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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DD keeps asking to go home whilst on holiday

225 replies

FairPlayer274 · 20/05/2025 05:49

I suppose I already know I’m BU, but I guess I just wanted to talk about it…

I took DD, who turns 4 next month, on a 10 day trip to California to visit my long-lost grandmother/her great grandmother (with whom I immediately felt comfortable, and with whom DD immediately fell in love), and then to go hiking/camping in the mountains of Sequoia, Kings Canyon, and Yosemite National Parks.

We’ve been swimming where there’s been opportunity, even though the water’s been pretty cold (though DD didn’t want to get out any time we went in. That child loves to swim!) In between, we also stopped in Fresno to tour the underground gardens and visit the zoo (where she got to feed the giraffes and pet some sting rays!), and tomorrow, as we make our way back to Los Angeles for our flight home, I plan on stopping to do an alpine rail coaster thing, and have dinner with GM again.

We’ve been sleeping in a pretty spacious tent on a blow-up mattress, with a sleeping bag rated for -6C/20F weather, with layers and layers of clothing on when it’s been cold at night (it got down to 1C/34F at one point, but I still felt comfortable, and DD wasn’t complaining of cold so I figure she was comfortable as well). I’ve carried her in her special backpack for most of the hiking, as she hasn’t wanted to walk much. I think we’ve been eating pretty decently too, with fruits, veggies, protein, carbs, and healthy fats at every meal, and many of the foods DD usually eats at home (though we’ve only had cooked foods when visiting GM and once at a restaurant after a long hike) and fresh water on hand at all time.

Hygiene could probably be a bit better; we haven’t showered at every opportunity because it’s a huge hassle and there hasn’t been hot water everywhere, but we’ve showered a few times and baby wiped with camping soap and shampoo every night we didn’t shower. Got to do laundry this morning, right as we ran out of clean clothing, too. We’ve had sunscreen and bug spray and such, and toys and books and crayons for the car and flights.

And we’ve called our family members any time we’ve had cell service… but I think she still misses everyone back home, including our dogs. (She talks about the dogs to strangers at every opportunity, and there’s been a lot of dogs to pet.) She started asking to go home on day 6, and has been getting more insistent (well, now, demanding/crying) that we go home. We have a whole list of things we’re going to do when we get back: ride bikes, make ice pops, go to the pool, take a bath, watch TV, hug Daddy, go to school, etc.

I’m sure the upset of her usual routine and the sudden withdrawal from screens has been hard on her, but I thought I was doing a good thing by getting her outside to see all the beauty of the natural world, and I worked really hard to make sure we were comfortable the whole time. I thought we were having fun and spending time together, like we did on our 10 day hiking trip that we took when she was 2 1/2 yo… but I guess maybe this time it’s different. I’m feeling a bit like a shit parent over it, and for having her stick it out to the end instead of eating the cost of our reservations and flying home early.

I guess maybe shorter trips, in the future? And we probably ought to convince DH to come, too.

OP posts:
thetrumanshow · 20/05/2025 11:46

Shuttered · 20/05/2025 06:42

I think you go on trips with children of that age for you, not them. You could literally be showing them the wonders of the world, and they’d rather be at home in your Basildon semi pottering among their Lego.

so untrue

They might have different interests than adults, and very different idea of what "wonders of the world are" and that's why you have to plan trips around children.

but plenty of 4 yo would get very bored very quickly of "pottering among their lego".

It's hard to miss dad and the dogs, but sleeping next or in daddy or mummy's duvet is seen as an upgrade for many kids for a start!

Seasong · 20/05/2025 11:48

Always someone whinging😁. Just ignore them.

Yikes! Charming- she’s only 3 and has done well to last this long since even many adults would have wanted to bail after one or two nights.

Lickityspit · 20/05/2025 11:53

I’m a proper grown up (honest) who is on holiday and looking forward to going home. I’ve had a lovely time but I miss my kids, my home, my elderly parents, routine.
what an amazing experience you have given her OP and you are not a shit parent at all. She’s just little and missing home

ThatLemonBear · 20/05/2025 12:02

CleanShirt · 20/05/2025 10:46

The flight was worth it then.

😂

Theworldisinyourhands · 20/05/2025 12:05

OP don't feel bad and just do what works for you. Holidays just won't ever go as planned at this age. It doesn't mean your child hasn't had a valuable experience from it. It's just that a young child doesn't see the world the same way as adults do. They have no concept of how special somewhere is or what a privledge it is to be there. What I'd say is set yourself a clear plan today of what you're going to do and stick with it. Your dd is a bit overwhelmed and you need to support her with that but that doesn't mean that she gets to dictate how a pre-planned holiday goes.

We took our's to Lapland when she was 5.5. It was literally magical. It looked like narnia. We played in the snow, met santa, did a husky ride. To this day 2 years later the only thing my dd really says about it is it was too cold 🤣 She still wants to go back though. It's just what kids are like. Their feelings are honest and unfiltered and everything is a new experience to them so they just have no real understanding of how special a trip is.

Btw I have been to Disney Magic kingdom before I had dd. It was full of overwhelmed toddlers and young kids who hated the crowds, hated the overstimulation and parents who were bollocking them for ruining their dream holiday. It was really quite sad to see.Tbh your trip sounds much nicer for a 3 year old. I loved Florida but swore we wouldn't do that holiday again until dd is in double figures.

There's a lot of very opinionated people on here who are either being snobs or reverse-snobs about what is fundamentally your leisure time. Do what makes you and your child happy at the end of the day. There's nothing wrong with them experiencing the natural beauty of the world and there's nothing wrong with them experiencing impressive cities and there's nothing wrong with just kicking back, making friends, playing in the water park and having a bop at the kid's disco. We've done all the above with our daughter and it's all been loved and valuable for different reasons.

BoudiccaRuled · 20/05/2025 12:10

It's shocking you mention withdrawal from screens for a four year old.
Edit: Three year old.

Bluedabadeeba · 20/05/2025 12:10

Ahhhh. We had something similar when mine was 3.5. But at the start of the holiday. Turns out he'd hyped up the plane journey so much, had a great big upset when he realised we weren't almost immediately going back home on the plane, like we do on the bus (I'd forgotten to explain that on a holiday, we live in a different place for a week or so).

He calmed down after a few days. But it's very hard for them to conceptualise time, I guess, so 10 days for us could feel indefinite for a 4 year old!

BoredZelda · 20/05/2025 12:17

I love camping, but hate hiking. If I were on someone’s back hiking, I’d hate that.

Pretty much whatever I’m doing, 10 days away is too much for me. By day 6, I always want to go home.

Jdh172 · 20/05/2025 13:12

She's just homesick, don't worry too much about it, you'll be home soon enough. Kids like routine and she probably won't remember any of this when she's older so trips like this are a bit wasted on a 3 year old.
She'll probably love it when she's a bit older

LittleMonks11 · 20/05/2025 13:14

Having just reread the OP I suspect they are home now and OP was musing in future trips.

So having read all the comments now OP, what are you thinking for next hols? Taking DH this time? Less camping and hiking? More warm food and beds? UK hol so dogs can come along? Or Inca Trail and be damned?!

TheSwarm · 20/05/2025 13:18

10 days for a 4 year old is an absolute lifetime. I think that is probably just a little bit to go away for at that age and not expect them to miss home, especially on a trip which does sound way more geared up towards adults than kids.

Mh67 · 20/05/2025 13:24

You actually answered part of the problem yourself screen addiction. I couldn't work out why so many local kids were not going on a free school trip till a parent told me they were not allowed screens. Such a shame

Needspaceforlego · 20/05/2025 13:28

LittleMonks11 · 20/05/2025 13:14

Having just reread the OP I suspect they are home now and OP was musing in future trips.

So having read all the comments now OP, what are you thinking for next hols? Taking DH this time? Less camping and hiking? More warm food and beds? UK hol so dogs can come along? Or Inca Trail and be damned?!

She talks at the end about having one day to do the alpine coaster thing then home.

Spinachpastapicker · 20/05/2025 13:29

She’s 4 and you’ve taken her away from everything and everyone she knows and loves. Plus exhaustion and a very different routine. It’s not really hard to understand. Even adults get emotional and homesick, and she’s so young to be away so far from all her comforts of home.

IWillBeWaxingAnOwl · 20/05/2025 13:42

You're not unreasonable to find it a bit stressful and sad @FairPlayer274 . You I'm sure also had hopes and dreams for the trip.

Others are correct that for her age and stage this is a long trip and a big change. It is very different than home and her loved ones aren't there. You've also been a variety of places on the trip so she hasnt gotten used to one spot.

It will be really valuable that she gets so much time with her mummy and to meet other relatives and have new experiences even though she also misses how things usually are. It sounds like all your prep, packing, sleeping environment, contact with home was great.

No one is doing or has done anything wrong, it's just hard when you are little. Validate the emotions, help her understand when she's home (two sleeps now, we will go to the plane then be in uk, then drive home etc). You'll be home before you know it and she will be telling her dad all about the animals etc. love the idea of a photo memory book for her.

I do agree with others that if she's missing screens, she likely has too much screen time.

TizerorFizz · 20/05/2025 13:44

@Mh67 It’s an addiction isn’t it? Why don’t parents insist dc go?

SquidLife · 20/05/2025 13:45

Honestly, this sort of holiday sounds like my idea of hell - even as a kid. It's just hard work and uncomfortable to me. As a child I hated being dirty, I wasn't (and still am not) mad keen on camping or not having access to toilets/showers and I get bored of walking in nature (unless by the sea). I am sure I must sound like the most ungrateful of brats but camping holidays were never enjoyable for me.... or my accompanying adults!

I do not doubt at all that you have had some amazing adventures and that in theory it is a brilliant experience as a kid. I also suspect I would have made.my kid stick it out too if we committed.

However with hindsight, it does sound like a trip for an older child or a child wired for this type of experience. (My middle would adore it. My youngest (4) would hate it and my oldest would probably enjoy it at a reduced time span). I guess all you can do is reflect on whether this was a trip with your daughter in mind and the type.or child.she is or if it was a holiday for a memory you wanted to have, (that's ok too).

I wouldn't beat yourself up about it though. Even if she is a child like me, you will have given her an experience and it will have expanded her horizons! I.still talk about my sister taking me camping in the Auzzie outback for new years eve for one night 15 years ago... 😆

Emmz1510 · 20/05/2025 13:48

Don’t take it so personally and you are definitely not a shit mum! She’s probably just tired, possibly over stimulated and craving her home comforts, familiar routine and other loved ones. Maybe take things a bit easier till you leave for home? She probably needs time to just chill and play.

TizerorFizz · 20/05/2025 13:55

@SquidLifeWere you 3 then? What do you remember as a 3 year old?

Geranium1984 · 20/05/2025 13:57

This sounds like such an amazing trip! I've been to Yosemitie and will absolutely take my family there when the kids are older.
My son is like this on holiday (is now 4yo), although he has a great time doing all the activities, he often asks when we're going home. He just loves being home, playing in the garden, having all his toys, predictable routine.

We still go away but not as often as I'd like and mostly trips in the UK as whenever we've spent £££ going abroad I don't feel they appreciate it.

I think once they get to 7+ we will do more adventurous holidays.

FairPlayer274 · 20/05/2025 13:58

CelestialGazer · 20/05/2025 06:48

This. It’s far too much for a child of that age, and is centred around what you want, not what she wants. Which is very selfish imo.

She won’t remember any of it in years to come either, except maybe a very vague memory of being in the big countryside and being unhappy.

I don’t think nearly 4 is too little to remember anything. I have memories from when I was 2 or 3… Plus we have so many photos

OP posts:
Mymanyellow · 20/05/2025 14:04

10 days with no hot food, no shower and freezing weather? I’d want to come home too.
Perhaps it’s just been a bit much for her and she’s had enough and wants to come home.
No harm done just remember she’s three and it’s all been too much.

Spinachpastapicker · 20/05/2025 14:04

PussInBin20 · 20/05/2025 07:07

This sounds like an amazing trip for a 12 yr old, not 4.

4 yr olds like a simpler life, toys, maybe a beach, with a familiar routine, a proper bed! She won’t care about sight seeing at that age or camping in the mountains.

