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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For thinking my brother and his wife trying to take my Dad's house?

243 replies

SadANDupsetGirl · 20/05/2025 10:47

My Dad has left his house to my brother and his wife in his will (bone of contention in the family as my Dad already gave my brother the family business and then my brother sold it, making millions of pounds, despite my Dad not wanting this to happen. My Dad was still involved in the business and used to pop in during the day, albeit not as an owner once he gave it to my brother). My Dad is a very fit and healthy 81 year old and I hope he has many years left in his home. He loves his garden and cutting his lawn and takes great pride in the house.

My brother and his wife have announced to me that they want to get an architect into my Dad's house to start drawing up house plans as they "have lots of ideas" about what they want to do with it once they get their hands on it.

I feel that they are just wanting my Dad to die!

One of their children, their 16 year old daughter, was staying with Dad last week while my brother and his wife were on holidays and this niece posted a scathing Snapchat video about my Dad about "how bad he is at cooking" and how she "had to throw her dinner into the bushes beside the patio when he wasn't looking"..all the way through laughing her head off, basically making out like my Dad is some senile imbecile. I feel like my brother and his wife are speaking ill about my Dad behind his back. My Dad isn't senile at all and is very capable and kind.

When I asked my brother why he has to bring in an architect into my Dad's house to basically plan for when my Dad is deceased, he got a bit huffy with me. I asked him why he can't just leave Dad alone and has to be doing this to him. Then he told me he's thinking of buying a small bungalow that's for sale nearby anyway. Now I am afraid he's going to try and take my Dad's house and put my Dad into the little bungalow. I always thought my Dad would be able to live in his house til the rest of his days.

My brother and his wife have a lovely house near my Dad's and millions in the bank, so I don't know what the fixation is on taking my Dad's house (Dad's house is beautiful BTW) when they could just build or buy one equally nice.

I feel that my brother and my sister in law are having no regard for my Dad, are waiting for him to die and are either going to try push him into a home or into the small bungalow they're about to buy down the road.

AIBU in being so upset about this?

OP posts:
JoyousEagle · 20/05/2025 10:56

Well on the face of it, no YANBU. But have you spoken to your dad about it? What is the situation? It’s very premature to be getting architects in when it sounds like your dad is healthy - are they considering paying for improvements to the house now while your dad is there?

akkakk · 20/05/2025 10:58

If the house is left to them in your father's will, then they have no ownership now / no authority yet.

If he passes it over to them before dying (to save on inheritance tax etc.) then he can't continue to benefit from the house, so his moving to another would make financial sense - even if it is not caring or thoughtful

Shuttered · 20/05/2025 10:58

There sounds like a lot of backstory here — why has your father given a multimillion pound business AND his house solely to your brother?

MonoMono · 20/05/2025 11:08

Sorry, are we to understand that your brother got sole possession of a multimillion pound business and now is in line for his house too?

Where do you and your inheritance fit into all this?

OneQuirkyPanda · 20/05/2025 11:10

Why is everything going to your brother?

Lurker85 · 20/05/2025 11:13

Unless there’s a massive backstory here, I don’t think I’d give a shit if I’d been so blatantly snubbed by him in favour of my grabby prick brother. He knows what he’s like from the business sale against his wishes yet still chooses to treat him better than you and leave him his house? I’d leave him to his bungalow.

MissMoneyFairy · 20/05/2025 11:13

I'd be more upset about why the house is being left to your brother on top of everything else he's been given, what's the reason. They can get architect in with dad's permission, it's up to him what he allows, what does dad want to happen, does he care that his granddaughter mocked him, do you think he's being bullied and Co erced, seems a bit strange that he's left the house to your brother after he sold the family business against dad's wishes.

Original poster
SadANDupsetGirl · 20/05/2025 11:14

Shuttered · 20/05/2025 10:58

There sounds like a lot of backstory here — why has your father given a multimillion pound business AND his house solely to your brother?

No backstory really.
The house was intended to go to him because that was mother's wish before she died. She wanted someone in the family to keep living in the house and chose him.
He was the only one in the family who worked in the business and that's probably why Dad handed it over in its entirety to him.

OP posts:
BIossomtoes · 20/05/2025 11:16

I don’t think criticising someone’s cooking implies senility, unkind though it is.

Original poster
SadANDupsetGirl · 20/05/2025 11:16

OneQuirkyPanda · 20/05/2025 11:10

Why is everything going to your brother?

Not really sure to be honest. Maybe he is just more favoured. I am not money driven and don't want to fight with anyone, so I suppose I have just accepted my fate in all of this. Some families are just unequitable I suppose.

OP posts:
Original poster
SadANDupsetGirl · 20/05/2025 11:17

JoyousEagle · 20/05/2025 10:56

Well on the face of it, no YANBU. But have you spoken to your dad about it? What is the situation? It’s very premature to be getting architects in when it sounds like your dad is healthy - are they considering paying for improvements to the house now while your dad is there?

No. They want the plans all ready to go. They wouldn't do it while he is living there. I think they are going to try coax him to leave possibly.

OP posts:
crossstitchingnana · 20/05/2025 11:18

Why do parents do this? Treat one child differently? I am working so hard to treat my two DC completely fairly. You are amazing OP to not be upset by the business and house being handed to your brother.

