DD keeps asking to go home whilst on holiday

[FairPlayer274]

I suppose I already know I’m BU, but I guess I just wanted to talk about it…

I took DD, who turns 4 next month, on a 10 day trip to California to visit my long-lost grandmother/her great grandmother (with whom I immediately felt comfortable, and with whom DD immediately fell in love), and then to go hiking/camping in the mountains of Sequoia, Kings Canyon, and Yosemite National Parks.

We’ve been swimming where there’s been opportunity, even though the water’s been pretty cold (though DD didn’t want to get out any time we went in. That child loves to swim!) In between, we also stopped in Fresno to tour the underground gardens and visit the zoo (where she got to feed the giraffes and pet some sting rays!), and tomorrow, as we make our way back to Los Angeles for our flight home, I plan on stopping to do an alpine rail coaster thing, and have dinner with GM again.

We’ve been sleeping in a pretty spacious tent on a blow-up mattress, with a sleeping bag rated for -6C/20F weather, with layers and layers of clothing on when it’s been cold at night (it got down to 1C/34F at one point, but I still felt comfortable, and DD wasn’t complaining of cold so I figure she was comfortable as well). I’ve carried her in her special backpack for most of the hiking, as she hasn’t wanted to walk much. I think we’ve been eating pretty decently too, with fruits, veggies, protein, carbs, and healthy fats at every meal, and many of the foods DD usually eats at home (though we’ve only had cooked foods when visiting GM and once at a restaurant after a long hike) and fresh water on hand at all time.

Hygiene could probably be a bit better; we haven’t showered at every opportunity because it’s a huge hassle and there hasn’t been hot water everywhere, but we’ve showered a few times and baby wiped with camping soap and shampoo every night we didn’t shower. Got to do laundry this morning, right as we ran out of clean clothing, too. We’ve had sunscreen and bug spray and such, and toys and books and crayons for the car and flights.

And we’ve called our family members any time we’ve had cell service… but I think she still misses everyone back home, including our dogs. (She talks about the dogs to strangers at every opportunity, and there’s been a lot of dogs to pet.) She started asking to go home on day 6, and has been getting more insistent (well, now, demanding/crying) that we go home. We have a whole list of things we’re going to do when we get back: ride bikes, make ice pops, go to the pool, take a bath, watch TV, hug Daddy, go to school, etc.

I’m sure the upset of her usual routine and the sudden withdrawal from screens has been hard on her, but I thought I was doing a good thing by getting her outside to see all the beauty of the natural world, and I worked really hard to make sure we were comfortable the whole time. I thought we were having fun and spending time together, like we did on our 10 day hiking trip that we took when she was 2 1/2 yo… but I guess maybe this time it’s different. I’m feeling a bit like a shit parent over it, and for having her stick it out to the end instead of eating the cost of our reservations and flying home early.

I guess maybe shorter trips, in the future? And we probably ought to convince DH to come, too.

It's nice she likes your home life enough that she doesn't need a holiday from it :). Sounds like an amazing trip!

That’s a lot for a three year old. I suspect she’s exhausted emotionally, mentally and physically. I doubt you will change your plans for the end of this trip, but I would spend the last few nights in a nice motel with a pool if possible - and give DD some hot food and a warm bed so it ends on a high - nit with her on her knees crying and cross with you.

We did a very similar trip before kids but stayed at lodges and motels. Wonderful memories - but we were early 30s not three!

That’s quite an adventurous trip for a little one. I think you have probably pushed her beyond what she can manage. I’m not sure id fancy 10 days camping at 1’c, limited hot meals and showers. You’ve also put quite an adult lens on it re the appreciating nature etc. Small kids often just don’t give a shit about the things we want them to like. My 3yo olds favourite thing about Disneyland was the train to get there as an example.

They are all different - I have 3 adult DDs. One of them was a disaster when away - we had to drag her around shuffling and moaning and complaining at every turn, while the others were having fun and mucking in.

And then we went away when she was about 16 and - hell on earth - she was in love and mooned about the whole time - drove us all nuts! But she did marry him in the end!!!

Your decision to take her on this trip was not wrong and you have done some wonderful things with her - well done. Nearly home now! You had no way of knowing what her response might be - another same-age child would have loved it - and in a year's time she might think it great too. There's no way of making predictions I am afraid.

Stop talking about home, buy her a cuddly toy. Can she gave an early night/longer sleep tonight? She’s probs tired. Can you chill in the tent, kids like a bit of doing nothing, singing etc

My DD once sobbed and wanted to go home in Disney Land. A quick shop visit to buy a cuddly toy, back to hotel room to chill and she was fine. She is a home bird too, however loves her holidays

Yeah, it's a lot to deal with, especially if she doesn't have much idea what's coming next, or opportunity to make her own choices.

Have you told her any plans for the week ahead? It might be useful to write it down as simply as possible: just a list of items eg (1) the aquarium, (2) visiting cousin John, (3) driving to the airport, (4) on the aeroplane, (5) see daddy.

