Lend car to husband and walk to work for 2-3 weeks

[BritAirwaysgirl]

Married for 15 years, our children are at uni, both work full-time and always have done. Completely separate finances and always have had. Husband would never share finances, accounts, etc. I pay the mortgage and food/household goods and husband pays the utilities, council tax, etc, which works out about equal. We each have a car individually financed by ourselves. We strictly stick to our individual respective cars. Husband's car is going to be in the garage for 2-3 weeks having major work done. He works 1 hour away so a 2 hour round trip and he uses his car for all his 5-6 appointments each day. I work 2 miles away, approx 40 minute walk each way. Husband is going to hire a car for work as he is contracted and does not get any paid leave. AIBU to not offer him to use my car for 2-3 weeks and I can walk to work each day? Or should he sort his own transport issues out as it is not my problem?

15 years of marriage and 'his transport issues are not my problem'?

You live really close to work, it's summertime, and the walking will do you good, you can skip the gym. Maybe he can drop you off/ pick you up some of the days.

I had car issues once. My ex would wake up at 6am to drive me for 45 mins for almost 2 months. Separate finances, for context. And 10+ years. I didn't ask him at all, but had he been able to but not offered, subconsciously it would have made me resent him. I'd have done the same for him.

Heck, even my friends would do this for me, and I'd do it for them. Another time I had car problems, my friend had me stay with her, at no cost, for a week. Another time another friend just drove me home for several weeks...

Do you love this person? If so, do you not have the innate desire to look after him and help him have a comfortable life, and not spend $$$ on a hire car that could go towards, I dunno, the children, or nice days out for you both?

Romance is dead if one won't go out of their way to help their nearest and dearest.

That’s away to do marriage that is totally foreign to me.
Id WANT to help my dh rather than expect him to just struggle in his own.

It looks though as if your lives are pretty much separate. So 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

I would question if your marriage has any chance to survive if one of you falls ill first any length of time/has an accident etc…. I can’t see any of you two stepping up for the other.

No I wouldn't, but that's because in our semi-shared household I've realised it always seems to go one way. Muggins here hires a car if mine is in the garage, but if DH's is out of action, he borrows mine and I'm inconvenienced. Because his work is always somehow a priority (despite lower salary), and he buys shit cars (tight, not broke). I'm fed up of being the dependable one who bends over for everyone else. So I'm projecting, obviously, but let him sort himself out!

Plenty of comments were about the separate finances.

We both work from home and need our PC's. I wouldn't expect to be able to just use my DH's, no. Just like I wouldn't also expect to use his car.

@CoffeePlse actually that’s a situation where I can see why you’d do that.
Its never ok when it’s always the same person making the effort.

But in the other side, you’d want to help if you can right?

Its one thing to say ‘no I need my PC to work’ and refusing when it would cost you very little to share it (eg you only use it to go on MN) out of principle.

The OP hasn't been back.
I suspect there is more to this than just the car issue & theirs is not a happy marriage in which compromise & helping each other out is a thing that happens.

but again, that's different.

Normal, in my views, marriage: I would offer to lend you my car, but I do need it, you need another solution.

OP: he's not my problem.

Not quite the same, is it.

I completely agree. There isn't a team here. It seems really pedantic, and destined to end in resentment.

His car, his problem.

Failed marriage, their problem.

yes

why are they even together?

Not failed if it works for them the way they’re doing it. Could be a very successful marriage (if the OP’s happy that way too). Still, the way things are - his car, his problem.

Well, OP hasn't been back yet. If she doesn't agree with the fact that they have separate finances then maybe resentment has grown over the years.

It's hard to tell from just the OP though.

If you wanted to let him use and don’t mind the walk.But he would have to pay a daily hire fee

Weird!

I’d walk but I enjoy exercise before work and it’s an easy way to get my step count up, can’t he get a car from the garage or insurance company?

Sorry but you don't seem like much of a team. What's the point in even being married if this is how you live?

God, this is all so miserable.
Where's the teamwork?

Do you actually love each other?

Can't he drop you off on his way?

I sort of agree with this.

However, I think OP might want to consider renting her car to the DH with a view to profiting from his bad luck.

Did you read the op. This is how they are
They don't pay for each others anything and as another poster said. Why start now so the husband can be sorted whilst the op walks . They should have both thought of this if they wanted support from one another. Now, hubby has to take it on the chin and pay for a hire car.

FWIW, I do know folks who have separate finances who are very loving and are high-functioning 2 person teams.

That doesn't seem to be the case here, based on "Husband would never share finances, accounts, etc." and the use of "strictly" to define their separate car use. And the fact that this is even a question being asked.

He can hire a car. Do not inconvenience yourself for someone who wouldn't do the same for you.

We have semi separate finances, bills are shared but cars are our own responsibility. DH lent me his car last year after I had an accident and the garage didn't have a courtesy car and I would do the same for him although he'd have go give me a lift as I couldn't walk for 40 minutes, which I know he would do. I'm not sure I'd feel the same if DH was like OP's husband though.