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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make my daughter do ballet

236 replies

Hairyragemachine · 20/05/2025 16:29

When I was 5, my mum enrolled me in ballet classes. I went to about six, then decided I didn't want to do it, so my mum took me out of them.

I now have a 5 year old, who has just done her grade 1 ballet exam. However she now says she doesn't want to do it any more. There doesn't seem to be an underlying reason per se, I think she just finds it a drag to give up an hour of saturday morning. This week we had tears and a tantrum and eventually I gave up forcing it, as she had a bad night and very busy week.

But should I allow her to just quit all together? Given it's so good for balance, confidence (she is a performer!), friendships (she has lots there) and discipline, posture... should I make her go for a bit longer?

I wish my mum had not allowed me to just give up - or come to think of it to give up piano, violin, french, guides, tap dancing - lots of hobbies which I wish I was good at now and had stuck at. I needed her to be my self discipline until I was old enough to be my own.

Or - is it mean to force a 5 year old to ballet (she also does tap and modern) when she doesn't want to go? What if she is missing out on a career as an international prima ballerina? Let me know what you think please!

OP posts:
IwasDueANameChange · 20/05/2025 23:54

Also i don't think she actually did grade 1 ballet at age 5?. I'm not sure RAD or ISTD even allow it so young. To actually pass it at that age would require a massive amount of work and concentration way beyond reasonable age related expectations - if actually true it is probably what has put her off, putting her into too high a grade at much too early an age. It would be more normal to take grade 1 in year 3 at age 8.

Sockmate123 · 20/05/2025 23:54

3 types of dance is overkill at 5 and I say that as a mother of a child who does ballet, Musical theatre and drama. Aswell as Gymnastics, football, horse riding. And swimming (as a family). Let her quit it for a bit and see if she asks to go back

HeyPooPooHead · 20/05/2025 23:55

Poor thing, she should do things she’s interested in and not things you’re interested in.

LBFseBrom · 20/05/2025 23:57

WomenInSTEM · 20/05/2025 16:31

I was made to do ballet for 12 years. Let her choose what hobbies she does.

I agree. It is wrong to force a child to do something they are not happy with. She'll find something else but it must be her choice.

RareGoalsVerge · 21/05/2025 00:20

Ballet classes are a terrible thing for children who love dance. A child who loves dancing does not want to do the movements that someone else decides, in time to music that someone else chose. Standing in formation with other children all trying to do the same movements at the same time is the complete opposite of what a dance-loving child wants to do.

Let her stop. Do some tasters of other kinds of activities and ask her to pick one thing that she will practice at. Musical instrument/swimming/gymnastics/street dance/acting/choir - loads of options, and it's good for any child to have a thing outside school that they practice at to try to improve, but it needs to be her choice not yours.

Cabbagefamily · 21/05/2025 07:01

Ballet classes are a terrible thing for children who love dance. A child who loves dancing does not want to do the movements that someone else decides, in time to music that someone else chose. Standing in formation with other children all trying to do the same movements at the same time is the complete opposite of what a dance-loving child wants to do.

That is just utter rubbish.

PurpleThistle7 · 21/05/2025 07:05

Cabbagefamily · 21/05/2025 07:01

Ballet classes are a terrible thing for children who love dance. A child who loves dancing does not want to do the movements that someone else decides, in time to music that someone else chose. Standing in formation with other children all trying to do the same movements at the same time is the complete opposite of what a dance-loving child wants to do.

That is just utter rubbish.

I didn’t even bother to respond to this silliness lol

PawsAndTails · 21/05/2025 07:40

I wouldn't force her. One of mine last three lessons.

Having had one go all the way to pre-professional full time training, any future children I had (won't have, hypothetical), wouldn't be allowed to start ballet at all.

TheaBrandt1 · 21/05/2025 07:56

If she consistently doesn’t like it then frankly it’s bad parenting to force her to go. She won’t have happy memories of you. Learn from my mistake forcing Dd to do the violin. Really really wish I had listened to her.

Both mine as teens tried out lots of activities then settled on one each that they kept going all through the teen years. Never had to nag them as they wanted to go. Neither were more than competent but it didn’t matter it was physical and they met new friends.

SnoozingFox · 21/05/2025 08:00

Find another dance class which is about having fun, making friends and keeping fit, not doing stupid exams aged FIVE.

Seriously. Why do parents put up with this shit? Ballet exams are utterly pointless other than for the 0.001% of children who are going to have a career as professional ballet dancers.

Charlotte120221 · 21/05/2025 08:02

Don’t force her- life is too short for trauma filled Saturday mornings.

encourage her to try other things- she’ll find something she enjoys

jeaux90 · 21/05/2025 08:22

OP my DD really hated ballet, I did it for years. I decided to try her at all sorts instead to see what she loved.

If you have a tennis club nearby they often do really fun junior tennis “camps” during half term or Saturday coaching. It’s a great opportunity for them to meet kids from other schools, run off steam, have some fun and learn a new skill/sport.

I was surprised my DD really took to it and it was great for her balance. She’s 16 now and still plays.

PurpleThistle7 · 21/05/2025 08:24

SnoozingFox · 21/05/2025 08:00

Find another dance class which is about having fun, making friends and keeping fit, not doing stupid exams aged FIVE.

