Lend car to husband and walk to work for 2-3 weeks

[BritAirwaysgirl]

Married for 15 years, our children are at uni, both work full-time and always have done. Completely separate finances and always have had. Husband would never share finances, accounts, etc. I pay the mortgage and food/household goods and husband pays the utilities, council tax, etc, which works out about equal. We each have a car individually financed by ourselves. We strictly stick to our individual respective cars. Husband's car is going to be in the garage for 2-3 weeks having major work done. He works 1 hour away so a 2 hour round trip and he uses his car for all his 5-6 appointments each day. I work 2 miles away, approx 40 minute walk each way. Husband is going to hire a car for work as he is contracted and does not get any paid leave. AIBU to not offer him to use my car for 2-3 weeks and I can walk to work each day? Or should he sort his own transport issues out as it is not my problem?

YANBU. He meats separately finances so he’s begging what he asked for.

I’m in this camp too.

my initial reaction however was to let him have your car (I couldn’t imagine not if it were me and my husband), but then I thought you don’t share anything anyway, so let him sort himself out instead.

Aren't you meant to be a team when you are married?

I'd let him have the car and if necessary (like if it was raining) get a taxi there/back when or if I needed.

Could you cycle?

I have a 35 minute walk to work and feel it really benefits my general health to do so so I'd see it as an opportunity.

Seems a bit depressing to have a marriage where you share nothing and it also seems a bit depressing to be driving a two-mile commute. Could you not sell the car and buy a bike or something?!

Could he drop you off in the morning and then you could walk home at a leisurely pace?

Our cars are jointly owned so we both use them as needed…if DD (20) isn’t home from uni and zooms off in one of them. 😂

It would help him to use your car and the walk would do you good. Why not?

He should hire a car - or ask the garage if they have a courtesy car.

That only works if the OPs house backs onto a river that flows past his workplace, but it would make an interesting commute.

One car here, and whoever needs it most uses it. So I’d let your DH use it. But I would mostly be embarrassed at driving a 2-mile journey and get a bike.

Can he not drop you off and pick you up?
Or just drop you off?

I would have no issues walking home but it would depend on what the walk is like whether I’d want to walk to work in the morning.

40mins is fine on the flat but if it’s steep incline and you could possibly be sweaty and flustered going in to work then I wouldn’t do it.

Has your car never been in the garage? What happened then?

This sounds more like a business arrangement than a marriage so he should hire his own car. It needs to come from the budget allocation for his department of one. Otherwise it would be too difficult to reconcile at the end of the year.

So would I. I’d make it work as we have 2 cars without having more expense hiring one

I agree with this. The minimal impact to the overall family outgoings would be an Uber for you and your car going with him.

Our finances are set up in a broadly similar way.
I would let my husband borrow my car in a heartbeat.
I would also not drive a 2 mile commute. I would run, walk or cycle it.

I'd expect DH to hire his own car but then I wouldn't expect he'd even ask to borrow mine.

P.S I have a 'housemate' marriage too. 🙄😂

If you put the finances to one side (as you say you pay an even split each) ………. Is he a kind and thoughtful man who does nice favours for you? I would use this to decide, rather than your financial set up. If he regularly is kind and thoughtful towards you, then return the favour. However if he is selfish and wouldn’t do a favour for you, then obviously don’t (and think about if you want to be married to him!)

I’m curious is he just like this about money or about everything. Say you were unwell would he provide care for you, or is that your issue to solve? Does he do a fair share of household tasks? If it is just with money what about if one or other of you lost your jobs, would the other person step up to share what they had or would there be a tab running til the person was back at work? What about treats / holidays do you only get to go if you can pay your full share? Meals out does one person sit and eat steak with all the trimmings and the other person has a salad because you have different budgets?

In my marriage, we would
share the remaining care as needed. Sometimes I might walk, sometimes he would drive me, sometimes we would hire a 2nd car.

in yours, if he wants to borrow your car, he should pay you. An hours away plus 5-6 appointments a day is a lot of wear and tear. Then add on your inconvenience which is also worth something.

@BritAirwaysgirl

"Husband would never share finances, accounts, etc"

He can't have his cake and eat it too. If he wants things separate, then separate it all shall be. His choice.

Do it only if you want to from the goodness of your heart and expecting nothing back. But if you're feeling pressured or being 'guilted', or if you expect it to engender a feeling of wanting to 'share' in him then no, don't do it. You'll only be disappointed.

this was my thinking

To be honest he sounds like a shitty partner. You’ve had kids and marriage etc and never shared money! What the hell. Even legally the state assumes you do. He’s a bit of a dick imo based on that alone. It’s irrelevant that the amounts you pay for are roughly equal, it’s the principle.

On that basis alone I absolutely would not lend him the car no. He can pay for it out of his ‘own money’!!!

Hand on heart Op, if the situation was reversed would he lend you his car for that long? If he hasn't asked I'd just go on as normal.

Sorry, is he your husband or a lodger/ some bloke you happen to know? If it’s the former, or course you walk 2 miles for a couple of weeks whilst he needs a 2 hour round trip that can’t be walked!

ffs, I bet you take turns at paying when you go out to eat too.