For a few years when my DD was little we went to Haven - not my idea of a great holiday but everything is geared to kids. I got my enjoyment from seeing her happy.

I agree, all that hiking does it sounds like what would suit a 3/4 year old! Even carried. Tiring and boring.

SquidLife · 20/05/2025 14:05

TizerorFizz · 20/05/2025 13:55

@SquidLifeWere you 3 then? What do you remember as a 3 year old?

Not sure I was 3 but pretty young for some memories 🤔

I remember crying one time because of the mud in my hair and under my nails wouldn't come out. I also remember being scared to pee outside and feeling embarrassed. I was (am) pretty scared of bugs too and remember times.when I was afraid to go in to toilets or caravan and/or camp sites. I have lots of memories but not necessarily of the same times.

I am just not a very out-doorsy type of person and I admit that. I can regulate.it a bit more as an adult.

TaggieO · 20/05/2025 14:09

FairPlayer274 · 20/05/2025 05:49

I suppose I already know I’m BU, but I guess I just wanted to talk about it…

I took DD, who turns 4 next month, on a 10 day trip to California to visit my long-lost grandmother/her great grandmother (with whom I immediately felt comfortable, and with whom DD immediately fell in love), and then to go hiking/camping in the mountains of Sequoia, Kings Canyon, and Yosemite National Parks.

We’ve been swimming where there’s been opportunity, even though the water’s been pretty cold (though DD didn’t want to get out any time we went in. That child loves to swim!) In between, we also stopped in Fresno to tour the underground gardens and visit the zoo (where she got to feed the giraffes and pet some sting rays!), and tomorrow, as we make our way back to Los Angeles for our flight home, I plan on stopping to do an alpine rail coaster thing, and have dinner with GM again.

We’ve been sleeping in a pretty spacious tent on a blow-up mattress, with a sleeping bag rated for -6C/20F weather, with layers and layers of clothing on when it’s been cold at night (it got down to 1C/34F at one point, but I still felt comfortable, and DD wasn’t complaining of cold so I figure she was comfortable as well). I’ve carried her in her special backpack for most of the hiking, as she hasn’t wanted to walk much. I think we’ve been eating pretty decently too, with fruits, veggies, protein, carbs, and healthy fats at every meal, and many of the foods DD usually eats at home (though we’ve only had cooked foods when visiting GM and once at a restaurant after a long hike) and fresh water on hand at all time.

Hygiene could probably be a bit better; we haven’t showered at every opportunity because it’s a huge hassle and there hasn’t been hot water everywhere, but we’ve showered a few times and baby wiped with camping soap and shampoo every night we didn’t shower. Got to do laundry this morning, right as we ran out of clean clothing, too. We’ve had sunscreen and bug spray and such, and toys and books and crayons for the car and flights.

And we’ve called our family members any time we’ve had cell service… but I think she still misses everyone back home, including our dogs. (She talks about the dogs to strangers at every opportunity, and there’s been a lot of dogs to pet.) She started asking to go home on day 6, and has been getting more insistent (well, now, demanding/crying) that we go home. We have a whole list of things we’re going to do when we get back: ride bikes, make ice pops, go to the pool, take a bath, watch TV, hug Daddy, go to school, etc.

I’m sure the upset of her usual routine and the sudden withdrawal from screens has been hard on her, but I thought I was doing a good thing by getting her outside to see all the beauty of the natural world, and I worked really hard to make sure we were comfortable the whole time. I thought we were having fun and spending time together, like we did on our 10 day hiking trip that we took when she was 2 1/2 yo… but I guess maybe this time it’s different. I’m feeling a bit like a shit parent over it, and for having her stick it out to the end instead of eating the cost of our reservations and flying home early.

I guess maybe shorter trips, in the future? And we probably ought to convince DH to come, too.

This sounds much more like a trip for you to pat yourself on the back as an earth mother outdoorsy type than about what your daughter actually wants to do. If she’s been crying and distressed for days now then it’s clearly not for her. She hasn’t wanted to walk, she’s not had hot meals and she’s homesick. When you’re 4, a tree is a tree and a mountain is a mountain. I think this is maybe a holiday more suited to when she’s a lot older and shorter, more child centric trips would suit her better tbh.

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