Seriously. Why do parents put up with this shit? Ballet exams are utterly pointless other than for the 0.001% of children who are going to have a career as professional ballet dancers.

This is really rude. My daughter ‘loves’ ballet and loves exams. I’m not a dancer and have never pushed her. Exams are a wonderful
opportunity to work towards a goal and excel in something outside of school (which she finds challenging)

is all competition ‘stupid’? Should there be no winners in football? No swimming races? No sports day? Every child deserves a chance to shine.

ballroomblue · 21/05/2025 08:39

Please don't make her go.

CocoPlum · 21/05/2025 08:43

She's 5. Just stop.

My DD took up ballet again last year aged 15, having done it until age 5. She doesn't want to be a ballerina but enjoys the class. There's no reason to spend all this money if she's not enjoying it.

LauritaEvita · 21/05/2025 11:57

She’s telling you she doesn’t want to go. That’s all there is to know.

In terms of the hobbies you gave up as a child, did you pursue any of these later in life, once you did have self discipline and your own agency? Or was it that your younger instinct to leave it was right as it just wasn’t the hobby for you? I ask because I had one friend who was never taken to dance classes. She was desperate to do ballet and started taking herself to classes as a teen, paid for by a paper round. If people are determined to pursue things, they can often find a way. Those who are forced into it are unlikely to ever have that drive.

ItGhoul · 21/05/2025 12:01

JustMarriedBecca · 20/05/2025 21:28

Our kids probably had quite a lot of autonomy at home and they definitely do at school so I don't think choosing hobbies is their only chance to make a decision.

Its more about finishing a commitment and not quitting half way through something. My husband runs a football team for my DS and they had kids drop out mid way through the season and it's a proper pain in the arse. It impacts everything and generally teachers (ballet, football etc) do it because they are passionate about it, not to become millionaires. Teaching a child that you commit to what you started to not let down the rest of the class / your team etc is a good lesson

And yes actually, if I signed up for something after giving it a trial for a bit (and having an easy back out period) and then I committed to something, I'd finish that commitment even if I couldn't be arsed. Because I'd be letting people down otherwise.

I am by no means a people pleaser. But I am also not selfish. It's a balance. In work. And in leisure time.

Show quote history

But in what way is stopping going to a ballet class 'letting people down'? It's not a team sport or a drama ensemble. The others in the class will be unaffected by which kids turn up for the lesson and which don't.

Cabbagefamily · 21/05/2025 12:24

SnoozingFox · 21/05/2025 08:00

Find another dance class which is about having fun, making friends and keeping fit, not doing stupid exams aged FIVE.

Seriously. Why do parents put up with this shit? Ballet exams are utterly pointless other than for the 0.001% of children who are going to have a career as professional ballet dancers.

It’s the other way round. Ballet exams are for recreational hobby dancers and are a thing only in the UK. Professional dancers don’t do them.

dodobookends · 21/05/2025 15:41

The OP doesn't appear to have returned to the thread. I'm not surprised, considering how many people have pointed out some - er - inaccuracies. 😂

Bit of a 'Wind 'em up and watch 'em go' thread if you ask me.

Fancycheese · 21/05/2025 16:01

Yes. Definitely make your 5 year old do an entirely voluntary hobby she dislikes because it’s good for her balance. Excellent decision.

zingally · 21/05/2025 16:43

Tell her you've paid until the end of July - it doesn't have to be true.
Then if she still wants to quit then, she can.

dodobookends · 22/05/2025 16:01

SnoozingFox · 21/05/2025 08:00

Find another dance class which is about having fun, making friends and keeping fit, not doing stupid exams aged FIVE.

Seriously. Why do parents put up with this shit? Ballet exams are utterly pointless other than for the 0.001% of children who are going to have a career as professional ballet dancers.

Children cannot take their grade one ballet exam aged 5, no matter what the OP said. A child that age has neither body or brain mature enough to learn the syllabus content anyway, which is why the examining bodies don't allow it.

I wouldn't go so far as to accuse the OP of making it up...

Commonsense22 · 22/05/2025 16:10

Young children hardly ever are self motivated to practice an instrument or hobby seriously. You have to be the parent at that age and decide for them.
That doesn't mean pushing them to practice 3 hours a day or enroll them in 7 distinct hobbies but it absolutely means not letting them give up easily.

Original poster
Hairyragemachine · 23/05/2025 11:50

Ankther · 20/05/2025 16:50

She does three different dance activities? Is that the only hobby she’s allowed to have?

She also does Rainbows and swimming, the odd horse riding lesson and drama and gymnastics on/off as they are organised by the school at after school clubs.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hairyragemachine · 23/05/2025 11:51

dodobookends · 22/05/2025 16:01

Children cannot take their grade one ballet exam aged 5, no matter what the OP said. A child that age has neither body or brain mature enough to learn the syllabus content anyway, which is why the examining bodies don't allow it.

I wouldn't go so far as to accuse the OP of making it up...

Edited
Show quote history

My mistake, it was the precursor to grade 1, the pre-primary one. She loved it, she got to wear flowers in her hair and prance about in her 'best' leotard, I don't think anything about it was stressful and I gave her the choice of doing it or not.

OP posts: