For thinking my brother and his wife trying to take my Dad's house?

[SadANDupsetGirl]

My Dad has left his house to my brother and his wife in his will (bone of contention in the family as my Dad already gave my brother the family business and then my brother sold it, making millions of pounds, despite my Dad not wanting this to happen. My Dad was still involved in the business and used to pop in during the day, albeit not as an owner once he gave it to my brother). My Dad is a very fit and healthy 81 year old and I hope he has many years left in his home. He loves his garden and cutting his lawn and takes great pride in the house.

My brother and his wife have announced to me that they want to get an architect into my Dad's house to start drawing up house plans as they "have lots of ideas" about what they want to do with it once they get their hands on it.

I feel that they are just wanting my Dad to die!

One of their children, their 16 year old daughter, was staying with Dad last week while my brother and his wife were on holidays and this niece posted a scathing Snapchat video about my Dad about "how bad he is at cooking" and how she "had to throw her dinner into the bushes beside the patio when he wasn't looking"..all the way through laughing her head off, basically making out like my Dad is some senile imbecile. I feel like my brother and his wife are speaking ill about my Dad behind his back. My Dad isn't senile at all and is very capable and kind.

When I asked my brother why he has to bring in an architect into my Dad's house to basically plan for when my Dad is deceased, he got a bit huffy with me. I asked him why he can't just leave Dad alone and has to be doing this to him. Then he told me he's thinking of buying a small bungalow that's for sale nearby anyway. Now I am afraid he's going to try and take my Dad's house and put my Dad into the little bungalow. I always thought my Dad would be able to live in his house til the rest of his days.

My brother and his wife have a lovely house near my Dad's and millions in the bank, so I don't know what the fixation is on taking my Dad's house (Dad's house is beautiful BTW) when they could just build or buy one equally nice.

I feel that my brother and my sister in law are having no regard for my Dad, are waiting for him to die and are either going to try push him into a home or into the small bungalow they're about to buy down the road.

AIBU in being so upset about this?

To be honest, I’d just let them crack on. I know it sounds cruel on the surface but if your parents want to favour one sibling over another, then he can handle the consequences.

Op I'd disown your dad if I was you.

Fuck the greedy bastards.

I am gob smacked that you are taking it lying down about your brother getting millions and you absolutely nothing
are their cultural issues at play here ?

personally I’d not be able to just carry on being chums with my dad and brother I’d leave them too it

can you contest the will with your dad as far as the house is concerned ?

id need a lot of therapy to deal with this shit

I'm sorry, you state that he is a good father. I disagree, he is an appalling father. Who on earth would treat their children so differently?! I would have cut contact when your brother was handed the family business!

No good parent would do this, you reap what you sow. You have zero responsibilities to a man that treats you this way, so take a step back and plough your energy into those that value you.

Direct all father related issues to your brother. There may not be a house for him to inherit depending on how long he lives and the care required.

Were you ever given the option of helping in the family business or being any part of it?
Did you refuse? Or were you not actually included at all, because your parents just decided it would be your brother’s?

so go to your dad, once, tell him what you have told us. Tell him that since he only seems to care about brother, that is the extent of what you are going to say on the matter.

And don't get sucked into caring or anything else for him. Just don't.

Wow, your brother is a complete shit. Bear in mind your dad might also need to go into care at some point so his house will need to be sold to cover the costs.

Op -I am laidback and quite passive generally bit I don’t know how you can stand to be so blasé about how your mother and father have treated you. They didn’t/dont care about upsetting you so honestly I wouldn’t care if they were upset

Oh and your brother is a piece of shit

Vile vultures 🤮
Sadly I'm fully expecting the same to happen once my mum passes 😔😔😔

Why are his feelings more important than yours? You should be bloody raging.

If you can't find the indignation for yourself, then find it for your children who because of their weak grandfather are not getting treated fairly.

Walk away and let him live with his decisions (dont blame your mum - HE has made the decisions) or fight it.

Not sure I would care what they do to be honest.

I would be so disappointed and hurt by my parents actions, giving all to my brother that I would just leave them all to it and distance myself from the lot of them.

Your dad had the option to make the will fair when your mother died, but he chose this path. Leave him to it.

No cultural issues or anything. I just want a family feud. I would rather work for my money and pay my mortgage etc. than get a handout. Yes, it is terribly unfair alright, but it's outside my control sadly.

Hmmm
well I think I’d be making some lovely single lady friends of a certain age and taking them along to visit dad a lot. I’m sure one of them would find your dad and his flower pots appealing.
A new step mum won’t make your situation any worse but would invalidate the current will and more importantly infuriate your ghastly sibling. She might even encourage your dad to pursue whether he has been fairly treated as he would need to make fair provision for his new wife too.

Agree completely. You need to bring up your concerns to your dad too. Stop pussyfooting around him.

You're better off having no money from them,it's bad blood money and you and your own family are better off without it, once your dad passes you dont ever need to have have any contact with them again, that's worth more than any amount of money. Don't discuss it anh more, keep out of it, dad knows what he's doing.

I did something different in uni, so would never have been part of the family business. My brother trained in the same field as the family business.

That is a good point

You’re so kind about your dad, when it sounds like he’s done very little to deserve it. Usually my first thought when it comes to inheritances etc. is that people come off really grabby, and you are the exact opposite of that. It sounds like your brother gives very few shits about your dad so I’m not surprised you’re feeling so hurt, I’d be furious! It’s not even the money, even if it would benefit you greatly it’s the principle - your brother has millions in the bank after selling a business from under your dad’s feet, is already planning how he’s going to cash in on the house he’s ALIVE AND LIVING IN. Who does that? And him also getting half of the £300k is just obscene on top of it all.

I’m quite a passive person but I’d have to say something. I know you said it’ll upset your dad, but he has no problem upsetting you by making it clear you’re good enough to come and do shit jobs around the house for him while working full time, while his millionaire son pisses about doing nothing, but not good enough to deserve a fair share of inheritance.

It would be a life-changing amount for you, because you didn’t already skank millions off his business because you’re not a scumbag.

Sorry your family are like this. I’d want to speak to my brother again and reiterate that it’s so rude to be planning what he’s doing to maximise his profit on the house when his own dad dies, and what the fuck is he playing at. Make it clear, too, to your dad that you can’t do plants or odd jobs because you have to work. Because you weren’t given millions to live off. He’s got a lovely great son who surely could make time to do that shit!

You say your dad is kind but his actions say different. Fair enough your mum was wrong to promise the house to your brother as well, but your dad could have used his brain and reconsidered when your brother landed up with so much money from the business. Situations change and I find it abhorrent your parents would see you struggle and work hard when they could be supporting you, rather than giving your brother more money to squirrel away.

sorry you’re going through this. It’s not even about the money is it, it’s the way it just makes you feel like your dad doesn’t value you at all enough to grow a backbone.

Sorry to hear that. I completely empathise and sympathise to be in this position.

I could never do that. My mother is in an urn in the front room and my father has not got over her passing. She is only deceased 6 months.

Yes, I don't plan to have anything to do with brother and his wife whenever the time comes that my Dad passes, but obviously I don't want my Dad to pass away for 20 years!

If there has been an element of coercion there could be legal ramifications