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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you be annoyed if a relative bought a house 3 doors down from you without telling you?

303 replies

Housequery1 · 19/05/2025 21:59

That’s it really, you bought anew house and a few months later a relative buys a house a few doors down, without saying a word. Would you be annoyed? Or would it even bother you?

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thetrumanshow · 19/05/2025 22:51

Housequery1 · 19/05/2025 22:09

It’s not due to desire it’s literally due to lack of nice housing to be fair. At what point would you rather be told would you rather be told before they put an offer in house or after?

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I am not sure I would be that bothered about the moving in, but not being told when you are putting an offer is very weird. The secrecy would piss me off more than anything

Delphiniumandlupins · 19/05/2025 22:51

I would message her, saying you are looking at houses on the estate. Don't need to say you have put an offer in. If she presses for more info just say you don't want to jinx it until everything is signed.

Anxioustealady · 19/05/2025 22:51

As much as you want the house, what if your relative is really unhappy and uncomfortable with you living so close? Do you not care?

Original poster
Housequery1 · 19/05/2025 22:52

healthybychristmas · 19/05/2025 22:47

The thing is that the only person who would do that without telling you about it would be someone with no social graces whatsoever.

why would you assume I have no social graces? That’s an interesting assumption, especially since you don’t know me at all.

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Cheeringmeup · 19/05/2025 22:54

This happened to us about 20 years ago. We moved to a really nice new estate, lovely detached house, all great. 5 months later my in-laws announced they'd bought a house about 25 metres away. The way the houses were positioned, we couldn't see their house from ours without going out on the front drive, but they could see the front of our house from their kitchen window and back door. I liked them fine, but I felt so "watched" we moved away after a year, it was so claustrophobic.
Having said all that, it doesn't sound like you'll be like that, so I was probably just offloading 😂

Original poster
Housequery1 · 19/05/2025 22:54

Anxioustealady · 19/05/2025 22:51

As much as you want the house, what if your relative is really unhappy and uncomfortable with you living so close? Do you not care?

To be honest, if you’re living in a housing estate, you’re gonna be surrounded by lots of people. Relatives or not, we all take that risk when we opt to live in a suburban area. I mean, I’m not gonna be in her face. I literally get up in the morning get my kids in the car bring them to school. Come home in the evening make my dinner sit down and watch TV, go for a walk, etc she’ll probably barely see me. 🤣

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Original poster
Housequery1 · 19/05/2025 22:55

Delphiniumandlupins · 19/05/2025 22:51

I would message her, saying you are looking at houses on the estate. Don't need to say you have put an offer in. If she presses for more info just say you don't want to jinx it until everything is signed.

Yeah I might, i’m just wary of the whole extended family knowing my business to be honest.

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Original poster
Housequery1 · 19/05/2025 22:57

Marble10 · 19/05/2025 22:49

If you haven’t seen them since you’ve been going through the purchase then I understand you not telling them, it’s not something I’d go out of my way to do if not close. However at the next family event I would mention you are buying on X estate where they live, and keep it brief, no expectation of them or you. And carry on life as normal

I have definitely not seen them since we started the purchase. And I probably won’t see them until it’s completed or in around that time. I could just turn up with some flowers and say hello neighbour. 🤣😅 joke… I’ll probably tell her once the mortgage gets approved

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Original poster
Housequery1 · 19/05/2025 22:58

thank you everyone for your opinions and stories. I will wait until my mortgage offer has been accepted/approved and I’ll tell her then.

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IhadaStripeyDeckchair · 19/05/2025 23:03

Depends who & what their expectations woukd be of our relation now we were also neighbours.

But generally I like to keep my private life private so I'd be pretty pissed off & take a big step back from any relationship with them.

thetrumanshow · 19/05/2025 23:03

Housequery1 · 19/05/2025 22:55

Yeah I might, i’m just wary of the whole extended family knowing my business to be honest.

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if you live 3 doors from each other, you realise your extended family will know.

Tbrh · 19/05/2025 23:05

FuglyBitch · 19/05/2025 22:03

I’d love it

Me too! I think the only reason I wouldn't like it if they could see my house from theirs, so what I'm doing, who's coming and going etc. And if they just popped around unannounced. But otherwise, assuming I liked the person, I would love it

Original poster
Housequery1 · 19/05/2025 23:07

thetrumanshow · 19/05/2025 23:03

if you live 3 doors from each other, you realise your extended family will know.

