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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be absolutely fed up of toddler?

256 replies

fedupmomm · 19/05/2025 09:56

I am so fed up of my toddler, I don’t know what else to do.

OH works 7 days a week and does not help me with anything apart from give me money.

Toddler will not eat unless he has something to play with.
Screams constantly all the time when in the high chair.

Refuses to sleep in his cot.
Brushing his teeth is a big battle.

I am just so fed up.
I don’t have any time for myself at all, the last time I went to the hair dressers was in 2023.

OH is just awful and says because I am a mother this is what I signed up for.

Because he has never looked after DC on his own he really does not know or understand how hard it is.

I regret having him so bad and I hate feeling like this.

I don’t have depression I am just fed up, I am tired, I am frustrated from the lack of help and support from OH.

Because I feel like this OH says “Wow you have a beautiful son and you feel like this?”
He just dosent understand.

His life has stayed the same, he works, he see’s his friends, he goes out, he goes on holiday.

Since DC was 8 months old I have asked him to do more, but to no avail.

I just don’t know what to do anymore.
My parents live close and they do see me but I don’t want to ask them for help as they have their own problems with health.

AIBU to feel like this?

OP posts:
converseandjeans · 19/05/2025 09:58

Does he go to nursery? It sounds like he needs more routine & something to keep him busy.

I wouldn’t believe DH has to work 24/7 - it sounds like he is avoiding childcare responsibilities.

Eenameenadeeka · 19/05/2025 09:59

Sounds like the partner is the problem, not the toddler. He should be doing some of the parenting so that you can also get a break here and there.

Swiftie1878 · 19/05/2025 09:59

What do you do with him? He sounds really bored!

Original poster
fedupmomm · 19/05/2025 10:03

We go out everyday, we have a nursery full of toys, have toys in the garden.

Yes OH is the problem because the dosent do anything to help me.
All he does is tell me what to do and criticise me.

OP posts:
Restingpotato · 19/05/2025 10:03

The bit that would drive me crazy is the lack of support and help from partner. Do you even see each other? Do you get time together in the evening?
how old is your toddler? Can you start getting more structure to the day? Find a stay and play group where they can be slightly entertained and you can get a little adult interaction. Teeth may be a struggle for a while, I used a sticker chart with some success (the promise of soft play after a certain number of stickers).
are they old enough to be out of a high chair?we’d given up on the high chair by about 20 months with my son and he’ll happily eat sitting on a chair or booster seat. Wasn’t a fan of being contained! Maybe they have high energy and low sleep needs. A tough combination for a parent especially one with no support

Gettingbysomehow · 19/05/2025 10:03

I remember my mother in the same situation years ago shrieking ......if the children are so fucking wonderful then you look after them and just leaving the house for 24 hours.
We never knew where she went.
It was absolute chaos and bedlam and he never said anythingike that again.
You should try it.

parietal · 19/05/2025 10:05

sorry, it is utterly relentless and hard work in these early years.

for the toddler, you need to join up with other mums of toddlers - go to any local baby groups or stay-and-play or the local park. anything that is out of the house and gives your toddler a chance to get tired out.

for your DH, you need to tell him that you are massively struggling and you need a break. tell him you will be going out next weekend from 11am - 5pm and he will be in charge of the toddler. then go out and get your hair cut and have a nice lunch and chill. DH and toddler may have a tough afternoon but they will survive and they will both learn something.

99namechanges · 19/05/2025 10:06

I bet your life would be easier if you booted him out, get your child maintenance and he has to have your DC a few days a week giving you a break.
You aren't a bad person OP you are exhausted and tied to a useless husband.

Swiftie1878 · 19/05/2025 10:06

fedupmomm · 19/05/2025 10:03

We go out everyday, we have a nursery full of toys, have toys in the garden.

Yes OH is the problem because the dosent do anything to help me.
All he does is tell me what to do and criticise me.

Again, what do you actually DO with him?
Having toys doesn’t equal playing with him.
Going out could just be to the shops, rather than doing things that interest and stimulate him.

Stop focusing on DH for a minute - plenty of mums have no DP involvement with their kids, but don’t end up regretting having them.
What are you doing to make life interesting and fun for your child?

Calmdownpeople · 19/05/2025 10:08

Having young kids is really really hard so give yourself a break. It’s hard as your OH works 7 days a week and it sound like you are at home so doesn’t sound like either of you get any down time.

Why is he going on holiday and you aren’t? If he can see his friends you need to do the same. Please consider how you can stop enabling his behaviour and readdress down time.