GoldieFish · 20/05/2025 11:18

SadANDupsetGirl · 20/05/2025 11:14

No backstory really.
The house was intended to go to him because that was mother's wish before she died. She wanted someone in the family to keep living in the house and chose him.
He was the only one in the family who worked in the business and that's probably why Dad handed it over in its entirety to him.

Show quote history

It just seems ridiculously inequitable! Why are you seemingly OK with being the one who gets nothing?

Original poster
SadANDupsetGirl · 20/05/2025 11:20

MonoMono · 20/05/2025 11:08

Sorry, are we to understand that your brother got sole possession of a multimillion pound business and now is in line for his house too?

Where do you and your inheritance fit into all this?

Yes. That was my mother's wish I suppose. It isn't fair, but I am not going to make a deal out of it. I have a very good job and have made my own way in life and have what I need.

OP posts:
Original poster
SadANDupsetGirl · 20/05/2025 11:22

MissMoneyFairy · 20/05/2025 11:13

I'd be more upset about why the house is being left to your brother on top of everything else he's been given, what's the reason. They can get architect in with dad's permission, it's up to him what he allows, what does dad want to happen, does he care that his granddaughter mocked him, do you think he's being bullied and Co erced, seems a bit strange that he's left the house to your brother after he sold the family business against dad's wishes.

He doesn't have Snapchat so doesn't know he is being mocked. My own daughter showed me the video, which was horrifying.
It does feel like he is being coerced. The business was sold from under him, his wife (my mother) died and now this with the house...all in the space of less than 12 months.

OP posts:
Koazy · 20/05/2025 11:22

That’s disgusting on your dad’s part

Original poster
SadANDupsetGirl · 20/05/2025 11:23

crossstitchingnana · 20/05/2025 11:18

Why do parents do this? Treat one child differently? I am working so hard to treat my two DC completely fairly. You are amazing OP to not be upset by the business and house being handed to your brother.

I am upset, very upset, but trying not to dwell on it. This has made me so conscious to ensure my 2 children are given 50% each of all that I have. I wouldn't do this to my own children, but I cannot control the actions of others, including my father and my mother (rip).

OP posts:
Original poster
SadANDupsetGirl · 20/05/2025 11:24

GoldieFish · 20/05/2025 11:18

It just seems ridiculously inequitable! Why are you seemingly OK with being the one who gets nothing?

Show quote history

I am not ok at all. But what can I do about it? I am very, very hurt and feel like a lesser child and less favoured, but what am I going to do in all reality? I am not going to cause war over it.

OP posts:
holidayclubs · 20/05/2025 11:25

Your dad is making a choice that is causing this situation. My mother is doing the same she’s even let my sister redecorate her house for when she inherits it ! I’m getting fuck all and that’s why I’m now NC with them all. I think it may be worth getting some therapy this is what I did and I found I was holding on to some kind of dream version of my family and always hoping they’d change to be decent people. Once I realised that won’t happen I could start to heal myself.

picking favourites is just a spiteful game to some people and the inheritance issue is so common sadly.

RhannionKPSS · 20/05/2025 11:25

FGS ! go and speak to your dad about what your concerns are

Original poster
SadANDupsetGirl · 20/05/2025 11:25

Koazy · 20/05/2025 11:22

That’s disgusting on your dad’s part

My Dad is doing what my mother asked him to do before she died. She wanted my brother to have the house. Yes, it is all beyond hurtful, but what can I do. I have no control over this.

OP posts:
Lurker85 · 20/05/2025 11:25

Sorry this is awful for you ☹️ Mom’s wish or not surely your dad can see how unfair it is…. If they want the house to stay in the family then it should be left to both of you and then your brother could buy you out using his millions.

IveGotAnUnusuallyLargePelvisISwear · 20/05/2025 11:25

Based on what you’ve said here I’m really hoping that your dad is trolling your brother and when he does die he leaves either the house to you or to the cats home or really anyone but your brother and SIL.

I have the real ick for people who discuss what their plans are for “their inheritance” while the person they expect to inherit from is still alive. It’s not your inheritance until you inherit it. Nothing is guaranteed.

Original poster
SadANDupsetGirl · 20/05/2025 11:26

holidayclubs · 20/05/2025 11:25

Your dad is making a choice that is causing this situation. My mother is doing the same she’s even let my sister redecorate her house for when she inherits it ! I’m getting fuck all and that’s why I’m now NC with them all. I think it may be worth getting some therapy this is what I did and I found I was holding on to some kind of dream version of my family and always hoping they’d change to be decent people. Once I realised that won’t happen I could start to heal myself.

picking favourites is just a spiteful game to some people and the inheritance issue is so common sadly.

I am sorry to hear this. Sounds similar to my scenario.
I am not going to go NC with my Dad as I do love him and he is a good person, just very easily led by others.

OP posts:
Original poster
SadANDupsetGirl · 20/05/2025 11:26

RhannionKPSS · 20/05/2025 11:25

FGS ! go and speak to your dad about what your concerns are

It would upset him. I don't want to upset him.

OP posts:
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