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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DD keeps asking to go home whilst on holiday

225 replies

FairPlayer274 · 20/05/2025 05:49

I suppose I already know I’m BU, but I guess I just wanted to talk about it…

I took DD, who turns 4 next month, on a 10 day trip to California to visit my long-lost grandmother/her great grandmother (with whom I immediately felt comfortable, and with whom DD immediately fell in love), and then to go hiking/camping in the mountains of Sequoia, Kings Canyon, and Yosemite National Parks.

We’ve been swimming where there’s been opportunity, even though the water’s been pretty cold (though DD didn’t want to get out any time we went in. That child loves to swim!) In between, we also stopped in Fresno to tour the underground gardens and visit the zoo (where she got to feed the giraffes and pet some sting rays!), and tomorrow, as we make our way back to Los Angeles for our flight home, I plan on stopping to do an alpine rail coaster thing, and have dinner with GM again.

We’ve been sleeping in a pretty spacious tent on a blow-up mattress, with a sleeping bag rated for -6C/20F weather, with layers and layers of clothing on when it’s been cold at night (it got down to 1C/34F at one point, but I still felt comfortable, and DD wasn’t complaining of cold so I figure she was comfortable as well). I’ve carried her in her special backpack for most of the hiking, as she hasn’t wanted to walk much. I think we’ve been eating pretty decently too, with fruits, veggies, protein, carbs, and healthy fats at every meal, and many of the foods DD usually eats at home (though we’ve only had cooked foods when visiting GM and once at a restaurant after a long hike) and fresh water on hand at all time.

Hygiene could probably be a bit better; we haven’t showered at every opportunity because it’s a huge hassle and there hasn’t been hot water everywhere, but we’ve showered a few times and baby wiped with camping soap and shampoo every night we didn’t shower. Got to do laundry this morning, right as we ran out of clean clothing, too. We’ve had sunscreen and bug spray and such, and toys and books and crayons for the car and flights.

And we’ve called our family members any time we’ve had cell service… but I think she still misses everyone back home, including our dogs. (She talks about the dogs to strangers at every opportunity, and there’s been a lot of dogs to pet.) She started asking to go home on day 6, and has been getting more insistent (well, now, demanding/crying) that we go home. We have a whole list of things we’re going to do when we get back: ride bikes, make ice pops, go to the pool, take a bath, watch TV, hug Daddy, go to school, etc.

I’m sure the upset of her usual routine and the sudden withdrawal from screens has been hard on her, but I thought I was doing a good thing by getting her outside to see all the beauty of the natural world, and I worked really hard to make sure we were comfortable the whole time. I thought we were having fun and spending time together, like we did on our 10 day hiking trip that we took when she was 2 1/2 yo… but I guess maybe this time it’s different. I’m feeling a bit like a shit parent over it, and for having her stick it out to the end instead of eating the cost of our reservations and flying home early.

I guess maybe shorter trips, in the future? And we probably ought to convince DH to come, too.

OP posts:
verycloakanddaggers · 20/05/2025 05:54

Kids like being home when they're little, it's where the things/people/pets they love are and it's where they feel safe.

You'll be home soon.

Odras · 20/05/2025 05:58

You’re terrific with the camping and a 3 year old. One of my kids absolutely loved travelling from the get go. The other two found holidays harder until they were about 5/6. Kids are very stuck on their routine. It doesn’t mean she isn’t having a nice time, she’s just getting homesick at times.

dottiedodah · 20/05/2025 05:59

It sounds an amazing trip.howevet LO like their routine 😍. She is 4 and likes to be surrounded by her home comforts.missing Daddy her doggies, just day to day routine. Tiring too.a friends Dad used to say its hard work being a tourist! ,I expect when she's home she will cherry pick the good bits to tell Daddy.

TeenToTwenties · 20/05/2025 06:05

She's 4.
10 days away from home , doing something very different, without her Dad, I'm not surprised she's a bit homesick.

