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Original poster

To make my daughter do ballet

236 replies

Hairyragemachine · 20/05/2025 16:29

When I was 5, my mum enrolled me in ballet classes. I went to about six, then decided I didn't want to do it, so my mum took me out of them.

I now have a 5 year old, who has just done her grade 1 ballet exam. However she now says she doesn't want to do it any more. There doesn't seem to be an underlying reason per se, I think she just finds it a drag to give up an hour of saturday morning. This week we had tears and a tantrum and eventually I gave up forcing it, as she had a bad night and very busy week.

But should I allow her to just quit all together? Given it's so good for balance, confidence (she is a performer!), friendships (she has lots there) and discipline, posture... should I make her go for a bit longer?

I wish my mum had not allowed me to just give up - or come to think of it to give up piano, violin, french, guides, tap dancing - lots of hobbies which I wish I was good at now and had stuck at. I needed her to be my self discipline until I was old enough to be my own.

Or - is it mean to force a 5 year old to ballet (she also does tap and modern) when she doesn't want to go? What if she is missing out on a career as an international prima ballerina? Let me know what you think please!

OP posts:
Pompompurin1 · 20/05/2025 21:32

The only thing I insist on is swimming lessons. Beyond that they do what they enjoy. 5 is extremely young and there is zero need for this.

Jean24601Valjean · 20/05/2025 21:42

I spent a lot of my childhood doing a particular activity and it's still an enormous part of my life now. I'm extremely grateful for my mum's continued support to keep me going when I didn't have the self-motivation. She was always holding me to account for putting in the work. However I think the important thing is that I did always want to do it. I just sometimes lacked the motivation needed to keep at it and improve. And that's where my mum came in. I started at the age of 5 and I don't remember it feeling at all pressured at that age, I believe her focus was on making sure I enjoyed it. The accountability came a bit later. My kids are a bit younger but I'm planning to have this type of approach for this stuff. When I didn't enjoy and want to improve at something, there was no pressure to continue.

FancyCatSlave · 20/05/2025 21:47

Leave the poor kid alone. 5 year olds don’t need tons of hobbies. I don’t make mine do anything she doesn’t enjoy. We try things now and again but she can pick them up and stop them as she chooses at the moment.

My feet and posture are utterly fucked from ballet. I’m glad DD isn’t the least interested.

NewsdeskJC · 20/05/2025 21:50

The only rule I had with mine was that the couldn't quit after one bad week.
So they usually had 3 or so lessons after and then made the decision.

XelaM · 20/05/2025 22:02

I let my daughter pick her hobbies. Unfortunately she picked horses 🐴🤦‍♀️I wish I had made her stick with athletics that cost £3 per week 😭

user2848502016 · 20/05/2025 22:07

She’s 5! Let her stop, there is plenty of time for her to have to do things she doesn’t like. Physical activity is important but there are lots of other things she could try like sport or climbing or just going out for walks.

user2848502016 · 20/05/2025 22:08

XelaM · 20/05/2025 22:02

I let my daughter pick her hobbies. Unfortunately she picked horses 🐴🤦‍♀️I wish I had made her stick with athletics that cost £3 per week 😭

Edited

Haha mine too, just not thinking of how much I’ve spent on riding lessons over the last 5 years 😬

ItsStillWork · 20/05/2025 22:13

Ballet is really bad for you. Ask any Chiropractor or Osteopath, they see so many adults who did ballet as a child and now have skeletal issues. It’s also really bad for their feet.

as someone who’s visited chiropractors and osteopaths, I wouldn’t let dd do ballet due to their advice.

Greenartywitch · 20/05/2025 22:20

Let her stop if she does not enjoy it and get her to try other activities until she finds something she really likes.

Fruitbat99 · 20/05/2025 22:23

I've known dozens of women and friends children who have done ballet and id argue its definitely not good for confidence and friendships. But each to their own.

