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AIBU?

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Original poster

To make my daughter do ballet

236 replies

Hairyragemachine · 20/05/2025 16:29

When I was 5, my mum enrolled me in ballet classes. I went to about six, then decided I didn't want to do it, so my mum took me out of them.

I now have a 5 year old, who has just done her grade 1 ballet exam. However she now says she doesn't want to do it any more. There doesn't seem to be an underlying reason per se, I think she just finds it a drag to give up an hour of saturday morning. This week we had tears and a tantrum and eventually I gave up forcing it, as she had a bad night and very busy week.

But should I allow her to just quit all together? Given it's so good for balance, confidence (she is a performer!), friendships (she has lots there) and discipline, posture... should I make her go for a bit longer?

I wish my mum had not allowed me to just give up - or come to think of it to give up piano, violin, french, guides, tap dancing - lots of hobbies which I wish I was good at now and had stuck at. I needed her to be my self discipline until I was old enough to be my own.

Or - is it mean to force a 5 year old to ballet (she also does tap and modern) when she doesn't want to go? What if she is missing out on a career as an international prima ballerina? Let me know what you think please!

OP posts:
Bunnycat101 · 20/05/2025 17:12

Are you sure she’s done grade 1 as i thought the minimum age for that was 7??

Either way if she hates it that much I wouldn’t be pushing it long term. I have an agreement with mine that if I pay a term they need to see that out. The one exception to that was my own 5yo who really took exception to a particular class and basically cried and refused to do it. The teacher actually called me to offer a refund. No idea why as she’d done the same class with a different teacher but seemed to have a real strong hatred of the new one.

LittleBitofBread · 20/05/2025 17:14

I'd encourage her to stick it out til the next natural pause (end of term or whatever) and then take a view on how she's feeling about it.

Pickledpeanuts · 20/05/2025 17:15

She does two other dance activities, surely that covers the practice for balance, confidence, friendships, discipline and posture?

If you paid till end of term I'd see that out, and then finish. Perhaps it's worth giving her an opportunity to experience something else? Tennis, football, swim lessons, skiing etc if you haven't already.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 20/05/2025 17:18

She’s too little to be forced into stuff. Gymnastics is also good for balance etc so ask if she wants to try that. Your mum did the right thing

TheFormidableMrsC · 20/05/2025 17:23

I was made to do things. I’m still resentful and I’m in my 50’s. Just stop it.

aredcar · 20/05/2025 17:28

Give it till end of term and if she doesn’t like it let her stop.

my daughter is also a performer. But she tried dance at age 4 and hated it so we stopped. She recently asked if she could try again at age 9 and after a month decided she really didn’t like it. No problem. She can sing, she can act, she can’t dance. This is fine.

she has tried quite a few sports including football, netball, boxing, rugby, cricket and swimming. Her favourite thing in the world is rugby.

let her try lots of different things, not just dance. She might not be a future international ballerina but a future Olympic gymnast or rugby player or something! Or maybe she’ll just be average at her hobbies and just enjoy them which really is the main thing

anothermnuser123 · 20/05/2025 17:29

I never forced my Daughter to do a hobby, she switched a LOT but age 7 she landed on a hobby that she loved so much she ended up competing at high level and represented England a number of times. She eventually decided she was done with that and again I never forced her, hobbies are supposed to be enjoyable and if you force them you remove the love and passion that allows them to excel.

My Daughter took so much away from her time in her chosen sport that still benefits her today and got to travel while competing, she never would have even found it if I forced her to stay at the first or second or even third thing she tried, and the sport she stuck with she had such a natural talent, it would have been a real shame if she never found it or found it late as she has developed a basis that means she can go back to it at any point and will do well.

caravela · 20/05/2025 17:33

She can’t have done Grade 1 at 5 if she is doing RAD. You can’t do the first exam (Primary) till you are 6 and you can’t do Grade 1 till 7. Did you mean she started when she was 5 and has now just done Grade 1?

Does she come out of class happy or does she come out saying she doesn’t want to do it? My kids sometimes can’t be bothered to get out of the house to go to their activities but then leave the activity saying they enjoyed them and if I ask at the end of the class “do you want to carry on” they say “yes”. I wouldn’t let them give up if it is just they can’t be bothered to get ready but love it when they are there - that is a life lesson about getting over the laziness/procrastination to do the thing that actually brings you joy. But if she comes out saying she doesn’t like it, or if she says she wants to drop ballet during the week (as opposed to the moment you say it’s time to stop playing and put your uniform on) that is different and I’d let her stop during the summer once the term you have committed to is finished.

She can always take it up again in another year if she decides she loves dance after all. My older DD did ballet as a tot, then gave up at 8 as she fell out of love with it, and then a year later said she regretted the decision and wanted to rejoin. It isn’t a decision for the rest of her life.

butteredhorseradish · 20/05/2025 17:33

I think you should say that she does it to the end of term and if she still doesn't want to do it any more she stops at that point and can choose something else instead.

wtftodo · 20/05/2025 17:39

I’ve encouraged my kids to do ballet (and tap&modern etc) from 3. They love it but not all the time; my 8yr old was fed up with ballet earlier this year but with hindsight I think it was the exam prep.

