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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Renting my property to husband’s ex

231 replies

literati · 21/05/2025 01:47

Name change for this post as some details are quite outing. For context My husband and I have been married for 8 years, I have one daughter from my first marriage and he has two daughters with his ex wife, all kids are early to mid teens, my DD lives with us 12/14 nights and my step DDs are with us 50/50. Our blended family works really well, the girls are very close, go to the same school and have mutual friends. Co-parenting with our respective ex’s is pretty amicable and we all live within 15 minutes of each other.

Now on to my dilemma, after dropping the girls off to his ex wife’s house, the girls Mum has told him that her landlord has given her notice to quit her lease and she is really struggling to find somewhere to rent that she can afford. She is single and working full time in a relatively low paid role so I totally get that it is really tough for her. My husband pays her maintenance weekly at £200 pw even though we have 50/50 care as he earns much more than her, no issue with this. I own a rental property in our town which I purchased before I met my husband there is no mortgage on it. My husband has asked if I would rent it to her for below market rent to help her out. Property is currently being let out but lease ends in September. On one hand I totally understand why he wants to help her the girls need a stable home and there is a housing crisis, on the other I am nervous to get involved in business/ finances with his ex, seems a bit too entangled. Wwyd in this situation?

OP posts:
Orangesinthebag · 01/06/2025 06:56

literati · 01/06/2025 02:54

Hello I thought I would update this thread as you have all really helped me with sorting my head out about this situation.

DH approached ex wife about the possibility of renting my house if she was interested. She seemed quite relieved I think and agreed to a meeting with just me and her. I have spoken to my solicitor about any potential pitfalls with UC and we are waiting on that advice. Ex wife and I have looked at the finances and if we ditch the gardener and management company and she is still entitled to UC then the financial cost to me is minimal. In terms of when the kids are 18, her plan is to downsize and move about an hour away from our town to be near her sister. We have agreed to rent to her until the kids are at uni, DH still pays her his maintenance and then she pays me rent. It’s important to both her and I that she maintains her financial independence and that DH is separate from this arrangement, as it is a business transaction between the two of us. He doesn’t know this yet but his contribution will be mowing the massive garden and keeping all the hedges trimmed haha

I know the majority of you advised against this course of action for a lot of sensible reasons but I have raised all of them with ex wife and to be fair to her she had a lot of the same concerns. We have come to an arrangement that we are all happy with that keeps the kids as the focus and maintains our easygoing set up. At the end of the day my rental property and the income it generates will be used for all the kid’s future and she knows this, so it makes more financial and emotional sense to try and keep the money within the family.

Also my tenants are moving out as they have purchased their own property so I’m not making anyone homeless.

What a lovely update to read. I'm so glad you managed to come to an arrangement that sounds as though it actually benefits all of you.
I think it was incredibly kind & generous of you to reach out to her like this & I am sure it is a weight off your DH's mind to have his kids' living arrangements organised.

The ex sounds like she has sensible and realistic future plans in place so it sounds like it will all work out well.
x

AnneLovesGilbert · 01/06/2025 07:41

Good luck…

thepariscrimefiles · 01/06/2025 08:01

literati · 21/05/2025 21:38

I would just like to clear up that my SC mother is NOT lazy or irresponsible, she works in a care home often night shifts when the girls are staying with us, it pays shit money but it’s essential and hard work. My reticence to rent my property to her is not because I think she will intentionally stop paying rent or be a bad tenant she is pretty sensible I think. I don’t even really care about the money as poster are right I don’t need it and my daughter will have more than enough. It’s purely because it’s bloody AWKWARD! We get along well but she’s still an ex for a reason and I’m not sure it’s very good for her self esteem to have to rent from me.

No my husband cannot buy another house for her to live in. Yes he makes more than her but it’s not a giant pay check each month, he pays her maintenance and his share of bills here plus his own personal expenses and saves most of what is left for his girls future.

I have spoken to DH properly and raised my concerns, he does agree with me and said he got a bit carried away as he was panicking that his girls might end up moving far away or in a hostel. We will help her in some way most likely offering to pay 6 months rent up front to hopefully secure a decent rental. I don’t want my SC mother to be homeless that will never happen, she is a good Mum, she just hasn’t had the same opportunities as others.

Honestly OP, you sound lovely in the kind and very understanding way you talk about your husband's ex. So many people on here refuse to understand that some really essential and difficult jobs are under-valued and don't pay well at all. It certainly doesn't mean that the people who are doing those jobs don't work hard.

You DH's ex is being villified on here even though she hasn't asked for help and she is being evicted through no fault of her own. Thank you for being so understanding of her difficult situation and the inclusive ways you treat your step-children. They are all lucky to have you.

Edit: posted before I saw your last update. That sounds a very reasonable outcome. I hope everything goes well.

Serpentstooth · 01/06/2025 08:10

Don't do it, recipe for future unhappiness all round. Your husband can pay a deposit, if necessary, and pay the rent or be guarantor on a new place.

OliveWah · 01/06/2025 18:39

I think that's a great decision, and it sounds like you've really talked it through properly with all concerned. I bet the kids will be happy too!

Walkerzoo · 05/06/2025 21:29

I am so pleased. I think I was one of the first to suggest that if possible please try and make it work. My pal rents from her dad and get UC to pay..... So with a full paper trail it will be possible. She probably also doesn't want to be in your house.

There are many times when people put money ahead of people and children so it is lovely you all have been pragmatic.

I wish you all the best and I wish some families do this more often.... Putting the children first

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