AIBU to feel weird about my exDH and my best friend?

[GooglePenguinBollardsIDareYou]

I left the family home a couple of months ago. We’re doing 50/50 with the kids while trying to sort out divorce plans, housing, and all the usual mess. My exDH doesn’t want to separate and keeps trying to convince me to come back. I’ve been clear I’m done.

My best friend of over 20 years has been pretty quiet through all this. She did offer for me to come stay at different points, but hasn’t really engaged as much as normal over the past few months. Last week I started opening more chat and sharing more and she responded more. We’ve been trying to find a time to meet, but it hasn’t worked out yet.

Then she messaged to say she’s been talking to exDH and they were planning to meet up for a drink. She told me the day before. I said I felt uncomfortable, not demanding she cancel, just said I felt weird that she and I hadn’t even managed to meet yet. She ended up cancelling the drink with him.
He got annoyed at me, saying he “just wanted to talk to another adult” and that it wasn’t about our situation, just general chat and support. I got upset—not because I want to control anything, but because I miss my friend and hadn’t even managed to see her myself. I’m not stopping them being friends, I just wanted to see her first.

Then I found out they’ve been messaging each other a lot more than she’s been messaging me. And the next day, exDH messaged to say he’d sorted it out—she was going to come see me on Wednesday, and he would drive her 30+ minutes to my house, drop her off, then go home. All very thoughtful, apparently.
They both seem to think it was a lovely gesture. But I think it’s weird. He’s still not responded to basic questions about his living plans or the kids’ setup post-transition, but he’s somehow got time to coordinate my social life?
They were always a bit overly friendly, but I never felt off about it until now. Now I can’t tell if I’m being suspicious or finally seeing something that was always there.

AIBU to feel this crosses a line and is just…odd?

Sorry op but they want to bang. I'm not sure you can do anything about it though if they are both single. You could try explaining to your friend how you are worried they want to bang and see what she says. Her reaction should tell you everything you want to know.

Yanbu and I honestly believe she won't be your best friend for much longer. They will soon be dating. If they aren't already.

There is 100% something going on here with them. She is no friend to you if this is the way she’s behaving!

As usual the first post nails it!
They want to bang, she's not your friend.
a real friend would be bringing you wine, plotting exh downfall and giving you a hand hiding exh body!
Your side of the bed isn't even cold and she's wriggling in there.
I'd call her out but I'm an arsehole

I wouldn’t be surprised if they ended up having sex/together. Surely he has his own friends he should be contacting.

Drop her like a hot potato. They are romantically seeing each other or are planning to. Ex DH going out of his way to mention her and facilitate your relationship with her is suspicious AF.
She should be supporting YOU wholeheartedly if she is supposedly your best friend, not just a vague couple friend!
My stepmother was my DM best friend.

Your best friend of 20 years was "quiet" through this major life transitionbecause she was plotting how to get with your ex! You say they were always a bit overly friendlymy read on this is that she was pining for him all along and finally got her chance.

That's not a friend at all. Sorry, OP. Consider this a true fresh start in life, and that means new friends.

Oh gosh, this happened to me. I ended up saying I felt I needed to distance from her as she wanted to be involved in both of our lives. She made me feel terrible, how could I ever think she would do that, she sees him like a brother blah blah blah. Two weeks later I got an email from him to reveal they were sleeping together.

you’re absolutely right in how you feel, I’d keep my distance from her. If she was a real friend you wouldn’t be the one doing the chasing to get her support. Sorry this has happened, it’s horrible even though you know the relationship is over.

I’d be laying it out to your ‘best friend’ that she isn’t being very supportive, completely disloyal, and it is pretty obvious she’s pursuing something with your very recently soon to be ex husband.

I wouldn’t be entertaining the saga of him dropping her off to yours.

Give her one opportunity to see her blind stupidity and grovel for forgiveness, otherwise sack her off like you did your ex.

I feel terribly sorry for you, the level of betrayal from a close friend is very hard to deal with.

This happened with my DM and my DF except my fathers affair with her best friend of 25 years started a few weeks before they split.

Opps forgot to mention her husband. Married for 8 years.

Well your 'friend' isn't, is she? Also she's stupid because I'd bet anything your ex wants to shag her to get revenge on you.

I'd let them get on with it to be honest. Scuzzy pair.

I wouldn't immediately jump to the presumption they are/want to bang, but i would say it's pretty clear your so-called Best Friend has "picked sides" and it's not yours.
I'm sorry.

That is not on at all. She is no friend.

My friend and her husband got divorced. I was friends with both but she was my priority.
He'd message me with innocuous things. Replied likewise. He'd always mention a drink though. I just blanked that bit.
Then he messaged - when are we getting together for that drink then?
We're not.

Slimeball.

Thankfully, they're both happily married to other people now!

Sorry OP but it doesn't sound good

Your friend should be looking for ways to support you. Maybe she doesn't agree with what you've done, or how you've done it, but she should still be looking out for you before your ex. You should be able to rant to her without worrying that she might feedback to him.

My exDH doesn’t want to separate and keeps trying to convince me to come back. I’ve been clear I’m done.

My best friend of over 20 years has been pretty quiet through all this.

Then she messaged to say she’s been talking to exDH and they were planning to meet up for a drink. She ended up cancelling the drink with him.

Then I found out they’ve been messaging each other a lot more than she’s been messaging me

Opps forgot to mention her husband. Married for 8 years.

So why doesn’t he go out for a drink with her husband?

Bloody hell.

She is no friend of yours OP. Married or not, she's acting weird and I would expect her to be supporting you as her 'best' friend, not arranging to go out for drinks with your ex. I think she's behaving horribly.

What's her husband like?

Maybe she wouldn't mind you messaging her husband and arranging drinks with him? 😊

Does her husband know she’s been texting with him?

Does she know your husband wants to get back with you?

I’d be done with all of them.

She's no friend of yours that's for sure. Not matter what the outcome of their "drink" is - dump this friend.

A best friend is someone you can tell everything to, how could you trust her not go running to your Ex-husband.

People like her are treacherous. Her poor husband!

And obviously poor you :(

Well, with friends like this...
Whether they're together or not this isn't how a best friend behaves.
You need to distance yourself. Anything you tell her will go straight back to your exH.
Don't bother meeting her.
No need to go in with the accusations just drop her.
Do you have anyone else who can support you?
Fwiw my best mate and I have supported each other through divorce. At no point did either of us feel the need to be a shoulder to cry on for the other's ex.
Does your ex have no friends of his own?

She's married???? WTAF????

@giddyauntie123answering both. I think there are problems between the two of them which makes it seem worse too.