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AIBU?

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Original poster

To make my daughter do ballet

236 replies

Hairyragemachine · 20/05/2025 16:29

When I was 5, my mum enrolled me in ballet classes. I went to about six, then decided I didn't want to do it, so my mum took me out of them.

I now have a 5 year old, who has just done her grade 1 ballet exam. However she now says she doesn't want to do it any more. There doesn't seem to be an underlying reason per se, I think she just finds it a drag to give up an hour of saturday morning. This week we had tears and a tantrum and eventually I gave up forcing it, as she had a bad night and very busy week.

But should I allow her to just quit all together? Given it's so good for balance, confidence (she is a performer!), friendships (she has lots there) and discipline, posture... should I make her go for a bit longer?

I wish my mum had not allowed me to just give up - or come to think of it to give up piano, violin, french, guides, tap dancing - lots of hobbies which I wish I was good at now and had stuck at. I needed her to be my self discipline until I was old enough to be my own.

Or - is it mean to force a 5 year old to ballet (she also does tap and modern) when she doesn't want to go? What if she is missing out on a career as an international prima ballerina? Let me know what you think please!

OP posts:
MyOliveHelper · 20/05/2025 16:31

Please stop.

TeenToTwenties · 20/05/2025 16:31

End of term is presumably paid for?
So she goes until then, but if still of the same mind, she stops.
Let her try something different such as musical theatre, ice skiing, martial arts, wildlife tots, rainbows, ...

WomenInSTEM · 20/05/2025 16:31

I was made to do ballet for 12 years. Let her choose what hobbies she does.

Yourinmyspot · 20/05/2025 16:38

My DD was a little bit older but she got fed up of dance as they were always working towards exams and she just wanted to have fun. I told her she needed to see the end of term out just to be sure - about five weeks. Then she left she was about 7 I think. She plays football now and loves it.

I wouldn’t force her to go if she’s not enjoying it, though could be worth saying if you still don’t enjoy it in 5-6 weeks we can stop.

golemmings · 20/05/2025 16:41

DD started dance when she was 4 or 5. Hated it. At about 9 she asked to go back. It's now really important to her. She's very good, has done dance GCSE and has won a place to dance overseas next year.

She's given up many activities over the years. I was always happy for her to try things, but she always had to get to the end of term before quitting.

NeonUnicorn · 20/05/2025 16:47

Why not let her try some other activities and find something she enjoys?

FanofLeaves · 20/05/2025 16:49

She’s 5 for goodness sake. It may well be great for her balance, posture, whatever- but forcing her into a class she’s not enjoying is shit for her confidence and mental wellbeing. Aside from school, she shouldn’t have to do anything formal if she is not enjoying it.

Ankther · 20/05/2025 16:50

She does three different dance activities? Is that the only hobby she’s allowed to have?

Gardendiary · 20/05/2025 16:50

Of course you should, it’s a hobby, you know, something you do for fun.
plus, she is tiny and still figuring out what she likes and what her interests are.

Shesellsseashellsnotinmystreet · 20/05/2025 16:51

My adult dd says she wishes I had made her do more activities....

1SillySossij · 20/05/2025 16:51

If only for the sake of the instructor please don't send her if she doesn't want to go. It's not good for anyone!

Iloveeverycat · 20/05/2025 16:53

She is 5 and is a performer what does that mean. What if she doesn't want to be a performer.

Dozer · 20/05/2025 16:53

Stop blaming your mum for her parenting choices!

There are loads of hobby options for DC to try, great if one or more goes well and they stick with it, not a problem if not.

Parker231 · 20/05/2025 16:53

At that age let her try something different each term to find out what she enjoys the most. The only compulsory activity we had was swimming to a good standard.

mixedcereal · 20/05/2025 16:54

I wish my parents had made me do activities, we didn’t do any.

I think you should ask her to carry on those that you’ve already paid for, and then to pick another sport or activity to fill the time instead. Let’s her try out different things

fisherlong · 20/05/2025 16:54

Ankther · 20/05/2025 16:50

She does three different dance activities? Is that the only hobby she’s allowed to have?

Agree. I also think a 5 year old is too young to be expected to commit to any activity regularly unless they absolutely love it .
My sons loved football at that age so it wasn’t an issue.
My daughter started rainbows around that age and really didn’t enjoy it so stopped going.

annlee3817 · 20/05/2025 16:56

I was very thankful my mum didn't push me to pursue activities I wasn't enjoying, I tried lots of things until I settled on hobbies that were better suited to me, on the flip side my DH was made to continue with hobbies he disliked and resents it, you can pick up things when you get older, support her trying different things. My eldest DD settled on gymnastics and loves it, but never like ballet or dance

TeaAndTattoos · 20/05/2025 16:59

YABU to force her to carry on with something that she doesn’t want to do. Let her give it up if that’s what she wants and let her try other things I’m sure she will find something that she enjoys. My mum always let me try things but also listened to me when I said that I didn’t want to do it anymore.

paranoiaofpufflings · 20/05/2025 17:02

If a child asks to do an activity, and the parent says ‘are you sure, it’s a 10-week course’ or ‘it’s a six-month season’, etc, then the child commits to seeing through what’s booked in.
If it’s a rolling activity with no commitment to a team or whatever, and they decide they don’t enjoy it, then it’s fine to stop.
She’s done it for a year so she has a fair idea whether she enjoys it or not.

anon4net · 20/05/2025 17:03

Our rule has always been unless there are extenuating circumstances (once there was a teacher who was a bully etc) then they must complete the term I've paid for. Each dc needs to be in something sport and another hobby but we are completely flexible as to what that is.

The fact she's sticking with two other types of dance tells me if she does take sudden interest in taking dance seriously, which there's only ever a small chance of, she can pick up ballet again down the road.

In your situation I'd listen to her about what the issue is and tell her continuing with ballet is her choice, though unless there's anything extenuating, I'd have her complete the term. Maybe once she sees she has some autonomy and it's not forever, the last 6 ish weeks of term won't be as hard to get her to.

Lindy2 · 20/05/2025 17:05

Doing 3 different dance classes at 5 years old seems a lot to me. Does she do some non dance activities too? Rainbows, swimming lessons etc.

If she's not enjoying ballet and doesn't want to go to a Saturday morning class then I'd drop that class. Children need downtime too where they're not in an adult led activity.

Hankunamatata · 20/05/2025 17:06

Is it the class time? Or actually ballet?

BlueyNeedsToFuckOff · 20/05/2025 17:07

If she’s a performer would a more general performing arts class be more to her taste than ballet? It seems a lot of dance for a young child unless she really loves it.

TotemPolly · 20/05/2025 17:09

Let her stop . Don't be that mum that drags a crying child to an activity .
Stop for a few weeks / month or two then ask if she's missing it and wants to try again .

RogueMandible · 20/05/2025 17:11

She’s five! Leave it a few years and then see what actually interests her. Don’t put your own unfulfilled ambition on her.