If she's not getting much time to be independent I'd try and factor that sort of time in too. Find a playground and let her potter around for a while. Stay in the campsite and let her choose if she wants to play ball, do colouring, etc.

It's hard work taking small kids on holiday, especially long ones, especially ones requiring lots of travel - I'm so impressed!

This! It’s for you not her.

It sounds like an amazing holiday and you've done nothing wrong in bringing her. She's a bit homesick, she's not hurt or anything and it does her no harm to be out of routine for a little bit.

You don't have to only have holidays centred around children and this one has had loads of stuff for her to do.

Can you cut the hiking bit shorter and spend more time with your grandmother? Especially given she fell in love with her, seems a bit of a waste to go all that way to meet her then go off camping for the majority of the time. Also, it sounds like the camping/hiking is a bit much for her and that she's not particularly enjoying it

This. It's exhausting reading the itinerary and then to find you're camping without any home comforts or the ease of washing etc.

I don't know any 3yr who likes hiking even if you carry her some of the way.

She is exhausted and overwhelmed.

Try and have a quiet, unstimulated day so she can decompress a bit.

I'd worry more about the screen time you says she has when at home tbh, the impact of screens on developing brains is catastrophic

It might be a bit much for her at 4, especially if she’s not keen on camping and walking. Also without her dad she’ll be missing him. Maybe do some more child friendly holidays for a few years until she’s old enough to really enjoy something like this.

She'll barely remember the trip in a couple of years.... not the holiday for a 4 year old IMO. Visiting the grandmother yes, but hiking and all the moving around, sleeping in a cold tent etc...... really?

So you can afford an early flight home but not decent accommodation? Not even for a couple of nights so the kid can have a shower and a proper rest? Yeah right 🙄

My parents took me to Boston and Niagra went I was nearly 4, to visit mums family.
Apparently I was miserable.
I remember nothing about it apart from burning my feet on my mums cousins driveway.
Little kids want their families, pools, games, and other kids to play with on holiday.

She's far too young for this holiday. You can drag a small baby around in a backpack while hiking and providing the weather conditions are not too extreme, they'll be comfortable because they don't know any different.

A child of 3 or 4 is going to get very fed up being carted around in a backpack but is also too young to manage such an arduous trip entirely on foot. It's tiring and probably also really boring for her. There's only so long a child of that age can stay enthustiastic about any new experience or stay focused on whatever she's learning about the environment.

I'm not surprised she's had enough. She'd have enjoyed it for 24 hours tops maybe, that would have been a holiday adventure. At the moment this is starting to feel more like she's been made homeless.

Where soes it say she can't afford different accommodation? The camping is a choice and part of the fun of it. It's OK for children to not be living every bit of the holiday and try different things.

From the OP, I suppose I already know I’m BU, but I guess I just wanted to talk about it…, I don't think you are BU at all and I wouldn't be thinking about cutting it short. You said it's a 10 day trip and she started complaining on day 6 so I assume you're now on at least day 7. It's not like it's a month and you're only halfway through.

Do you really think camping in 1 degree temperatures with a 3yo sounds great?

Isn't it very hot in California. Imagine being in a tent in those temps, no a/c, infrequent showers.

Why didn't you stay with the beloved dgm. Whose tent is it?

I think you've got off lightly tbh most 3yr olds would be having tantrums due to the heat, probably being overtired, the hiking without regular showers etc etc.

Wanting to go home seems absolutely understandable tbh.

Are you guys together in the sleeping bag? My husband and I have hiked alot in cold countries with similar night time temps or colder, and were always a bit chilly in even our perfect spec sleeping bags, so zipping together our sleeping bags and both being in them worked wonders. Tent sleep is always not as good as bed sleep and she might just be enervated from that.

Camping may be part of the fun for the OP but it’s unlikely to be very enjoyable when you’re three, it’s 1 degree outside and you need to be bundled up in multiple layers before bed every night.

She needs a proper bed, a bath/shower and some decent food, not camping, layers and days of sitting in a hiking backpack while mum does what she wants.

I think this is normal. Just acknowledge the feelings and explain that the flights are booked for x days time. I wouldn't let it put you off what you do in the future, they change so much at that age.

Actually, I do. I know camping isn't for everyone but sounds like it's something the OP enjoys. The cold really isn't a huge problem for camping, in my opinion . as long as you're setup right.

She doesn't need those things. She might want them and she'll get them in a couple of days. There's no reason lots of children wouldn't enjoy the camping if they had enough layers, hard to know in advance.

It might not be the best fun the child has ever had, it might have been a bit ambitious a trip for her age. Doesn't mean it was a bad decision to try it or that it should be cut short.

I’m in awe that you are hiking round national
parks carry DD and all your camping and cooking gear. Surely it’s not just the two of you? Or maybe I don’t know a lot about camping/hiking gear. Are you an explorer by trade? Certainly not a run of the mill mum!