Lend car to husband and walk to work for 2-3 weeks

[BritAirwaysgirl]

Married for 15 years, our children are at uni, both work full-time and always have done. Completely separate finances and always have had. Husband would never share finances, accounts, etc. I pay the mortgage and food/household goods and husband pays the utilities, council tax, etc, which works out about equal. We each have a car individually financed by ourselves. We strictly stick to our individual respective cars. Husband's car is going to be in the garage for 2-3 weeks having major work done. He works 1 hour away so a 2 hour round trip and he uses his car for all his 5-6 appointments each day. I work 2 miles away, approx 40 minute walk each way. Husband is going to hire a car for work as he is contracted and does not get any paid leave. AIBU to not offer him to use my car for 2-3 weeks and I can walk to work each day? Or should he sort his own transport issues out as it is not my problem?

In your circumstances I'd say you can have the car but pay me half the hiring fee.

Nope if he wants things separate then that’s the consequence. He can hire himself a car or ask for a courtesy car. If the shoe were on the other foot you would not be getting a lend of his car. 40 minutes is a long way if it’s pissing rain at the start of the day.

I would in a heartbeat but I quite often walk the 25/30 minutes to and from work anyway and there's a bus that is almost door to door if I don't fancy that, but we don't have such separation of finances etc. We only have one car now because we both work close to home and DH cycles everywhere, but when we had two we both drove mine but I didn't drive DHs , he's not fussy about who drives his car but it was a manual and I only drive auto and my car was nicer

In a normal marriage I would offer but not in one like yours.
Absolutely not.
Horrible way to live, but he insisted upon it so follow his lead.

He needs a courtesy car or hire car.

Married 23 years age (43) we share everything joint account no I in team. I would honestly speak to him about combining if that is the case I would offer car to him/ either 50% depending on his reaction to just share and a 100% if he is wanting to just be a team and share.

one of my great joys in life is that I can walk to work. Also 2miles each way. As you don’t do it, you clearly don’t feel the same way though!

do you actually like your husband? Your op didn’t read as if either of you like each other, so my answer would depend on that.

Hmmm, are you absolutely sure your spends "work out equal"?
Your end of that deal with mortgage and food sounds quite high?

Yes even when our mortgage was at its cheapest, that plus food would have been far higher than council tax plus utilities.

I presume as you pay equally, albeit in a strange way, that you earn equally too? Otherwise one of you is getting deeply mugged off. I’d guess it would be you as you said your H would ‘never share finances’.

Is he open with you about what he has and how much he earns?

Anyway back to your query, he wants his own separate finances, that’s fine, but he can sort his own car. Do not inconvenience yourself to sort him out. It’s his problem.

Well since he has benefited from a 50/50 marriage, and seemingly insisted on not sharing his finances with you, his wife and mother of his children, he should also be insistant on sorting out his car situation himself 🥰

Exactly this! He sounds awful, not sure I would be minded to help him out at all.

But definitely check the way your finances are worked out is actually fair.

how did it work when the kids were snall did he share money then

no i wouldnt probably give him my car but then we dont have seprate finances

He's said he's going to a hire a car so why are you asking this question.
He's come up with a solution so no, you don't need to lend your husband the car.
Why can't he get a courtesy car from the garage, that's what happens if my car has to go in for an extended period of time?

What would you want to happen if the situation was reversed and you had the one hour commute and your husband the 2 mile commute and your car was going to be out of action for 2-3 weeks? Would you want him to lend you his car or would you make your own arrangements? The answer to that question will give you the answer as to whether you should lend him your car in the current circumstances.

However, I can't really imagine being married to someone where everything was strictly split like that and there's a "his car, his problem", "my car, my problem" attitude rather than a team of two people saying ok, one of the cars is out of action so how can we solve that as a couple.

I work 5 miles away and my husband works 60 miles away. I would of course offer my car to him in this situation. I’d either get the bus, a lift from my dad or borrow my dad’s car if I had appointments. I can’t understand why you wouldn’t to be honest.
my husband wouldn’t ask but I would offer.

The question to ask, is if the shoe was on the other foot what would your husband do.
And the answer, because I suspect it’s not obvious, is that he would leave you to figure it out at your own expense.

I think this is a bit strange. You are meant to be a partnership surely?

FWIW DH works at home and the Dcs go to school 12 miles away in heavy traffic and I work another 3 miles away further on. My car's clutch broke and due to complexities it was out of action for 2 weeks.

So DH drove the Dcs to school, me to work then home. Then reversed that in the afternoon every day- without even questioning it. Because we are a partnership.

Then each Saturday he took the Dcs to their swimming lessons 10 miles away because I had had a tough few weeks and he wanted to let me lie in.

I simply cannot fathom what it must be like to be keeping some sort of financial score card like this. How do you bear it?

Family with completely separate finances? Eh?

I don’t understand it either.
It’s very odd.

Totally if the cars are that way designated, he should organise a courtesy car fr60 the garage.

I am trying to figure out how the cost of utility and council tax is anywhere near the same as the cost of mortgage and food bill. Now granted I live in the South East and have two teenagers in the house, but my mortgage and food bill is probably 4 times more than council tax and utilities. Have you checked the finances ever? Is the house in your name?

I don't understand how mortgage and food can work out as the same as council tax and bills?

Exactly this!
Alarms bells rang for me with this because I have a friend who has been/is being ripped off in a similar arrangement by an unpleasant, secretive partner.

What a strange marriage.

"In richer, in poorer"

He borrows your car and pays your taxis for all journeys