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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Lend car to husband and walk to work for 2-3 weeks

188 replies

BritAirwaysgirl · 19/05/2025 17:17

Married for 15 years, our children are at uni, both work full-time and always have done. Completely separate finances and always have had. Husband would never share finances, accounts, etc. I pay the mortgage and food/household goods and husband pays the utilities, council tax, etc, which works out about equal. We each have a car individually financed by ourselves. We strictly stick to our individual respective cars. Husband's car is going to be in the garage for 2-3 weeks having major work done. He works 1 hour away so a 2 hour round trip and he uses his car for all his 5-6 appointments each day. I work 2 miles away, approx 40 minute walk each way. Husband is going to hire a car for work as he is contracted and does not get any paid leave. AIBU to not offer him to use my car for 2-3 weeks and I can walk to work each day? Or should he sort his own transport issues out as it is not my problem?

OP posts:
nats2010 · 19/05/2025 17:20

I'd let him paddle his own canoe.

Vaxtable · 19/05/2025 17:22

He sorts his own car out. Will the garage give him a courtesy car? Otherwise yes he hires a car

DeedlessIndeed · 19/05/2025 17:22

Has he asked to borrow the car, OP?

DH and I have a polar opposite set-up to you, and we would offer our cars to each other or arrange to drop one person off on the way iyswim.

However, your set-up is so particularly individual then I don't think it would be unreasonable not to offer. It feels sad from the outside, but horses for courses and all that.

TheNightingalesStarling · 19/05/2025 17:23

How much will hiring a car cost?

GRex · 19/05/2025 17:23

I can't quite understand how your marriage works if you both refuse to share anything. Why did you marry?

I'd say he should drop you off and take the car, then you walk home. Or the reverse. But then I don't quite follow the vibe you have.

1apenny2apenny · 19/05/2025 17:23

My initial reaction given your OP is no However has he explicitly asked you? Is he assuming you will lend him your car? Is he suggesting a compromise eg he drops you at work and picks you up?

I would be just waiting to see what he suggested, I wouldn’t be looking for a solution.

greengreyblue · 19/05/2025 17:23

It’s up to you. Depends how kind and generous you’re feeling but you’d be well within your rights to not. It’s not like you work around the corner.
Given the way you describe how he is about shared finances I think I’d be less inclined to share my car.
This week my DH is without a car and I’ve offered to drop him at work which is out of my way and he goes an hour earlier than me, because he’d do the same for me and we share all finances despite him earning triple my wage. He has however chosen to cycle.

MounjaroMounjaro · 19/05/2025 17:25

It sounds like a miserable marriage to me, tbh, but no, I wouldn't improve his life at the cost of my own, not when he's so strict about separate finances. He wouldn't do it for you if the tables were turned, would he?

bennybannsider · 19/05/2025 17:25

It seems weird to me (with shared finances) that a household would spend money hiring a car when there's a free option. But it sounds like this fits well with your arrangements, for one thing it's not the "household" paying the car hire, and I assume he can afford the car hire so you do you.

Cosyblankets · 19/05/2025 17:26

If he's contracted do you mean he's self employed? Can he put it as a business expense?
You don't seem to do much for each other?

Tarrybankheidi · 19/05/2025 17:27

If he can easily afford the hire car then fine, if not surely the nice thing to do is offer. 40 min walk does you good. Like someone else said is there the option for him to drop you at work or pick you up after.

outerspacepotato · 19/05/2025 17:28

Nope. He can rent a car.

Why should you start sharing after 15 years of this separate bullshit only to have him share when it works to his benefit and puts you out.

TicketyBoo11 · 19/05/2025 17:30

What a sad set up. No team work or sharing in sight. Not my sort of situation but if that’s what you like then that’s what you like…I would offer my car to my husband, he’d do the same for me. We’re not perfect but we work with each other not against..

Ponoka7 · 19/05/2025 17:30

Rainy weather is on the way. It won't be fun walking for 40 minutes. Three week hire by mine is around £500, if he can afford it, leave him to it. Unless he can at least drop you off.

RollerSkateLikePeggy · 19/05/2025 17:32

I would say it's entirely your choice, but you need to make sure your insurance will cover if he's using it to drive to appointments, as that's not covered but the standard "commuting" option.

minnienono · 19/05/2025 17:32

Seems so sad to me that you don’t cooperate. Can he drop you one way, is there public transport option.

it will shock you but we’ve decided to get rid of one car, and share

WhatWouldTheDoctorDo · 19/05/2025 17:33

I would lend my husband my car, but you seem to have an unusual set up, even for a separate finances household.

Would he do it for you? What did you do when you had child related costs? What happened when you were on mat leave? If you go out together, who drives and which car do you use? You say your outgoings are roughly equal, are your earnings comparable? These would all be factors for consideration for me. Could he/would he drop you off/pick you up while borrowing the car?

Dreambouse · 19/05/2025 17:34

It's not unreasonable not to, I'd personally lend mine to DH because hes thoughtful and kind himself and we share everything - i know he'd do this for me. Your set up is different.

UnPetitCochon · 19/05/2025 17:35

If it was for 2 or 3 days and you don’t mind walking then I’d say you could share. But as it’s for 2 to 3 weeks then it’s too long. It might chuck it down every day or you might come down with something and be exhausted. Or you might just want to pop to Tesco on the way home from work.

For that amount of time I’d only consider it if the weather was likely to be okay and if DH paid for taxis if it was chucking it down (or a heatwave!) if needed.

Edymnplay · 19/05/2025 17:36

I can't imagine being that petty or seperate within a marriage. Unless your days are very long a 40 minute walk at this time of year is no hardship, why wouldn't do it to help out someone you (presumably) love?

I mean I agree in principle with all the people saying no way, because of what's gone before, but what a way to live!

doodleschnoodle · 19/05/2025 17:37

DeedlessIndeed · 19/05/2025 17:22

Has he asked to borrow the car, OP?

DH and I have a polar opposite set-up to you, and we would offer our cars to each other or arrange to drop one person off on the way iyswim.

However, your set-up is so particularly individual then I don't think it would be unreasonable not to offer. It feels sad from the outside, but horses for courses and all that.

I agree, this would be a ‘family problem’ to solve for us, not just one person’s. We would sort it out between us. But in this instance I guess it’s not unreasonable to not offer, but it all feels a bit bizarre.

CopperWhite · 19/05/2025 17:37

If he’s already planning to hire a car, what makes you question whether you should be giving him yours?

Mightyhike · 19/05/2025 17:38

I don't get why you wouldn't lend him the car? What's the reason not to? 40 mins walk is good exercise!

Chaseandstatus · 19/05/2025 17:38

In your situation being separate seems to suit you. In a more sharing type of relationship I’d work out what is cheaper- car hire, or Ubers, and do that.

McCartneyOnTheHeath · 19/05/2025 17:40

I'd walk to work, although actually I would be doing that anyway if it's only 40 minutes away.

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