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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DD keeps asking to go home whilst on holiday

225 replies

FairPlayer274 · 20/05/2025 05:49

I suppose I already know I’m BU, but I guess I just wanted to talk about it…

I took DD, who turns 4 next month, on a 10 day trip to California to visit my long-lost grandmother/her great grandmother (with whom I immediately felt comfortable, and with whom DD immediately fell in love), and then to go hiking/camping in the mountains of Sequoia, Kings Canyon, and Yosemite National Parks.

We’ve been swimming where there’s been opportunity, even though the water’s been pretty cold (though DD didn’t want to get out any time we went in. That child loves to swim!) In between, we also stopped in Fresno to tour the underground gardens and visit the zoo (where she got to feed the giraffes and pet some sting rays!), and tomorrow, as we make our way back to Los Angeles for our flight home, I plan on stopping to do an alpine rail coaster thing, and have dinner with GM again.

We’ve been sleeping in a pretty spacious tent on a blow-up mattress, with a sleeping bag rated for -6C/20F weather, with layers and layers of clothing on when it’s been cold at night (it got down to 1C/34F at one point, but I still felt comfortable, and DD wasn’t complaining of cold so I figure she was comfortable as well). I’ve carried her in her special backpack for most of the hiking, as she hasn’t wanted to walk much. I think we’ve been eating pretty decently too, with fruits, veggies, protein, carbs, and healthy fats at every meal, and many of the foods DD usually eats at home (though we’ve only had cooked foods when visiting GM and once at a restaurant after a long hike) and fresh water on hand at all time.

Hygiene could probably be a bit better; we haven’t showered at every opportunity because it’s a huge hassle and there hasn’t been hot water everywhere, but we’ve showered a few times and baby wiped with camping soap and shampoo every night we didn’t shower. Got to do laundry this morning, right as we ran out of clean clothing, too. We’ve had sunscreen and bug spray and such, and toys and books and crayons for the car and flights.

And we’ve called our family members any time we’ve had cell service… but I think she still misses everyone back home, including our dogs. (She talks about the dogs to strangers at every opportunity, and there’s been a lot of dogs to pet.) She started asking to go home on day 6, and has been getting more insistent (well, now, demanding/crying) that we go home. We have a whole list of things we’re going to do when we get back: ride bikes, make ice pops, go to the pool, take a bath, watch TV, hug Daddy, go to school, etc.

I’m sure the upset of her usual routine and the sudden withdrawal from screens has been hard on her, but I thought I was doing a good thing by getting her outside to see all the beauty of the natural world, and I worked really hard to make sure we were comfortable the whole time. I thought we were having fun and spending time together, like we did on our 10 day hiking trip that we took when she was 2 1/2 yo… but I guess maybe this time it’s different. I’m feeling a bit like a shit parent over it, and for having her stick it out to the end instead of eating the cost of our reservations and flying home early.

I guess maybe shorter trips, in the future? And we probably ought to convince DH to come, too.

OP posts:
CrazyGoatLady · 20/05/2025 08:31

Aww, I feel for both of you. It sounds like an amazing adventure for you and she's enjoyed some of it - but probably a bit too much for her at age 4. Perhaps just a couple of nights camping/hiking and a few nights in more comfortable settings would have been a compromise, or breaking up the camping with nights in motels so you could have a decent wash, a warm bed and a hot meal or two. Or maybe next time if you can hire a camper van, that might offer a bit more feeling of homeliness and warmth/comforts?

OH and I like nothing more than being out in the great outdoors, but our kiddos when they were little couldn't cope with much outside of their familiar routines, so holidays had to be much more geared towards their needs than ours until they were older. These things are always lessons learned aren't they!

Stripeyanddotty · 20/05/2025 08:31

She’s not even 4. Why would ‘sudden withdrawal from screens’ be an issue?

Notimeforaname · 20/05/2025 08:33

It's fine. She'll be fine. Just carry on as normal.

TizerorFizz · 20/05/2025 08:42

@Gloriia They are in the mountains! It’s just above freezing at night! It’s not boiling hot where they are.

This type of holiday is over ambitious and should have included more fun for dd. Camp for a week then a hotel with a pool. Don’t spend money on flights. Spend on a hotel.

TheNinkyNonkyIsATardis · 20/05/2025 08:49

TeenToTwenties · 20/05/2025 06:05

She's 4.
10 days away from home , doing something very different, without her Dad, I'm not surprised she's a bit homesick.

