To make my daughter do ballet

[Hairyragemachine]

When I was 5, my mum enrolled me in ballet classes. I went to about six, then decided I didn't want to do it, so my mum took me out of them.

I now have a 5 year old, who has just done her grade 1 ballet exam. However she now says she doesn't want to do it any more. There doesn't seem to be an underlying reason per se, I think she just finds it a drag to give up an hour of saturday morning. This week we had tears and a tantrum and eventually I gave up forcing it, as she had a bad night and very busy week.

But should I allow her to just quit all together? Given it's so good for balance, confidence (she is a performer!), friendships (she has lots there) and discipline, posture... should I make her go for a bit longer?

I wish my mum had not allowed me to just give up - or come to think of it to give up piano, violin, french, guides, tap dancing - lots of hobbies which I wish I was good at now and had stuck at. I needed her to be my self discipline until I was old enough to be my own.

Or - is it mean to force a 5 year old to ballet (she also does tap and modern) when she doesn't want to go? What if she is missing out on a career as an international prima ballerina? Let me know what you think please!

Try a less formal class or give her the choice of activities.

If you want to do ballet then find an adult class.

She's 5!! Poor kid, weekends should be spent having fun - and yes having a rest after a busy week of school.
DD4 attended mini ballet and I was so relieved when she didn't want to go anymore because it was full of pushy dance mam's waiting to create perfect little ballerinas and most of the kids looked totally miserable.
She now does swimming and Karate (DS7 goes) and having so much fun, and it's a lovely supportive group of parents. She's on the waiting list for Rainbows too.

Just stop. She’s five, too young for ballet anyway. My DD is a professional and didn’t even have her first lesson before she was eight.

Three different dance classes is an awful lot for a five year old. Ideally she should have the opportunity to do a range of different activities to develop different skills until she's found what she likes.

Is she doing anything other than dance? Swimming? Martial arts? Music?

It’s supposed to be flipping fun! We binned it off at around 5 as the strictness about hair and weird attitudes were off putting and dd wasn’t bothered. She went back to it at 10 and had an enjoyable few years and got to grade 4 (scraped by 1 mark!). But crucially she chose it and enjoyed it when she was old enough to make her own decisions.

Why not let her choose a nice healthy sport, which won't ruin her feet and push her to pursue unhealthy eating habits, if she sticks with it past puberty? (Can you tell how glad I am that my mum let me give up ballet?)
If she does a fun team sport instead, she will still build strength and social skills, but she'll be also be learning something that she can join-in at club level any-time any-where, pretty much for the rest of her life. It's a fast-track to making friends at any age. There's not a lot of call for amateur middle aged ballerinas, even in village panto.

For those thinking she’s doing 3 separate classes, I’d assume she is doing 3 types of dance in one class. That’s what my daughter has always done - even though the class is only 50 minutes.

But yes, let her give up once the term is finished. Kids should try as many things as they can and then they can stick with what they love, not just the first thing they started.

The only activity I think children should have to do is learn to swim - for safety. They other one I would encourage is learning the piano as it is so helpful in so many ways IMO. Anything else I would just be led by them. Let her give up, she can always go back later if she wants to.

If you like the idea of learning a new skill that you gave up as a child then i think you should go for it if at all possible - don't blame your mum for not forcing you to do something you didn't want to when you were a kid though! Do it now.

Or do you still not want to have to put the effort in?

Grade 1 at age 5 is very good! Are you sure it was grade 1 and not exam 1 (ie Pre Primary)? If it was Grade 1 I'd definitely be keen for her to keep it going till she's old enough to really know what she wants to commit her time to.

I did ballet, tap and modern but asked to stop ballet when I was age 12. My mum didn't care either way. I wish she'd said no because I adore tap and jazz dancing and still do a lot of both aged 40. But my grounding technique is very weak because I stopped ballet and ballet is the basis of dance training.

If she enjoys the other styles then yes, I would 'make' her continue ballet for now (within reason of course, I wouldn't force her if distressed). If she doesn't enjoy dance at all, I'd stop all 3 classes and look for a different hobby.

