DD keeps asking to go home whilst on holiday

[FairPlayer274]

I suppose I already know I’m BU, but I guess I just wanted to talk about it…

I took DD, who turns 4 next month, on a 10 day trip to California to visit my long-lost grandmother/her great grandmother (with whom I immediately felt comfortable, and with whom DD immediately fell in love), and then to go hiking/camping in the mountains of Sequoia, Kings Canyon, and Yosemite National Parks.

We’ve been swimming where there’s been opportunity, even though the water’s been pretty cold (though DD didn’t want to get out any time we went in. That child loves to swim!) In between, we also stopped in Fresno to tour the underground gardens and visit the zoo (where she got to feed the giraffes and pet some sting rays!), and tomorrow, as we make our way back to Los Angeles for our flight home, I plan on stopping to do an alpine rail coaster thing, and have dinner with GM again.

We’ve been sleeping in a pretty spacious tent on a blow-up mattress, with a sleeping bag rated for -6C/20F weather, with layers and layers of clothing on when it’s been cold at night (it got down to 1C/34F at one point, but I still felt comfortable, and DD wasn’t complaining of cold so I figure she was comfortable as well). I’ve carried her in her special backpack for most of the hiking, as she hasn’t wanted to walk much. I think we’ve been eating pretty decently too, with fruits, veggies, protein, carbs, and healthy fats at every meal, and many of the foods DD usually eats at home (though we’ve only had cooked foods when visiting GM and once at a restaurant after a long hike) and fresh water on hand at all time.

Hygiene could probably be a bit better; we haven’t showered at every opportunity because it’s a huge hassle and there hasn’t been hot water everywhere, but we’ve showered a few times and baby wiped with camping soap and shampoo every night we didn’t shower. Got to do laundry this morning, right as we ran out of clean clothing, too. We’ve had sunscreen and bug spray and such, and toys and books and crayons for the car and flights.

And we’ve called our family members any time we’ve had cell service… but I think she still misses everyone back home, including our dogs. (She talks about the dogs to strangers at every opportunity, and there’s been a lot of dogs to pet.) She started asking to go home on day 6, and has been getting more insistent (well, now, demanding/crying) that we go home. We have a whole list of things we’re going to do when we get back: ride bikes, make ice pops, go to the pool, take a bath, watch TV, hug Daddy, go to school, etc.

I’m sure the upset of her usual routine and the sudden withdrawal from screens has been hard on her, but I thought I was doing a good thing by getting her outside to see all the beauty of the natural world, and I worked really hard to make sure we were comfortable the whole time. I thought we were having fun and spending time together, like we did on our 10 day hiking trip that we took when she was 2 1/2 yo… but I guess maybe this time it’s different. I’m feeling a bit like a shit parent over it, and for having her stick it out to the end instead of eating the cost of our reservations and flying home early.

I guess maybe shorter trips, in the future? And we probably ought to convince DH to come, too.

If OP hadn't posted about their food intake someone would have clutched pearls and begged to know what of the poor child's nutrition. There's always some outrage digging when someone does something a bit different. I wish I could have done stuff like this with my kid.

Sorry OP i do agree with others about maybe getting a hotel now, a warm shower and a cosy bed might really help, maybe she's not slept as well as you might realise in the tent. Also some comfort/treat food.

Completely. Always despised theme parks, as a child and now. Not everyone is cut out for them.

Blanked by Scar 😆😆😆 always knew he was a walking red flag

Not unusual. We used to go on 6 week holidays every 3 years (DH and I could only coordinate annual leave together roughly 3 yearly so that’s why we then took opportunity to maximise that time away). It was a chore for the younger kids, okay for kids in middle age ranges and a chore for older kids as teens who didn’t want to be away from friends for that long. So we either had younger ones whinging and older ones okay, which then transitioned to younger ones being an age where it was okay with older ones being teens who wanted to be home. Always someone whinging😁. Just ignore them.

I agree. The answer isn’t Disney. Not every kid wants to go or loves it and frankly it is mega overpriced, long lines, long days and very tiring.

I think people have this ‘dream’ abiut Disney which isn’t warranted (and yes I have been to three as a kid so I know).

Should have added we did a couple of work stints for me that were around 6 months each. Even though we had packs provided from their home schools, the kids also went to local schools for each place I was stationed (generally anywhere from a couple of weeks to months before moving g to the next). We didn’t tend to get the same whinging with this as school/schoolwork seemed to give them a ‘structure’ and some kind of routine unlike holidays where we each day was a different day.