This! She could be on a magical cloud eating chocolate and riding unicorns and she'd still miss her daddy and her dogs!

We had my 4yo nephew over to stay one night to go to Cadbury World, and when we asked him if he wanted to see Santa Claus at the end or to go back home to his baby brother, he chose the latter!

You're overthinking it with the sleeping bags, the temp etc. Kids might get a buzz from meeting a stranger, but they certainly don't love them - not even as much as their dogs.

pinkdelight · 20/05/2025 08:50

I think we’ve been eating pretty decently too, with fruits, veggies, protein, carbs, and healthy fats at every meal

Such an odd level of detail to get into. I doubt the nutritional balance of your camping cuisine is a relevant factor any more than if you'd been to Taco Bell every day. She's a long way from home and misses her dad and her dogs. The carb/protein balance isn't going to be much comfort. Stick it out for this time I guess but don't take her so far for so long again with just the two of you while she's little.

Mummen · 20/05/2025 08:53

We have a few 2 week trips away from home every year because both sets of grandparents are overseas. My now almost 4yo always gets to about day 6 before declaring he wants to go home. It doesn't matter if we're in grandparents house, nice hotel, with family or other children he just likes to get back to his own home comforts.

redcord · 20/05/2025 09:00

Ha ha, my 3 year old was similar. But earlier. On the plane an hour out of Heathrow on the way to the States, he scooped up all his cuddlies, slid off his seat and marched down the aisle. 'Right. I go home now,' he said by way of goodbye.

TizerorFizz · 20/05/2025 09:07

We went away from home for 2-3 weeks when dc were this age. Wasn’t too long for them but we didn’t yomp through forests every day after a cold night with no hot food. They swam, played, went to markets, attended concerts/entertainment for families, went to castles, went rock pooling, and, importantly, played with other dc. We centred the holiday around them but also went to local restaurants and ensured the holidays had variety. We rented a static caravan for a few years or an appartment with a pool on site. Dc never once asked to go home. Long haul holidays from 5.

rainbowstardrops · 20/05/2025 09:09

Each to their own and all that but I wouldn’t enjoy that holiday! The kid is probably bored and missing home! I expect she’d love to sit by a pool or go to a play park and dig in the sand.
I’d go back to grandmas and have a decent bloody meal and a nice bath/shower!

Calmdownpeople · 20/05/2025 09:10

Yeah I agree with others. This was a you holiday OP and you took your daughter thinking she would like what you liked.

Its a long flight and while people travel like that all the time it still is. Seeing mountains and nature doesn’t interest a child after the first day. Especially being carried around which was good for the distance but probably pretty boring.

I have to say I am quite surprised you are able to carry your daughter and all that camping stuff. And being out on your own ….yeah not something I would feel safe doing (and I’m not a worrier).

The water for swimming wouldn’t have been cold it would have been freezing.

Why would you want to holiday with a young child camping in sub zero temperatures by yourself in the US? And without your husband? I can see why she wants to come home.

Jobsworth7 · 20/05/2025 09:13

faerietales · 20/05/2025 07:35

Yes, this. Ten days camping in 1 degree weather with a toddler sounds utterly grim - why not book a cheap hotel? If you can afford to change your flights to come home early, you could have paid for decent accommodation. It’s not like there’s any shortage of it in America 😬

Agreed! I hate camping. I've hated it since I was tiny and would rather do one night away in a hotel than 7 in a tent.

LittleMonks11 · 20/05/2025 09:15

redcord · 20/05/2025 09:00

Ha ha, my 3 year old was similar. But earlier. On the plane an hour out of Heathrow on the way to the States, he scooped up all his cuddlies, slid off his seat and marched down the aisle. 'Right. I go home now,' he said by way of goodbye.

😂 love him

Conkerjar · 20/05/2025 09:19

You've both done incredibly well. And the lovely thing is she's old enough to remember things from this trip now, too! I wouldn't have coped doing this kind of trip with a 4yo but travelling is often just a constant low level stressor for me. I find solo trips slightly easier but I've got one of those annoying brains that needs things solving immediately and doesn't like unknowns, so having a child full stop has tested my limits in this area. I've missed weddings abroad because I knew my child wouldn't have coped and I wouldn't have coped with him not coping. Yes, there's ND dust rattling around in us. I've pushed myself a lot, and am a big believer in not letting it rule my life, because I know the window of comfort shrinks if you don't bully its edges a bit. Anyway... You should both be incredibly proud of yourselves. I think you should tell her so, too. It might not land straight away but it will sink in.