DeathNote11 · 19/05/2025 10:21

Gettingbysomehow · 19/05/2025 10:03

I remember my mother in the same situation years ago shrieking ......if the children are so fucking wonderful then you look after them and just leaving the house for 24 hours.
We never knew where she went.
It was absolute chaos and bedlam and he never said anythingike that again.
You should try it.

I did that when mine were small after my (now) ex stated that every day was a holiday for me. I was away for 2 nights & got home to absolute chaos. He never said or implied anything similar ever again. It really is the only way to deal with men like that until you eventually divorce them.

uglysexy · 19/05/2025 10:23

I would divorce, at least you would get a break then

Dreambouse · 19/05/2025 10:24

Toddlers can be relentless, the real issue is with your partner rather than your child but you know this.

I agree with others he's probably bored, can you afford nursery a few mornings a week? Can your parents come round at nap time or whatever so they're keeping an eye on him but not having to run around after him so you get a break?

MidnightPatrol · 19/05/2025 10:24

I think anyone would go a bit crazy spending 7 days a week caring for a toddler alone.

Why is your DH working 7 days a week?

We have a few toddler groups locally where you can drop your child off for a couple of hours; that might be a good short term solution so you get a break.

MidnightPatrol · 19/05/2025 10:26

DeathNote11 · 19/05/2025 10:21

I did that when mine were small after my (now) ex stated that every day was a holiday for me. I was away for 2 nights & got home to absolute chaos. He never said or implied anything similar ever again. It really is the only way to deal with men like that until you eventually divorce them.

Show quote history

I don’t think people realise how hard it is, unless they have done it.

Thats why paternity leave is important - so dads know what it’s like to care for their child alone for weeks on end. It’s no holiday!

Pyjamatimenow · 19/05/2025 10:26

Are you married? Sounds like you need rid of the partner. Are you financially reliant on him ?

Vienaindy · 19/05/2025 10:27

Read: The power of now! (& Relax)

SeventeenClovesOfGarlic · 19/05/2025 10:40

Are you dependent on your boyfriend for housing? This isn't a relationship, he's a misogynist and a complete failure of a man.
Sort out housing and put in a CMS claim against the deadbeat.

Yatuway · 19/05/2025 10:45

Toddlers are inherently drawn towards being pains in the arse, but unlike your useless twat of a DP they can't help it.

Lyra87 · 19/05/2025 11:02

Toddlers are hard. You absolutely need more support. In your position I would seriously be considering leaving and getting maintenance from your OH, even if it means no longer being sahm. Nursery would do dc and you both some good.

Mumof2girls2121 · 19/05/2025 11:06

Why don’t you go out, see your friends, have your hair done, your baby has 2 parents, you don’t have to ask to leave the house without him.

nutbrownhare15 · 19/05/2025 11:08

Do you want to continue your relationship? It sounds like any love has gone. Can you talk to your parents about what respite they can offer. And yes it sounds like in these circumstances nursery or a childminder using the free childcare hours would be an excellent idea. Small children are wearing and you need to prioritise getting a break for yourself. The more days in a row I did the harder I found it. This is important for your wellbeing and therefore benefits your child too. If you can, take time away from home just like your husband does. Leave the house. If that's impossible then get the break in other ways by finding alternative childcare - ideally do both.

TISagoodday · 19/05/2025 11:16

This sounds really hard. I had my first as a toddler in lockdown with husband fortunately able to work it was just me and a baby all day every day, it was HARD. Being in a remote part of Scotland there was no chance for my babe to even see another face during the day.
I split up the day 8-12, 12-4, 4-8. Each part of the day had a meal, a nap and an activity. One of the parts the activity was housework in which the baby would also take part in depending on age, so wipe windows with a cloth, have a ride in the laundry basket upstairs etc. Another part of the day the a activity was to go outside.
Another part, books and bath. You get the jist
Somehow the days went on and I started to enjoy it, knowing each part of the day had a plan and I just had to get through that bit.
Sounds like your husband just does not get it which is exacerbating everything though.
When I got a weekend job and husband had to look after baby alone for two whole days he soon realised. Anyway you can give him the opportunity to realise also?

user1476613140 · 19/05/2025 11:17

Make sure your contraception is water tight. Don't have any more kids is my advice.

My youngest is 7yo and still wakes us up before 6am. It's bloody exhausting. I hope you can get family to help you.

Notanideafornow · 19/05/2025 11:20

99namechanges · 19/05/2025 10:06

I bet your life would be easier if you booted him out, get your child maintenance and he has to have your DC a few days a week giving you a break.
You aren't a bad person OP you are exhausted and tied to a useless husband.

There’s no legal obligation for a parent to see their child so OP may still end up with no help unfortunately

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