DD keeps asking to go home whilst on holiday

[FairPlayer274]

I suppose I already know I’m BU, but I guess I just wanted to talk about it…

I took DD, who turns 4 next month, on a 10 day trip to California to visit my long-lost grandmother/her great grandmother (with whom I immediately felt comfortable, and with whom DD immediately fell in love), and then to go hiking/camping in the mountains of Sequoia, Kings Canyon, and Yosemite National Parks.

We’ve been swimming where there’s been opportunity, even though the water’s been pretty cold (though DD didn’t want to get out any time we went in. That child loves to swim!) In between, we also stopped in Fresno to tour the underground gardens and visit the zoo (where she got to feed the giraffes and pet some sting rays!), and tomorrow, as we make our way back to Los Angeles for our flight home, I plan on stopping to do an alpine rail coaster thing, and have dinner with GM again.

We’ve been sleeping in a pretty spacious tent on a blow-up mattress, with a sleeping bag rated for -6C/20F weather, with layers and layers of clothing on when it’s been cold at night (it got down to 1C/34F at one point, but I still felt comfortable, and DD wasn’t complaining of cold so I figure she was comfortable as well). I’ve carried her in her special backpack for most of the hiking, as she hasn’t wanted to walk much. I think we’ve been eating pretty decently too, with fruits, veggies, protein, carbs, and healthy fats at every meal, and many of the foods DD usually eats at home (though we’ve only had cooked foods when visiting GM and once at a restaurant after a long hike) and fresh water on hand at all time.

Hygiene could probably be a bit better; we haven’t showered at every opportunity because it’s a huge hassle and there hasn’t been hot water everywhere, but we’ve showered a few times and baby wiped with camping soap and shampoo every night we didn’t shower. Got to do laundry this morning, right as we ran out of clean clothing, too. We’ve had sunscreen and bug spray and such, and toys and books and crayons for the car and flights.

And we’ve called our family members any time we’ve had cell service… but I think she still misses everyone back home, including our dogs. (She talks about the dogs to strangers at every opportunity, and there’s been a lot of dogs to pet.) She started asking to go home on day 6, and has been getting more insistent (well, now, demanding/crying) that we go home. We have a whole list of things we’re going to do when we get back: ride bikes, make ice pops, go to the pool, take a bath, watch TV, hug Daddy, go to school, etc.

I’m sure the upset of her usual routine and the sudden withdrawal from screens has been hard on her, but I thought I was doing a good thing by getting her outside to see all the beauty of the natural world, and I worked really hard to make sure we were comfortable the whole time. I thought we were having fun and spending time together, like we did on our 10 day hiking trip that we took when she was 2 1/2 yo… but I guess maybe this time it’s different. I’m feeling a bit like a shit parent over it, and for having her stick it out to the end instead of eating the cost of our reservations and flying home early.

I guess maybe shorter trips, in the future? And we probably ought to convince DH to come, too.

Just wait until you get home and then they'll ask when they're going back to camping again.

Maybe so but we are all different, my memories mainly start from age 4. Age 3 is hazy. Just a few random scenes here and there. That’s not unusual.

It’s great you have lots of memories from age 2 or 3, but your daughter might not be the same as you in that respect. Indeed she may not be the same as you regarding her travel preferences and it could be that camping/hiking for the length of time you’ve planned is not her thing. At least not now.

As you can see from this thread a lot of adults would found this too much at whatever age. And as adventurous as I think it sounds - if you’re into that kind of thing - I think for most 3/4 year olds it’s too much.

It doesn't matter if she'll remember it or not. You don't want her to associate holidays with being miserable.

Try and do something that's 100% for her for the end of the holiday.

Mine were always a bit like this after about a week but when they got back home they always reminisced about how much they loved it.

