AIBU to feel weird about my exDH and my best friend?

[GooglePenguinBollardsIDareYou]

I left the family home a couple of months ago. We’re doing 50/50 with the kids while trying to sort out divorce plans, housing, and all the usual mess. My exDH doesn’t want to separate and keeps trying to convince me to come back. I’ve been clear I’m done.

My best friend of over 20 years has been pretty quiet through all this. She did offer for me to come stay at different points, but hasn’t really engaged as much as normal over the past few months. Last week I started opening more chat and sharing more and she responded more. We’ve been trying to find a time to meet, but it hasn’t worked out yet.

Then she messaged to say she’s been talking to exDH and they were planning to meet up for a drink. She told me the day before. I said I felt uncomfortable, not demanding she cancel, just said I felt weird that she and I hadn’t even managed to meet yet. She ended up cancelling the drink with him.
He got annoyed at me, saying he “just wanted to talk to another adult” and that it wasn’t about our situation, just general chat and support. I got upset—not because I want to control anything, but because I miss my friend and hadn’t even managed to see her myself. I’m not stopping them being friends, I just wanted to see her first.

Then I found out they’ve been messaging each other a lot more than she’s been messaging me. And the next day, exDH messaged to say he’d sorted it out—she was going to come see me on Wednesday, and he would drive her 30+ minutes to my house, drop her off, then go home. All very thoughtful, apparently.
They both seem to think it was a lovely gesture. But I think it’s weird. He’s still not responded to basic questions about his living plans or the kids’ setup post-transition, but he’s somehow got time to coordinate my social life?
They were always a bit overly friendly, but I never felt off about it until now. Now I can’t tell if I’m being suspicious or finally seeing something that was always there.

AIBU to feel this crosses a line and is just…odd?

For anyone following, I found out more.
At one point she offered her SIL as a solicitor - not even fully qualified but go ahead 😉
told him “that is so wrong of her, she should have stayed by you if you had health issues” when he said he had finally gone to the GP and they decided it was depression/vitamin deficiency (after years of pushing and trying to get them to take their own health seriously)
”I haven’t got anything back from her when I messaged” while I had sent her paragraphs of updates and messaged her each day/every other first.

She is very much not my friend. Multiple lies and two faced behaviour to side with exDH.

They will definitely be shagging soon unless he really wants you back.

He will be her shoulder in her bad marriage, she’s already doing the I’d be better than op.

Who need enemies when you have besties like that. She will have been eyeing him for a time.

Will be interesting to see how exdh plays it. Will he drop her or bonk her.

Ugh sorry OP she’s very nasty and he’s a loser.
how embarrassing for both of them.

Yeah I am waiting for the inevitable. It’s just so sad to lose such a (I thought) close friend in the middle of the stressful time.

How did you find this out?

He brought it up in various ways at a handover. And she didn’t deny when asked.

She picked a side and its not yours

Suspect exH just likes the attention and a woman on his side

That's so sad and disappointing.

But at least now you know. It would be worse if you were in ignorance or denial.

Focus on other friends 💐