I'm actually with you. Often the real pleasure of hobbies is found once you become good at them. Until then, it can be a bit of slog. But it's ultimately worth it. Not only will you develop all the benefits from ballet, but the lessons of sticking with something, perseverance... How about finding other ways to encourage her to do it: a mum/daughter ice cream after, read books and watch films about it, take her to watch a ballet show, join an adult class at the studio (?!)... I'm sure you can think of something better.

You can’t live vicariously through your children.

My parents forced me to continue piano and swimming for years after I’d reached the end of my tether with them.

I’m a highly self-motivated Type A freak.

All that’ll happen is she’ll resent you, and maybe even have no respect for you because, essentially, you want her to be a prima.

Why not let her try another dance school or type of dance? Or football or cricket or martial arts or horseriding? All are great for fitness, balance, discipline etc. When you are five it needs to be FUN. Hell, when you are 45 it needs to be fun, or you won't be hauling yourself off the sofa to be fit and active.

My parents forced me to learn piano. Hated it at the time but I love it now and so pleased they made me.

Maybe ballet just isn't her thing? My daughter was similar and stopped wanting to go to ballet. She now does acrobatics dance instead which she loves and has kept doing for 3 years now.

I was made to do ballet from a young age, my feet are fucked, I hated it and I got grievance from my parents when I finally put my malformed foot down at 16 and said no. They had 'invested' so much for so many years....

Kid is 5, if she's not enjoying it it shouldn't be done.

I’d be bribing her to stay on. But then, I did ballet for years and think I still reap the benefits.

since she is doing other dance things let her chose - she is young enough to go back to it in a few years if that is her choice

No, i’d never force my child to do something they wanted to quit, apart from seeing the block of lessons through if i’d paid for it.

I’m in a similar situation with my son but he’s only 3, almost 4 😬
Hed been going to a sports class he loved for a few weeks, now he’s randomly decided he doesn’t like it and is never going back (his words)
I know he’s so young but my parents let me start and quit so many clubs when I was younger and I don’t think it was good for me. So I’m unsure whether to let him just quit or be determined that he does another few weeks and then see how he feels. I obviously won’t ‘force’ it longer than that.
I thought the class was really good for him, similar to your Dd and ballet

I'm torn. I started ballet and also gave up at a similar age. But I really wish I hadn't! Dance later became a huge part of my life, and a good grounding in ballet would have been so beneficial. I also wish I'd done Latin and ballroom from a young age

On the other hand it seems wrong to make children do activities they dislike.

So I'm on the fence.

Another one to say 5 is young to make someone stick at something especially as she is doing 2 other types of dance. If she was a bit older and it was her only hobby I may say persevere but at 5 let her have a break.

What activity would she like to do?

My DD started ballet before she started school. After a couple of years she gave up and did something different then started back with a different style of dance. When that class closed she stopped dancing again, picked it up a couple of years later with ballet and a different style again. Took a couple of tries to find a ballet class she liked - her teacher doesn't do exams and isn't traditional, but is very good. Now at 15 she does ballet and contemporary, would love to do more styles and more hours, is en pointe and dances for about 6 hours a week. She's apparently good, and the dipping in and out hasn't done her any harm!

Christ, she is 5. Why would she be thinking about a ballet career at that age? If she wants to go back to it later on, she can do.
Let her find something she has interest in and enjoys. It might not be your choice of activity, but you wont be the one doing it.
I was forced to do Judo, and I hated every second and was shit at it because I was not interested in it. I was berated for not trying hard enough. I still hold some resentment about it decades later.

Our kids probably had quite a lot of autonomy at home and they definitely do at school so I don't think choosing hobbies is their only chance to make a decision.

Its more about finishing a commitment and not quitting half way through something. My husband runs a football team for my DS and they had kids drop out mid way through the season and it's a proper pain in the arse. It impacts everything and generally teachers (ballet, football etc) do it because they are passionate about it, not to become millionaires. Teaching a child that you commit to what you started to not let down the rest of the class / your team etc is a good lesson

And yes actually, if I signed up for something after giving it a trial for a bit (and having an easy back out period) and then I committed to something, I'd finish that commitment even if I couldn't be arsed. Because I'd be letting people down otherwise.

I am by no means a people pleaser. But I am also not selfish. It's a balance. In work. And in leisure time.