I never had any expectations from mine when they came away, beyond behaviour. If they loved something, that was great. If they felt fed up and homesick, that was understandable. I also think young children generally enjoy low key things more than the big stuff. Mine would enjoy sitting on a bench chatting with me and watching the pigeons much more than visiting the Grand Canyon. I remember the first time I genuinely appreciated a view and it wasn’t until I was 16/17yrs old.

Amazing trip! Sound like something that you should do again when she's a bit older. 3 is still very tiny but not as portable as 2 as they don't worry about much at that age!

I think the first issue is her dad isn't there so 'home' isn't with her. My two love to travel but I think they'd be less comfortable without both of us.

Secondly, time isn't the same for children that age, they don't know how long a week/month is, it feels like it could be forever until she goes home. Something visual like a countdown calendar might help. So she can check when she feels uncertain.

She may just be a home bird, some kids are! Perhaps next time stay with your grandmother the whole time. Your dd might enjoy the familiarity of staying in one place and benefit from forming a stronger bond with her.

Honestly, are you doing this holiday for you or for her? It sounds a bit full on for a 3yo. A lot of things that would be nice on their own as a once off, but I can imagine she’s missing her dad, her routine etc It doesn’t sound like you planned this for her. You tried to make a holiday that you wanted to take as doable as possible for her. Maybe something to think about.

You tried to make a holiday that you wanted to take as doable as possible for her.
Which is an entirely reasonable way to plan a holiday. That sums up our attitude to all our holiday considerations.

My DD has wonderful memories of a trip we did when she had just gone three. It’s not what you or I might remember (think ice cream not scenery) but she does remember it.

But those are all negative things. I only remember negative things from around the age of 4 too. I guess those things tend to have much more of a lasting effect.

I doubt she'll remember it OP and unfortunately if she does it probably won't be because it was so great or beautiful.

This isn't a trip for a young child IMO, but I'd love to have gone - minus the camping in freezing temperatures.

It’s much less expensive to camp (about £0-45 per night instead of £75-150 for lower quality hotels/Air BnBs), which is mostly what made the trip affordable for us. We visited the beach and stayed with my GM the first night, and we’ll stay in a hotel near the airport tonight… I made sure we weren’t cold (other than when we were swimming, but that couldn’t really be helped.) The campgrounds were really nice; they had stunning views, wildlife, playgrounds, picnic tables, bodies of water, and/or other kids with whom to play. It also just makes you appreciate your normal comforts when you rough it for a while, you know?

I feel like the whole trip was mostly play, whether that looked like digging in the sand, swimming, chucking rocks into a river/off a mountainside, climbing over logs and boulders, singing and word games while we hiked, searching for animals, imaginative play in the tent, time at playgrounds, etc.

I usually let her watch TV or use her tablet during lunch, in the car, with DH, or if I’m doing a chore she in which she can’t participate

I go away periodically for work, and if it’s longer than a few days, she usually goes to stay with her grandmother(s)… I’m sure she misses DH then, too, though

I thought the underground gardens were really cool (though that part was definitely for me and not DD; all that she enjoyed of it was dragging our tour guide [bless her patient soul] to look at all the pill bugs on the planters ) and the zoo was clean and doable in a few hours. The animals were all out for us to see and visit with.

We didn’t do anything else there, though. Just passed through on our way north

Okay, I’m gonna have a spoiled first worlder moment here, but… I’m absolutely sick of Disney. DH and MIL are Disney adults and have dragged me there nearly every year. It’s gotten quite old, and the lines and crowds are awful!

Yeah, that sounds accurate

During the days, it ranged from around 48-80F/8-27C, depending on our altitude, and 34-56F/1-16C at night. Like I said, we layered up and changed clothes as needed, and also had the air mattress to keep us off the ground (which will take a lot of your body heat if you sleep on it), our tent (which has screened windows with tarps that can be put up or down for temp regulation) to help retain heat or provide shade, the sleeping bag, and some lighter blankets as well. We also dipped our clothing in the river/springs during the hottest hours of the day in order to keep cool.