However - no 5yo at their dance school is doing grade 1 exams. The school doesn’t put anyone into exams till 5-6. My 8yr old just did her Grade 1 exam with 8-9yr olds (a couple of 7yr olds about to turn 8, too).

I wonder if it’s a bit too exam-focused / strict for her at this age? Taking longer doesn’t cause any harm; plenty turn professional or join proper boarding ballet schools from our dance school.

OhCrumbsWhereNow · 20/05/2025 17:55

Depends.

DD didn't much like ballet and I made her go until lock-down, so 5/6 years. She liked dance, was very involved in performing arts and likely to head that way as a career.

She's now 16, definitely headed that direction as a career (not dance specifically) and delighted I made her do all those years as she has the foundation and it helps with dance in general. She even said thank you.

But there are times I have said yes to stopping activities - but needs to be a good set of reasons properly laid out.

WtafIsThat · 20/05/2025 17:57

Is she only allowed to do dance based activities? Hmm

Martial arts is also great for discipline, confidence and balance. So is gymnastics.

ButteredRadishes · 20/05/2025 17:58

An HOUR of ballet at 5? Seems a bit much. Most 5 yo are doing 25-30 minutes.

Mischance · 20/05/2025 18:02

Children often put a toe in the water of various activities before they hit on what is right for them. They do not think in terms of the fees that have been paid!

But her reaction is a bit extreme - has something happened there that you do not know about?

Didimum · 20/05/2025 18:03

Stop. Find something she really enjoys doing. My daughter though ballet was boring AF. She has stuck with other things as she enjoys them.

BeakyFlinders · 20/05/2025 18:15

Don’t push her at 5. If she wants to do it, she’ll go back to it. DS (7) has a love hate relationship with football. He’s paid up to the end of the season so I’ve encouraged him to go back on the days he wants to and when he has gone he’s enjoyed it. I doubt he’ll go back next season but if I’d forced him to finish every session this season he’d be very sour. Not worth it. They have to enjoy it. She might prefer something else.

Brainstorm23 · 20/05/2025 18:25

I would let her do something else. My daughter did ballet and didn't like it so then tried hip hop dancing and decided to give it as well as she wasn't enjoying it or getting much out of it.

We signed her up to ice skating on a whim not expecting much but she has really taken to it and is at Grade 5 now.

I don't agree with forcing children to do activities they don't like. I think they should try lots of different activities until they find something they like and give each activity a reasonable chance.

JustMarriedBecca · 20/05/2025 18:32

We don't quit at the drop of a hat here and when you've made a commitment to something, you do it.

So end of term and then she can quit.

Sometimes we have to do things we don't like.

Tiswa · 20/05/2025 18:34

You aren’t parenting a clone of yourself - find what your daughter likes and wants to do.
I hated ballet, DD still does it at 16. I loved drama DD very much dance.

Find what she loves not what you would have wished you had stayed doing

and maybe see if you can find an adult ballet class

Zout · 20/05/2025 18:37

Just let her give up. Ballet is boring at that age. If you want her to dance there are a lot of other types. Let her try things out until she finds what she is passionate about.

I still remember hiding under the table and being dragged out and hit because I didn’t want to go (my mum was a frustrated dancer).

ItGhoul · 20/05/2025 18:44

She’s 5. Let her do what she enjoys and stop projecting your own regrets on to her.

ItGhoul · 20/05/2025 19:38

JustMarriedBecca · 20/05/2025 18:32

We don't quit at the drop of a hat here and when you've made a commitment to something, you do it.

So end of term and then she can quit.

Sometimes we have to do things we don't like.

Sometimes we have to do things we don’t like

Yes, sometimes we have to do things we don’t like because they are necessary, so we have to put up with them and it makes us miserable. So why add to that by doing stuff we don’t like even when it’s not necessary? Why make life shitter than it already is?

A small child constantly has to do things it doesn’t like, at school and at home. They get very few chances to decide what they want to do, really. Seems utterly joyless and unpleasant, to me, to make them do a hobby they don’t want to do.

I doubt you would miserably spend your supposed leisure time doing a hobby you dislike, so why inflict that on a five-year-old?

2chocolateoranges · 20/05/2025 19:43

I would encourage my child to finish an activity at the end of term rather than in the middle.

If they decide then they don't want to go back then that's fine.

Everydayimhuffling · 20/05/2025 19:46

If she does tap and modern then you are covered for all of the things that you think they will help with. I would get her to carry on for a few weeks, but give it an end/check in point when she can decide to stop. That way it's not stopping for a tiring week or end of term.

Occasionally DD doesn't want to go to dance, but she wants to do the show or do the exam that's coming up so she carries on through the wobbles. If it was more than a couple of weeks of not wanting to go then we would stop. There are plenty of other activities to try.

BrightLightTonight · 20/05/2025 19:46

Deformed ballet dancers feet! Definitely let her stop, why would you want to hurt your child?