Lend car to husband and walk to work for 2-3 weeks

[BritAirwaysgirl]

Married for 15 years, our children are at uni, both work full-time and always have done. Completely separate finances and always have had. Husband would never share finances, accounts, etc. I pay the mortgage and food/household goods and husband pays the utilities, council tax, etc, which works out about equal. We each have a car individually financed by ourselves. We strictly stick to our individual respective cars. Husband's car is going to be in the garage for 2-3 weeks having major work done. He works 1 hour away so a 2 hour round trip and he uses his car for all his 5-6 appointments each day. I work 2 miles away, approx 40 minute walk each way. Husband is going to hire a car for work as he is contracted and does not get any paid leave. AIBU to not offer him to use my car for 2-3 weeks and I can walk to work each day? Or should he sort his own transport issues out as it is not my problem?

You’ve said contracted so I’m presuming he’s a self employed contractor. In which case I’d let him hire a car and he can have it as a business expense.

I presume you don’t usually walk to work. Adding 40 minutes each way to your work day sounds fine at first glance but what happens if you want to go somewhere or it’s tipping it down. Is there public transport as an alternative for you? It’s adding wear and tear to your car and quite a lot of miles. If the situation were reversed would he lend you his car?

I’m in a 1 car household so we have to share but it was sometimes quite tough when we went from 2 to 1.

Honestly don't understand what people call a marrige on here, it's fucking tragic

80 minutes per day could be better spent if DH does not drop off & pick up OP.
Sounds like he's self-employed, so could claim car hire against tax

So many unpleasant comments about @BritAirwaysgirl financial arrangements.

I hope that none of the "that's no way to live we share everything" brigade never get shafted by a nasty DH who takes all the money & runs.
(You've probably guessed what happened to me.)

Yes, 40 minutes is my upper limit for walking when there are other options, but I did that twice a day, every day for a few years. Rain isn't a huge problem, you get some waterproof trousers and it's only in a big storm that it's not doable.

Well, I love my husband and also quite like walking so he’d be welcome to use my car.

If you have everything so separate is he even insured to drive yours? And for business use as well as personal?

That was my first reaction too as I walk a bit more than 30 minutes now, but then I remembered I often do take public transport on the way home and it does sometimes get a bit much to do it both ways.

Totally agree with you.

Unless there is a massive drip feed, there is nothing wrong with having arrangements like this. We managed perfectly well with separate finances for decades, although we now have a joint account for utilities and pay in proportionally each month based on our incomes.

Moving swiftly back to the car situation I would have been having a discussion to see what was the best way around things and try to find a balance between spending a fortune for a hire car and the inconvenience of not having my own car. If something is going on for a couple of weeks or more, you don’t necessarily need the same solution for the whole period. Consider a combo of hire car for some of the time, lending him your car and being dropped off and walking either both ways or one way.

i also don't get these marriages where people don't share - but anyway...

in this situation I'd let my DH have the car and cycle.

Exactly that, I’m insured on my DH car & vice versa. My car goes for work he uses mine & drops me to work or I bus it & his goes for work I drop him off or he trains it. I wouldn’t ever expect him to hire a car but I’m not everyone so whatever works…

YANBU, but it's a very bizarre arrangement you have, and if you're not comfortable with it then that would be more of an issue for me.

Where did the love go?
You sound like flat mates who don't like each other much.

Exactly.

If OP doesn't agree with it, that's a different story but if they both agree and are happy then that's all that matters. Marriages are different for different people.

I'd never marry someone who expected finances to be pooled either.

I know every relationship is different, but is there actually any love between the two of you? Seperate finances, seperate cars, asking on Mumsnet if you should let you husband of 15 years borrow your car, its sounds completely insufferable!

Yes let him use your car for a couple of weeks, good grief!

I agree. This is so far removed from how my marriage is.

What are you actually questioning here OP? Reading between the lines I doubt it is about a car.

If I only needed a car to get to and from work, I'd probably offer my car for at least part of the time the other car is unavailable. Then I'd get a taxi/uber if it was pouring rain, or I was in a hurry somewhere.

that's not what people are mentioning

It's the "his bill, his car, his problem, not mine".

That is not a marriage. My neighbours would be more helpful than that!

Again, it has nothing to do with finances!

You can have finances as separate as you like, if your laptop or PC breaks down, would your husband just say "your PC, your problem, I am not letting you use mine".

Exactly.
Our finances are very similarly set up to OP.
It is the being willing to leave one person in the shit with a bill for a hire car/Ubers etc, when there is a perfectly good solution sitting there. But no, husband can't use it, because it's miiiiine.
There is something much bigger wrong in this marriage.

This is not the point of your thread, but in what world does paying the mortgage and all the food and household costs equal utility bills and council tax? Have you actually checked how much it costs you both because I’d have thought you’re paying quite a bit more.

Fucking hell. My DD28 had lent her brother her car for weeks on end as his need was greater.
But then we actually like each other. Unlike many on here clearly.

Well in my marriage where we share all fiances in one pot and work together as as a team, I would offer my car if I could walk so we didn't have the expense of a hire car BUT obviously your marriage is very very different dynamic. It almost feels like your house mates rather than a team. So I guess it would be easier you told him to sort out his own hire car, because it doesn't seem like you want to do him a favour.

Bloody hell, why an earth do you need validation from a public forum, to know whether you should lend your own car to your own husband for a couple of weeks??? Sorry I find it strange.

That doesn't sound like a marriage to me and he can fuck off for your car.

I hope neither of you fall ill and need support from one another. Your post reads so cold.