I do think ita cruel to force a child to do a hobby they don't want to.

dodobookends · 20/05/2025 22:33

No dance school has hour-long ballet classes for kids of 5. I have just checked the minimum age requirements for several UK dance examining bodies, and all of them have a minimum recommended age of at least 7 for taking grade 1 ballet.

Speaking as a parent of a professional ballet dancer (who did ALL the bloody exams), there are things about this thread which do not make sense. Just saying.

Needanadultgapyear · 20/05/2025 22:35

My DD stopped ballet after she took primary exam. She did tap from 6. At 14 she took ballet back up again and is now an MT professional who dances on pointe. Stopping for a while doesn’t stop you being a professional dancer if you have the talent.

theprincessthepea · 20/05/2025 22:40

Let her pick what she wants to do next.

Also keep an eye on things that she naturally gravitates towards. Does she dance? Draw? Do gymnastics move? Is she musical?

I agree with you, when my daughter was that age she did any class I signed up for until the end of the term (when it was paid for) and then I put her in something else.

But I think the value comes when they are a little older and they show you what they are into. We discovered my daughter hobby after giving up on paid for classes and we took a long break. She was teaching herself a sport and I realised she is into it so we started paying for classes and she still does it now as a teen.

SuperGinger · 20/05/2025 23:02

I did ballet for a few years but gave it up at about 8 after the teacher asked me to repeat a year with younger girls! Utterly humiliating. I lost a lot of confidence in myself because I thought I lacked coordination, actually I'm dyspraxic and absolutely tone deaf so it's hardly a surprise I struggled.

According to my parents at the end of year show when I was six, I was a goat and fell onto the stage scratched myself, rubbed off the make up and fell off the stage while all the other kids performed the routine. I've tried to block it out of my mind but they've hooted with laughter about it for years.

So long as you child gets some physical exercise they enjoy I think you are fine.

Whoarethoseguys · 20/05/2025 23:06

She is a young child don't make her go to dance lessons if she doesn't want to go..you will.make her hate it
Perhaps when she is older she will decide she wants to do it or maybe she will find something else she wants to do..Let her try lots of things and chose what she wants to do in her spare time.
Don't live through your child.

dodobookends · 20/05/2025 23:10

Hairyragemachine · 20/05/2025 16:29

When I was 5, my mum enrolled me in ballet classes. I went to about six, then decided I didn't want to do it, so my mum took me out of them.

I now have a 5 year old, who has just done her grade 1 ballet exam. However she now says she doesn't want to do it any more. There doesn't seem to be an underlying reason per se, I think she just finds it a drag to give up an hour of saturday morning. This week we had tears and a tantrum and eventually I gave up forcing it, as she had a bad night and very busy week.

But should I allow her to just quit all together? Given it's so good for balance, confidence (she is a performer!), friendships (she has lots there) and discipline, posture... should I make her go for a bit longer?

I wish my mum had not allowed me to just give up - or come to think of it to give up piano, violin, french, guides, tap dancing - lots of hobbies which I wish I was good at now and had stuck at. I needed her to be my self discipline until I was old enough to be my own.

Or - is it mean to force a 5 year old to ballet (she also does tap and modern) when she doesn't want to go? What if she is missing out on a career as an international prima ballerina? Let me know what you think please!

"What if she is missing out on a career as an international prima ballerina? Let me know what you think please"

I think you are being ridiculous. Along with 99.99999% of the population, she has almost no chance whatsoever of becoming a principal dancer with a professional ballet company.

PurpleThistle7 · 20/05/2025 23:16

My daughter loves ballet and always has - started in baby ballet as a toddler and still dancing now at 12. She’s tried other styles throughout the years but nothing is as true to her as ballet.

3 classes is a lot for her age so maybe she just needs some more downtime anyway.