Goditsmemargaret · 20/05/2025 09:20

Wow I'm in awe - supermum! She's very lucky.

I take my LO on holiday quite often just the two of us and she always talks about how great it was but forgets that there are mini meltdowns during the holiday too. I mean she's not deliriously happy at home all the time either and flip flops between me and her dad.

EdithBond · 20/05/2025 09:20

You sound like a great parent. Far from shit. Adventurous, confident and considerate.

10 days is OK for a 3 year old. She’s probably just a bit homesick and tired. But perhaps you haven’t had enough rest days?

When you get home she’ll probably ask to go back.

BakPain · 20/05/2025 09:21

pinkdelight · 20/05/2025 08:50

I think we’ve been eating pretty decently too, with fruits, veggies, protein, carbs, and healthy fats at every meal

Such an odd level of detail to get into. I doubt the nutritional balance of your camping cuisine is a relevant factor any more than if you'd been to Taco Bell every day. She's a long way from home and misses her dad and her dogs. The carb/protein balance isn't going to be much comfort. Stick it out for this time I guess but don't take her so far for so long again with just the two of you while she's little.

Yeah imagine OPs daughter in 20 years from now recounting the hellish camping trip that her mother dragged her on when she was 4?

“year it was 1c at night, we were stuck in a tent, traipsing around all day, dirty, tired and I was bored stiff and missing my dad and a proper bed … to be fair though our nutritional macros were spot on” 😂

ERthree · 20/05/2025 09:24

No wonder the poor child wants to come home. She is tired, she is being dragged from pillar to post, missing her space and her people. But i suppose she should be grateful for big adventures, lovely healthy meals and a Mum that is living her best life.

WonderingWanda · 20/05/2025 09:25

It sounds like a nice holiday for you and you're not a bad parent for taking her but as others have said, she won't appreciate the views and at 4 will have little concept of time so it may feel like a very long time being in a backpack doing very little. She's probably a bit bored and so thinking about more familiar things. Maybe cut the hiking short early and head back to somewhere with a more normal routine.

363838dhdi · 20/05/2025 09:29

You're not a shit parent, at all. It's totally normal for little kids tk miss their routine and the things they know. It doesn't mean she's being harmed, and she will still be benefitting a lot from all of these new experiences and relationships. She's also building up her resilience and tolerance to new situations, supported by you - one of the people she feels safest with.

Keep up with supporting her as you have been. You're doing a good job. She'll be fine and come through it all stronger, happier, more confident and more resilient.

363838dhdi · 20/05/2025 09:32

There are a lot of absolute bitches responding to this post 🫠

FuckityFux · 20/05/2025 09:38

Ugh, I’m with your daughter and would also want to go home. I hate camping and in the freezing cold too??

She’s 4 and she’s unlikely to remember much of this holiday when she’s older other than being uncomfortable.

This is all about what you want from a holiday so maybe leave her with her dad next time and only do the things you like doing instead?

Tinyrabbit · 20/05/2025 09:38

You might at least make sure that your daughter has one cooked meal every day. Children are not tiny adults - they have different calorific/food needs and cold food in a climate with very cold nights probably makes her feel really tired. She's also being hugely physically challenged - she's only four. That you couldn't empathise with her frailty is a bit worrying.

DappledThings · 20/05/2025 09:40

This is all about what you want from a holiday so maybe leave her with her dad next time and only do the things you like doing instead
Or better still keep pushing her a little bit but maybe just not so far. There's nothing wrong with trying to be a bit adventurous with children and it not being a complete success doesn't mean it was the wrong call to begin with or that you just shouldn't bother again.

amooseymoomum · 20/05/2025 09:45

when they are that age routine is important to them. she is missing her daddy and her doggies, its a long time in a little ones life. A day to us is probably like a month to them.
if that is the first time she has met relatives obviously she has no connection to them
I would say if you can do a video call to daddy and doggies or at least a phone call.
stick it out you have not long to go
I bet in years to come she will be boasting about this amazing trip
whatever you do try to get some things for daddy as poor daddy was unable to come on this amazing trip so you can share things with him. take lots of photos for daddy too

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