WhamBhamThankYouMham · 20/05/2025 06:08

Ha. This is my daughter. She's 16 now and still a home bird! She enjoys travelling but she seems to have a real homing instinct hard-wired. We've travelled a fair bit as a family to some really amazing places and, now she's older, she can articulate that she has always really enjoyed the travel but just always has this little signal that is reminding her of home. I've always been chilled out about it and validated that I miss home too but isn't it amazing to see all this stuff etc etc Don't feel bad - it's just the way your daighter is built!

(That's not to say it's not frustrating- we've been in some of the most amazing places in the world and I have definitely had to grit my teeth as she has jibbed on about "hoooooommmmee" for the 3rd time that day 🤣)

MollyButton · 20/05/2025 06:16

One of my daughter’s used to get homesick every holiday, but it didn’t stop us having them. And she was surrounded by family (both parents and siblings).
Funnily enough she was the one who is often off travelling now.

MissedItByThisMuch · 20/05/2025 06:18

This sounds like an amazing trip for an older child OP. It might just be that 3 is a bit too young to fully understand or appreciate the sights she’s seeing and experiences she’s getting to have in exchange for giving up the home comforts. You might need to refocus your holidays for a few years until she’s ready.

Pottingup · 20/05/2025 06:19

Wow it sounds like the best holiday! I think when you’re so little you can’t really understand about having two sets of contradictory feelings so well - so that you can be enjoying something but also missing something else. I think she just needs your reassurance and acknowledgment about having those feelings. I remember being that age and going for a sleepover at my granny’s and then panicking that I’d miss my mum and asking her to take me home - but knowing that I really just wanted reassurance from her that it would be ok. She did take me home and I was really sad about missing the sleepover.

TheSandgroper · 20/05/2025 06:20

She’s four and is waking up the fact that the world is BIG. Her little brain is tired. Keep cuddling. Keep counting down. Figure out how to make her world smaller. Lots of time inside the circle of your arms. Not so much “look at the view” but some “what a funny leaf”. Take photos. Let her take photos.

When you get home, print the photos and put them in a small album just for her to look at. Make sure she chooses some of them from your collection. One of the best things about holidays with little ones is afterwards and the things that made an impression whether you noticed at the time or not.

olympicsrock · 20/05/2025 06:23

She’s very little and misses Daddy but she is not in charge. She’ll be home soon.

Springadorable · 20/05/2025 06:24

She's just homesick. It's the equivalent of you going on a year long round the world trip - you'd have a great time, but would probably still pine for home at points. Ten days is a very long time when you're little.

Westun · 20/05/2025 06:25

I had this with my two year old. I took her to visit family abroad but her siblings couldn’t travel with us as it was term time and they were school age. On day two she woke up early dressed herself in the clothes she wore the day before gathered her things and sat on the suitcase ready to go! Grin

She did have fun and played with cousins etc but she kept asking to go home. Six months later we went back but her siblings and dad came as well and she was settled as we were all together and didn’t get homesick at all.

Pepperama · 20/05/2025 06:26

As others have said, I would cut short, just reassure and count down. It’s normal, and she’ll get a lot out of the experience of things turning out as you said. Counting down four days and then exactly as you said, you’re travelling home and all the things she’s missed wait there. Amazing opportunity to show her that something can be a bit difficult at times but still wonderful. And she’s got you there as her safety net - trusted enough to show you her occasional distress.

UpsideDownChairs · 20/05/2025 06:28

When my kids were that age, I had about 3 days before they were ready to go home again.

TBH, even now as teens/tweens, 7 days is the max they like to be away from home - we did a 10 day holiday last year, and with travel time, they both agreed that it was way too long.

CornishDew · 20/05/2025 06:36

This is an incredible trip! My DD was like that at that age, she’d even ask to go home from play dates after 30 minutes when she was tiny. Before she could talk, she’d bring our shoes, then coats and bags, then keep nudging them.