I have the same rules for my kids - they finish what I pay for and then we talk about it. Honestly they’re both so busy and it’s pretty exhausting so I don’t push them to continue with anything they don’t love. No one will be amazing at something they don’t love and your daughter is so young she has plenty of time to come back to it if she changes her mind

Missmarplesknittingbuddy · 20/05/2025 23:22

@Hairyragemachine , would you make your son do ballet ? , if not stop pushing gender stereotypes ( and your regrets ) onto your DD .

2Rebecca · 20/05/2025 23:24

I think it takes many years to find your real long term hobbies for many people. I just insisted on swimming and then only until they could do a couple of lengths and dive and fetch things at the bottom of the pool.

2Rebecca · 20/05/2025 23:24

Oh and cycle. Learning to ride a bike was compulsory

titchy · 20/05/2025 23:27

What if she’s missing out on a career as show jumper, or violinist, or actor, or….. let her drop it. And think about replacing one of the other two dance activities with something different. She’s very narrowly focussed.

SamDeanCas · 20/05/2025 23:30

Kids hobbies don’t tend to last long, no point forcing them, they’ll only hate doing it more. You’ll know when she’s found her ‘thing’ as she won’t want to give up.

My DM used to force me to go to ballet as she always wanted to, but her parents wouldn’t allow it, so she tried to live it through me. I hated it and resented her for making me spend my time on doing something I didn’t like.

sunflowersblooming · 20/05/2025 23:38

How is she when she comes out? I never let mine decide to give anything up on a bad day. I talk to them when calm and make sure it’s what they really want. They both have long standing hobbies they’re good at and they enjoy now.

PluckyBamboo · 20/05/2025 23:44

Let her choose another hobby.

I still hold a grudge against my Mother nearly 40 years later for forcing me to go to Brownies when I was older. Our Brownies was rubbish and so many kids left, my Mother thought I should still go to keep the numbers up as it would be a shame if it closed. Hated it. Was jumping for joy when it finally closed!

AND

Forced to go to a professional swimming group because I was a really good swimmer and a relative was the pool manager, again it was to keep the attendance rates up. I hated swimming despite having a natural gift for it and ended up hiding out in the changing rooms for 2 hours every Saturday.

I was more a climbing trees and doing karate kind of kid.

IwasDueANameChange · 20/05/2025 23:49

Crying/tantrums is quite severe op however, does she have a tendency to quit everything as soon as a bit of effort is involved or it gets where you need to start actually learning skills/progressing?

I do think a lot of children have a tendency to want to quit anything. As soon as a hobby progresses past easy fun, when there starts to be an expectation of discipline, focus and practise, they want to quit. If she still enjoys dancing around for fun but is a bit lazy/doesn't see the value to put in even a little effort or work, thats not a great character trait. A few years later you have a bored teenager with no hobbies drifting about on their phone. Its actually good for kids to stick at something and then get a sense of what hard work achieves when they get the swimming badge or the dance grade & feel proud.

If she's got other hobbies she's willing to stick at and its that this one is the least favoured, let her quit but make it clear its to allow her to focus on sticking at others.

If she quits at everything:

  • see if she might compromise - is there a different ballet class where she might get along better with the teacher or have friends in the class?
  • chat to her and check there isn't something specific putting her off like tight shoes or not liking the leotard ( a teacher will probably allow her wear a teeshirt and shorts if it means she doesn't quit).
  • offer a deal where she tries a bit longer in return for a reward, ideally something linked to the hobby like a trip to a ballet show
  • remember to make a fuss about achievements - celebrate passing exams, tell her proud you are if she dances in shows
  • if life is a bit overscheduled and actually what she wants is more down time, are there any other areas where you can make changes to give her that

If she really, really doesn't like ballet itself, might she like to swap to modern/jazz or tap where the skills and progress she's achieved so far will be useful and she can build on them.

As a child i had stages where i wanted to quit my music lessons. Now as an adult who can play piano well, i am eternally grateful my parents didn't let me give up.