GM lives in southern CA, closer to Los Angeles. The parks are hours’ drives away. The way we did it, we would drive an hour or two in the morning, do an activity or spend time in the parks, and then drive another hour or two in the evening before camping out. That way, it didn’t feel like we were in the car for forever at a time, and DD got to nap a bit.

Though it has been a lot

Thanks :)

I carried DD, the hiking back pack, at least 4L of water, food, plastic bowls and spoons, a med kit, a knife, sunscreen, bag spray, clothing, and bear mace on the hikes. It was probably about 60lbs on average, with DD aboard. We rented a car, and so we left the rest of the supplies in it when not in use.

I’m in the military, so I have at least a little experience with rucking and roughing it.

Sounds like a wonderful holiday but exhausting for a young child.
My DS with high functioning autism doesn’t get attached to material items and therefore would stay on holiday forever and not think much about home.
My youngest son misses homes within hours of leaving it. Even on a day out in the UK. He wants to be at or near home where all things familiar are. At weekends he asked for a day “just staying at home and relaxing” he loves his things (toys, gaming, pets, free access to the fridge. He takes his favourite toys/games/cuddly with him. Older one always refused (in case he lost them).
So older DC likes to stay out for as long and late as possible and the youngest enjoys a couple of hours out and then home (even if “home” is a holiday hotel /house/cabin. For this reason me and DH often do seperate mini trips with them. A trip with youngest involved lots of relaxation , with oldest it will be action packed.
OP, as your LO grows, you will see more and more of her character and preferences. It took us a long time to admit defeat and stop expecting both children to enjoy our idea of a nice day our/holiday.

She is a very affectionate child, and gets attached quite quickly. She cried for half an hour after we departed from GM’s house. Today I told her we are going back to visit again and she literally jumped for joy and then tackled me with a hug, she was so excited.

Not the point of the thread but wow hats off to you doing this in your own with a 4 year old! I’d be nervous attempting all that on my own let alone with a toddler in tow. Amazing!

Same!

I think you’re absolutely mad for doing it but I’m kind of in awe of you too…!

It's tough when you plan a special time and your little one spends most of it wanting to be home. Mine were similar at that age (and now too really). Take solace in the fact that you have provided your little one with a safe and happy home that she is now missing, your doing a grand job

I'm not sure that's true. I also remember my mum getting me the shiny red shoes with thr heel I wanted, being cast as the narrator for a nativity play and as the Angel Gabriel another time. I remember my go-kart and going to the paddling pool. I remember falling asleep on a rock in the son and my nans cooking/the walk from the station and walking around the church my grandad was a care taken for.

Again, not in order exactly but I was pretty young and these are positive memories for me.

@FairPlayer274 My DDs are adults now but one said to me only recently that they could not join in with a Disney conversation friends were having as they had never watched Disney tv or the films. I did correct them in that they liked The Jungle Book and Mary Poppins! However I’m largely with you on Disney. Mine never asked to go and I kept everything Disney firmly under my control. It’s a culture we’ve adopted but we don’t have to. DDs were not really bothered about Disney deprivation and were not going to make up for lost Disney any time soon.

What is rock pooling?

I guess I had it in my head that I could “inspire” a love of the outdoors in her by taking her with me on adventures. But, the quote from A Thousand Splendid Suns comes to mind: “Children aren’t colouring books; Children aren't colouring books. You don't get to fill them with your favourite colours.” But maybe there is still a chance when she is older… Apparently my paternal half of my family are all outdoorsy types.

I am particularly cold sensitive, and I didn’t immediately want to run out of the water when we swam. I thought it felt refreshing. I practically dragged DD out when she got to shivering though. Also, the temps weren’t “sub zero” by either temperature units (though not sure about Kelvin?). DH couldn’t come because he had to work, and camping isn’t really his thing. He also has pretty bad seasonal allergies so he doesn’t really go outdoors much in the spring,