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I mean knowing that I’m in the process of buying, once I’ve bought I won’t mind. I’ll tell them all myself.

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Anxioustealady · 19/05/2025 23:07

Housequery1 · 19/05/2025 22:54

To be honest, if you’re living in a housing estate, you’re gonna be surrounded by lots of people. Relatives or not, we all take that risk when we opt to live in a suburban area. I mean, I’m not gonna be in her face. I literally get up in the morning get my kids in the car bring them to school. Come home in the evening make my dinner sit down and watch TV, go for a walk, etc she’ll probably barely see me. 🤣

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Yes but it's different when it's a relative.

If you're not bothered how they feel I don't know why you posted about it.

Original poster
Housequery1 · 19/05/2025 23:08

IhadaStripeyDeckchair · 19/05/2025 23:03

Depends who & what their expectations woukd be of our relation now we were also neighbours.

But generally I like to keep my private life private so I'd be pretty pissed off & take a big step back from any relationship with them.

I would have no expectations whatsoever of her and our relationship. It is what it is. We both have our own children on our own lives to get on with. Our DC go to complete different schools, do completely different activities etc. We won’t be living in each other’s pockets.

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Original poster
Housequery1 · 19/05/2025 23:09

Anxioustealady · 19/05/2025 23:07

Yes but it's different when it's a relative.

If you're not bothered how they feel I don't know why you posted about it.

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I’m asking because I wouldn’t really be bothered to be honest, but I had a fleeting thought, that maybe she could be bothered so I thought I’d ask and see what the general consensus is

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BarbieKew · 19/05/2025 23:11

I love all my family very much, about once every six weeks for a few hours. Having them next door and constantly calling in would be a total nightmare, so yes, I’d be a bit annoyed.

CalleOcho · 19/05/2025 23:11

Would you be annoyed if a relative bought a house 3 doors down from you without telling you?

My brother - hell no! We’re besties. I wish we still lived under the same roof.

Uncle knobhead - absolutely. I’d egg the house, post mackerel through the letterbox and then would put my house on the market immediately.

Original poster
Housequery1 · 19/05/2025 23:13

BarbieKew · 19/05/2025 23:11

I love all my family very much, about once every six weeks for a few hours. Having them next door and constantly calling in would be a total nightmare, so yes, I’d be a bit annoyed.

No one will be constantly calling in…

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Original poster
Housequery1 · 19/05/2025 23:14

CalleOcho · 19/05/2025 23:11

Would you be annoyed if a relative bought a house 3 doors down from you without telling you?

My brother - hell no! We’re besties. I wish we still lived under the same roof.

Uncle knobhead - absolutely. I’d egg the house, post mackerel through the letterbox and then would put my house on the market immediately.

This made me laugh 🤣 mackerel!!

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chipsnmayo · 19/05/2025 23:15

If it was my cousin who I only see every 10 years I wouldn't care as it would make no difference to my life, but if it was my brother's (who I adore) it would weird me out a bit as I do like some distance.

Original poster
Housequery1 · 19/05/2025 23:20

chipsnmayo · 19/05/2025 23:15

If it was my cousin who I only see every 10 years I wouldn't care as it would make no difference to my life, but if it was my brother's (who I adore) it would weird me out a bit as I do like some distance.

More like a cousin you see 4-5 times a year, sometimes more depending on family celebrations

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thetrumanshow · 19/05/2025 23:21

I can't know if your relative is nosey, but if they can see your new house, of course you extended family could know a lot just because someone is looking from their windows.

thetrumanshow · 19/05/2025 23:22

Housequery1 · 19/05/2025 23:20

More like a cousin you see 4-5 times a year, sometimes more depending on family celebrations

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I wouldn't wait until my removal van turns up, that's for sure.

Knowing that it's usually only a week between exchange and completion, I would tell them when the offer is accepted.

Original poster
Housequery1 · 19/05/2025 23:25

thetrumanshow · 19/05/2025 23:22

I wouldn't wait until my removal van turns up, that's for sure.

Knowing that it's usually only a week between exchange and completion, I would tell them when the offer is accepted.

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Yeah I will have to time a few things so it works out. Once mortgage is offered then they will need to finish a few bits in the house and do a snag list and then have the bank value it. Also need to time that with my handing in my tenancy notice where I am now. So it could be another month and a bit.

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