Lend car to husband and walk to work for 2-3 weeks

[BritAirwaysgirl]

Married for 15 years, our children are at uni, both work full-time and always have done. Completely separate finances and always have had. Husband would never share finances, accounts, etc. I pay the mortgage and food/household goods and husband pays the utilities, council tax, etc, which works out about equal. We each have a car individually financed by ourselves. We strictly stick to our individual respective cars. Husband's car is going to be in the garage for 2-3 weeks having major work done. He works 1 hour away so a 2 hour round trip and he uses his car for all his 5-6 appointments each day. I work 2 miles away, approx 40 minute walk each way. Husband is going to hire a car for work as he is contracted and does not get any paid leave. AIBU to not offer him to use my car for 2-3 weeks and I can walk to work each day? Or should he sort his own transport issues out as it is not my problem?

This Kind of thing has happened to us over the years and I would lend the car to DH and vice versa - presuming it’s not too much of an inconvenience to you to walk and or he can drive you sometimes. Even with finances separate, you’re a team and should help each other out- you should want to. But I wouldn’t have finances like yours so I’m not sure if it affects anything.

It doesn’t sound like much of a marriage really. But if it works for you both then okay. Would he do something to help you out if the roles were reversed? That would impact my decision. Normally I’d say of course, share the car if you can walk to work. But given the way he’s downright said no to sharing any finances even in marriage, I’d be inclined to say keep your car and he’ll have to figure it out himself.

Is he asking to use the car?

From what you’ve said I wouldn’t put yourself out for him as it doesn’t seem like he would do the same for you

To be married and have everything seperate like that is a bit odd, really.

We have two cars but we use them interchangeably, and I can't imagine not putting up with a bit of minor inconvienience like a short walk to work for a couple of weeks to save DH the hassle and expense of hiring a car.

But whatever works for you. I would offer, though. I mean, do you like your husband? If so, why wouldn't you help him out?

Is he asking for the car or has he hinted.
If he is a contractor then he will need business insurance for your car.
Given that you have completely separate finances I would not lend him your car.
I do not understand marriages with separate finances.

It sounds like he decided to have completely separate lives. So the ‘good reason’ is that he made his bed.

I wouldn’t be in this marriage, but he chose it.

You and your housemate sound like you have a very transactional relationship so probably best you don’t lend him the car 🙄

He can't pick and choose when sharing is caring ( if he has asked you for this ) he can find sort this out like the independent big boy he is.
Take a leaf out of his book and put yourself first, always.

If it was a 5/10 minute walk to your work, OP, I’d definitely suggest lending your car. But 40 minutes is quite a trek and, given you don’t share finances, I certainly don’t think you should feel you have to offer.
You must have heard of the story where a man offers a woman an insane amount to have sex with him; she agrees, and he then reduces the amount to something paltry…? She then says, What kind of woman do you think I am? And he says, We’ve already established that. Now we’re just haggling over the price…
In your case, it’s not sex and money but car and miles — and I’m sure we’d all have a point at which we’d say, Okay, you have the car — but only you know what your point would be…!

I would lend my DH my car, but then again I love the guy and would want to. He would do it for me also, without question.

Walking 40 minutes is not far and I would welcome the walk but then again I am quite an active person, even in the rain! Is there not a bus you can get, even if you just use it for rainy days?

Are you happy with the set up, with no shared finances etc?

As for the car, I’d offer mine. But my marriage is different. Could you cycle / walk? Is it a nice route. If not just leave him to hire a car.

I thought the same as you.
Not my idea of a marriage and family. But each to their own.
What would he do if you were in this predicament @BritAirwaysgirl

Could he cover the cost of a taxi for you for a few weeks - got to be cheaper than hiring a car!

Do you care for each other? Do you trust him? Would he go out of this way for you? If so absolutely. Lend him the car, get extra fresh air and tell him he can treat you to a night away with the money he saves!? Win win. If the answer is no, then you’d probably be happier on your own.

In this situation my husband is not the only person I’d do this for. I’d most likely do this for my sister, my parents, my cousin…

Could you agree he funds an Uber/taxi each day for you?
We do have fairly separate finances but would help each other like this in an heartbeat.

Why do you need to walk the 40 minutes? Is there not a train/bus service? Can he not drop you off?

I don't understand marriages like this, where everything is separate. It reminds me of being young and having a new boyfriend. Dh, and I share all fiances. It is a collective household income, and he would never nitpick over who earns what. I couldn't be with somebody who did that.

What a horrible way to live. Are there upsides to your marriage?

Could he drop you off/ pick up? Or would it be so bad to walk if the weather's nice?

Do people really live like this?

Or should he sort his own transport issues out as it is not my problem?

why are you even married? I have seen more warmth and help between roommates who are pretty much strangers.

I work 2 miles away, approx 40 minute walk each way.
YABU for not walking to work anyway.

Would he do the same For you if roles were reversed..
It doesn't sound like he would from what you wrote
So no I wouldn't in your shoes

Sounds like a weird marriage. You don't seem to like your DH

Completely separate finances and always have had. Husband would never share finances, accounts, etc.

This is what leapt out of the page for me. Does he earn significantly more than you? Do you have similar amounts of spending money? When childcare was an issue how was the cost of that split?

If its only 2 miles, why do you drive anyway? Its much healthier, cheaper, and better for the environment to walk.
I used to walk further than that when I was pregnant, in all weather, and carried shopping home on the way back.

I whole heartedly agree with this. Absolutely nothing about your post shouts a happy marriage or any team work. Being married 15 years and having children doesn't make a successful marriage, having an intertwined life where you support each other in any way possible does.