For thinking my brother and his wife trying to take my Dad's house?

[SadANDupsetGirl]

My Dad has left his house to my brother and his wife in his will (bone of contention in the family as my Dad already gave my brother the family business and then my brother sold it, making millions of pounds, despite my Dad not wanting this to happen. My Dad was still involved in the business and used to pop in during the day, albeit not as an owner once he gave it to my brother). My Dad is a very fit and healthy 81 year old and I hope he has many years left in his home. He loves his garden and cutting his lawn and takes great pride in the house.

My brother and his wife have announced to me that they want to get an architect into my Dad's house to start drawing up house plans as they "have lots of ideas" about what they want to do with it once they get their hands on it.

I feel that they are just wanting my Dad to die!

One of their children, their 16 year old daughter, was staying with Dad last week while my brother and his wife were on holidays and this niece posted a scathing Snapchat video about my Dad about "how bad he is at cooking" and how she "had to throw her dinner into the bushes beside the patio when he wasn't looking"..all the way through laughing her head off, basically making out like my Dad is some senile imbecile. I feel like my brother and his wife are speaking ill about my Dad behind his back. My Dad isn't senile at all and is very capable and kind.

When I asked my brother why he has to bring in an architect into my Dad's house to basically plan for when my Dad is deceased, he got a bit huffy with me. I asked him why he can't just leave Dad alone and has to be doing this to him. Then he told me he's thinking of buying a small bungalow that's for sale nearby anyway. Now I am afraid he's going to try and take my Dad's house and put my Dad into the little bungalow. I always thought my Dad would be able to live in his house til the rest of his days.

My brother and his wife have a lovely house near my Dad's and millions in the bank, so I don't know what the fixation is on taking my Dad's house (Dad's house is beautiful BTW) when they could just build or buy one equally nice.

I feel that my brother and my sister in law are having no regard for my Dad, are waiting for him to die and are either going to try push him into a home or into the small bungalow they're about to buy down the road.

AIBU in being so upset about this?

The actions of others don’t define your worth, please don’t feel less than. See it for what it is - their manipulation,unkindness and greed.

OP - why are you worrying so much about a father who is leaving life changing sums of money and assets to your brother while giving you nothing? If your dad’s decision to leave his house only to his male offspring brings out your brother’s grabby side, he only has himself to blame.

You'd think. I wish this was the case too.
I am more concerned with the issue at hand though - what my brother is doing WHILE my Dad is alive and how upsetting this is.

Your dad is not senile so why can’t you just speak to him?
Be honest with him… he handed your brother a business worth millions, which your brother sold and now he is giving him the house. What about you and your children? Have you asked him?

You don’t have to accept shitty treatment.

But it’s fine for him to upset you?

He may have been vulnerable when he sold the business if it was soon after yiur mum died which is awful but presumably he involved a solicitor and agreed to it,you can speak to your dad and ask if he's happy with what's happened and giving the house to your brother, ifnhes of sound mind and happy then what can you do, you can report any coercion or financial abuse by speaking to agent or elderabuseuk. Has anyone considered he may need to have carers or a care home in the future which he'd have to pay for. If you don't want any inheritance or be part of any hurtful discussions I'd just keep out of it and let them get on with it, has he made any inheritance provision for your children.

Thanks. Yes. Thank you.

You sound very very passive, your parents have disinherited you with no explanation what so ever, you don’t even seem to have asked them why? I don’t understand why you would care what happens to the house when you’ve been treated this way.

It was more my mother's wish to leave the house to my brother. My Dad made the mistake in giving my brother a controlling share in the business and he sold it against my Dad's will and pocketed all the proceeds. My Dad doesn't want to go against my mother's wish for the house. The sale of the business happened when my mother was dying.

Does your dad have POA set up?

Yes, I know. My Dad is hard to talk to..will get very upset and won't change the outcome.

Why did your mother want your brother to have the house?

He is a good person? No, he isn't or he would treat you fairly and not give everything to your brother. I don't feel sorry for him at all, he has chosen the family he prefers so let them take advantage of him (unless he's senile ofcourse).

This. Stay out of it - if they move your dad to a bungalow or whatever, that's on them and him.

Exactly. The shit people let others get away with baffles me. OP’s dad can leave what he likes to who he likes but there are repercussions from that- the child who is left out is hurt. Stop tiptoeing around his man to avoid hurting his feelings when he gives zero shit about yours.

Not that I know of. It's all going to my brother.
I had hoped that my Dad would be able to stay in his home and have carers at home if he needs it. My brother wouldn't let my mother have hospice care at home. I tried to get her out of the hospice for a day. I planted up all the flower pots to make it look pretty but he was saying it was too much hassle etc. So I know the way he is and am therefore very scared that he is going to try oust Dad from the house prematurely.

I guess she preferred him to me. He was probably her favourite child.

Not sure how the business could be sold if your sad was a shareholder and he didn't receive any proceeds, did he engage a solicitor.

It doesn’t matter that it was your mother’s wish - a good father would know that it was morally wrong to disinherit his daughter and wouldn’t go along with it. He sounds like a very weak man.

What are you getting? Left to you in the will

Well then, fundamentally he isn’t a good parent. So he isn’t worth worrying about. If he gets moved into a bungalow then so be it.
As long as he isn’t properly neglected then don’t get involved. He has shown no care or concern for you or your children when it comes to finances, so don’t so him any.

Sounds like your parents just wanted a boy, they got a boy so he gets everything. You’re the girl… not worth as much. Stop worrying about him when it comes to his finances or his housing. He won’t be homeless.

And don’t give up time with your kids or take days off work to care for him if he becomes unwell in his old age. Your brother can do that. He doesn’t care about you so take a step back.

I know money isn’t everything, but it’s not about the money. It’s about what the money shows; at the end of the day, he isn’t concerned about you and doesn’t care about treating you equally to the man child.

I don't care about the house. I care about my Dad and his wellbeing and him being potentially ousted out of the house. Architects coming in while he is still alive and well, which basically says, "Can't wait for you to die so I can do the house up the way I like it."

He got £300k but he was in so fit state to sign anything. Constantly upset about it and trying to manage while my mother was in hospice care.

Yes he is weak and my mother had a huge hold over him.

This. If Dad held any shares in the business still, he should have received some proceeds (and if he gifted shares to DBro rather than sold them at fair value, it's likely that there's a tax implication for DBro)