Maybe she needs some seats to kick

You’re going home soon. I definitely wouldn’t be paying to go earlier. You’ve done an amazing trip so I definitely don’t think you’re a shit parent. Just reassure her, do a countdown with her etc.

How fun for a child are you making it? My kids love holidays and travelling but because they bring special ‘not everyday’ things. Like ice creams, the beach, late bedtimes, fun days out. I’m not sure 10 days of walking through nature (which while stunning is likely all the same to a 3 yr old after a couple days) is particularly fun for a kid?

That said I also don’t think her asking to go home means she hasn’t enjoyed it, she’s obviously missing home but that doesn’t mean there aren’t parts she’s enjoyed.

That was my thought too. I loved camping as a kid - climbing trees, cooking stuff over a fire, sleeping basically outdoors. Of course, not all kids are the same and I totally get why some don't enjoy that, but I do think screens (and Disney!) have created this sanitised version of childhood where kids just like what's heavily marketed to them, and are little consumers at very tender ages!

She’s only 4 and doesn’t really have a concept of time.

Try doing something to help her visualise it, like putting something in a bag for each night/day you have left, and get her to pick it out each morning or evening - whichever works best for you. She’ll see the bag getting emptier each day and it will just help her to understand.

You could put anything in - a little treat, a postcard and send one off each day to a family member/pet, a little message saying what you are going to do when you get home etc etc.

I don't think anyone thinks the op is a shit parent.
She's tried really hard with this trip. But LO isn't enjoying it.

And that’s fine - you don’t have to like it - but it’s worth at least giving it a shot rather than coming home early!

It's good that you have water available at all times. Wouldn't want her to get dehydrated.

I think you should just fly home. Give in to what she wants and whilst you're on the flight home, remember to allow her to kick the seat on front of her.

HTH.

We don’t know the “answer isn’t Disney” because they haven’t even tried it 🫣

What 4 yr old cares about NYC or Canada? Let’s face it, it’s the parent who wants to do these things. They won’t remember it.

I think it’s selfish dragging these young kids to long haul places - it doesn’t benefit them whatsoever.

The trip sounds amazing. It also sounds exhausting for an adult let alone a 3 year old.

With the greatest respect OP, It doesn’t sound like a very child orientated trip, I’m not surprised she is fed up.

I wouldn't fly home early I'd try to refocus the last few days.

OP said she feels like a shit parent, which is where people picked it up I think?

OP, my son is 19m old, and I've already had to learn that you can't make your child's life perfect. You can plan a great day, prepare for their every comfort, lovingly cook a meal - but they're their own person, without a great grasp of time or needs or much of a concept of the effort put in or the fact that now's a really bad day for them to be clingy and to hate the zoo you took them too and to not fancy that lovingly made dinner.

You've tried really hard, but it's not about the fact you've tried hard. Please don't take offence, and just remember she's a little girl very very far from home.

You're not shit because you tried. The people who don't try at all are the shit ones.

This sounds very grown-up and more akin to a wilderness camp than a holiday. Most kids think "holiday" and think the seaside with plastic buckets and spades, bright blue chlorinated pools full of inflatable animals, eating ice-cream instead of dinner, and staying up past bedtime dancing to Agadoo, not hiking in the mountains, washing with baby wipes and having lots of fresh water.

I'm sure it has been very healthy and good for her to experience the countryside and so on. In fact, I sometimes consider doing it to my kids but more as a punishment for being entitled and not doing enough exercise. I think expecting her to be enjoying it was a bit optimistic. The reason why I would never actually do it is because I'd hate it too.

I loved camping too, but what I loved was a campsite full of other kids, late night entertainment, my brother and I being allowed to go to the onsite shop to buy bread and milk by ourselves, day trips to kid-oriented places like farms and theme parks etc.

Not hiking through mountains in a backpack.

@faerietales The op must know about Disney! My DC never went and we had no intention of taking them. It meant nothing to them and this 3 year old is too young for many rides anyway. We don’t all feed dc a diet of American Disney. Given all the wonderful other things you can see and do in California going to Disney like a lemming is utterly unimaginative for a 3 year old.

I also cannot imagine a 3 year old being carried in a back pack for day after day of hikes! What do they get out of that? Too young for a biology and geography lesson!

@TizerorFizz well or course she knows about Disney - my point is she doesn’t know if her 3yo will enjoy it more than what they’re already doing as she’s not given it a go yet - so rather than go home early, why not try Disney instead? If it doesn’t work they don’t have to go back.