Lend car to husband and walk to work for 2-3 weeks

[BritAirwaysgirl]

Married for 15 years, our children are at uni, both work full-time and always have done. Completely separate finances and always have had. Husband would never share finances, accounts, etc. I pay the mortgage and food/household goods and husband pays the utilities, council tax, etc, which works out about equal. We each have a car individually financed by ourselves. We strictly stick to our individual respective cars. Husband's car is going to be in the garage for 2-3 weeks having major work done. He works 1 hour away so a 2 hour round trip and he uses his car for all his 5-6 appointments each day. I work 2 miles away, approx 40 minute walk each way. Husband is going to hire a car for work as he is contracted and does not get any paid leave. AIBU to not offer him to use my car for 2-3 weeks and I can walk to work each day? Or should he sort his own transport issues out as it is not my problem?

Has he actually asked to borrow your car? I assume it's not possible for him to drop you off and collect you each day? I appreciate you have seperate finances but you are a couple and you haven't hinted at either a good or bad general relationship that would influence your decision. Assuming you have a good partnership I'd offer the car and ask if he can pay for a taxi/uber for you if that works out cheaper than a hire car. If you have an unequal/bad partnership then let him solve his own transport issues

I would walk to work for a few weeks personally. It wouldn’t bother me if I didn’t need the car for anything else

What’s the point of being married if you don’t support each other?

I mean, I would never have been driving a distance that short in the first place. Traffic sucks and getting used to driving short distances is a huge waste of an opportunity to actually benefit form your commute. I cycle further than that to work, every day. And our marriage is based on teamwork and financial resources are shared, and DH would do it for me in a heartbeat.

So your choices are: 1) don't, because your marriage is every man and woman for themselves and that works for you, or because you don't anticipate being in it together anyway, or 2) do, because it would benefit the family overall. Up to you to decide which is more important.

Do you even like each other?

What a weird set-up!

I’d give my car as would DH, your situation is very different however and not something I’d see as a relationship.

In your situation probably not.

AIBU to not offer him to use my car for 2-3 weeks and I can walk to work each day?

Who cares when you have such a shit marriage setup? I presume he wouldn’t notice or care either way.

Completely separate finances and always have had. Husband would never share finances, accounts, etc.

Separate family somewhere too perhaps? Ugh. I wouldn’t share my car or my bed with a roommate husband like this. What’s in all this for you OP? Sounds like separate lives so yeah, separate cars. 😏

Shocking IMO, I wouldn’t hesitate to give DH my car, probably because we have shared finances and I’d balk at spending family money on a hire car.

however based on his insistence to have separate finances I’d let him waste his money, he reaps what he sows.

Not sure he would be the man for me.

Husband would never share finances, accounts, etc.

If DH is the one who would never share, then keep it at that arrangement.

I was thinking the same. This relationship sounds exhausting.

He wants everything to be separate, then he makes his own way to work.

@BritAirwaysgirl
It sounds from your post that the financial set up in your marriage has come from your husband as you say he’d never share finances, accounts etc.
Like nearly everyone else, I think it’s a real shame to be in such a transactional relationship but looks like you are where you are after 15 years.

If that’s the case, then I wouldn’t lend him my car. Choices have consequences.
I might be kind and remind him to check that the hire insurance covers him for business use for the visits he does. Might.

Yes, barring disability or serious time pressure driving two miles seems unreasonable but you have your reasons..

Why so transactional?

Your marriage is so transactional. I would let DH use my car, but we share finances.

Has he asked to use your car? Could he use your car but drive you part/all the way to work? Could you share your car? Could he use a work car, given he needs it for work too?

Have the car garage offered your DH a courtesy car for the works? Our local garage will offer use of a courtesy car (all be it a beaten up banger of some kind) for any works that will take over a week. They were nice enough to offer one of their courtesy bangers for the day when my car needed a repair that only took one day and I had no car for the school run as my husband had taken his car to work (90 minutes drive away, public transport would be nearly 3 hours). I had asked if I could drop car off at 9.30 after doing the school run and they just offered me one for the day when I dropped off so I didn't have to walk everywhere with a baby.

With the way you have organised your finances, I wouldn't be lending my car as I guess fuel/ insurance/ car expenses for your car are your own. I would in your case expect your DH to sort himself out.

I'd be offering. Maybe it would teach him something about sharing! Or maybe not.

I'm annoyed on your behalf at all the comments about your marriage. Not everyone is the same!

What a miserable marriage.

Weird one. I will assume that your set-up works for you and that you are both fairly equal in the marriage.

IMHO, you have a car because you want one, and - whilst maybe you don't absolutely need one - 40 mins each way is a long walk to have to do every day for two or three weeks.

In my view, if you are 100% happy to walk every single day for three weeks then great - lend him you car. If you have any doubts then it is simple - you both need a car and he needs to sort out what he's going to do whilst his in is the garage. Presumably hire one.

Each to their own but I don't see why each person paying set bills would be exhausting. It doesnt take any more effort to pay out of a personal account than a joint one.

Seems a strange and alien set up to me so would never be in his situation, we would always try and help each other out in all circumstances and our finances are completely mixed. Whether I lent him my car would probably depend on whether he was the one who was always strict about not sharing or not but if you do lend him your car make absolutely sure it has business use on the insurance. If he is commuting to places away from his main office this is not covered on usual domestic and pleasure insurance.

it's not the split of bills which is the issue, it's having such separate lives and mindset.

It’s the seperate mindset. Miserable.

He can hire a car, or you can just cycle.