She’s a true home bird, but I love to travel. She has learnt to love adventures, knows home will always be there and never asks for her Dad now whilst travelling at 8. I don’t regret any of our trips and cherish our time together. It has given us both so many wonderful memories as well as instilling a love of adventure and travel. It will get easier with every trip

UsernameChange1675 · 20/05/2025 06:40

We do " how many sleeps until you go home" which helps for us

user1492757084 · 20/05/2025 06:42

DD will remember the trip as a positive one probably.
It sounds like a wonderful time away and you are right to stay the full time. DD is just feeling challenged with new things and weary from coping.
Next holiday do similar (and different) but maybe bring Dad along.
Go on a few camping trips nearer to home too. That will further equip DD and mean that she feels more in control of her environment - putting up her tent, starting fires, cooking pancakes etc.

Shuttered · 20/05/2025 06:42

I think you go on trips with children of that age for you, not them. You could literally be showing them the wonders of the world, and they’d rather be at home in your Basildon semi pottering among their Lego.

CelestialGazer · 20/05/2025 06:48

Shuttered · 20/05/2025 06:42

I think you go on trips with children of that age for you, not them. You could literally be showing them the wonders of the world, and they’d rather be at home in your Basildon semi pottering among their Lego.

This. It’s far too much for a child of that age, and is centred around what you want, not what she wants. Which is very selfish imo.

She won’t remember any of it in years to come either, except maybe a very vague memory of being in the big countryside and being unhappy.

digiwidgy · 20/05/2025 06:53

DS was like this when we visited family in Australia and he was 7. After about 2 weeks he wanted to go home. He likes his routine and everything familiar.

Tbrh · 20/05/2025 06:57

CelestialGazer · 20/05/2025 06:48

This. It’s far too much for a child of that age, and is centred around what you want, not what she wants. Which is very selfish imo.

She won’t remember any of it in years to come either, except maybe a very vague memory of being in the big countryside and being unhappy.

It's really not. I know plenty of young children who loves doing trips including my DC. The last two friends have just been to Sri Lanka, Japan, and South Africa. She probably just misses her dad.

DreamTheMoors · 20/05/2025 07:00

I grew up in those mountains, OP.
I imagine they all look the same to a small child.
My mum told me that when I was 3, she and I were out for a walk and we came across a tarantula - she had to hold me back because I desperately wanted to pick it up.
I wish I’d known you were up there - or were going - because you could’ve kept going over the mountain down into Three Rivers. It’s very beautiful there and there’s a great candy store I’m sure both you and your daughter would’ve enjoyed. There’s also a great restaurant called the White Horse Inn - but it’s more of a grownup affair.
Did you enjoy the Big Trees? I’m sorry - the Giant Sequoias, the General Grant and the rest? They take my breath away every time I go around that curve.
I’m happy you both got to see your grandmother. I’ll bet she loved seeing your daughter. ❤️

CopperWhite · 20/05/2025 07:01

She’s just a bit homesick. No big deal.

BallerinaRadio · 20/05/2025 07:04

This is a lot for any child never mind a 3 year old. This is clearly your holiday that she was dragged along on, she would probably have been better staying at home with dad letting you do all these amazing things without her not really wanting to be there

TizerorFizz · 20/05/2025 07:05

If you can afford an early flight home, why are you camping? I’d spend the money on a hotel and do something less “outside” and relaxing for a couple of days.

She’s tired from hiking and why not have a change of scene? At this age my DCs liked swimming in pools and paddling in the sea and playing on a beach. I would not have expected my dc to like camping and hiking for 10 days at 3, especially in the cold.

You are also doing quite a lot of parks in 10 days without the seaside. Was there any play time built in or just hiking - which I assume you want? I would get a hotel at the coast (Monterey area ) and get into the aquarium and on a beach instead of flying home.

i would reduce the screen time anyway if she’s missing that!

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