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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be absolutely fed up of toddler?

256 replies

fedupmomm · 19/05/2025 09:56

I am so fed up of my toddler, I don’t know what else to do.

OH works 7 days a week and does not help me with anything apart from give me money.

Toddler will not eat unless he has something to play with.
Screams constantly all the time when in the high chair.

Refuses to sleep in his cot.
Brushing his teeth is a big battle.

I am just so fed up.
I don’t have any time for myself at all, the last time I went to the hair dressers was in 2023.

OH is just awful and says because I am a mother this is what I signed up for.

Because he has never looked after DC on his own he really does not know or understand how hard it is.

I regret having him so bad and I hate feeling like this.

I don’t have depression I am just fed up, I am tired, I am frustrated from the lack of help and support from OH.

Because I feel like this OH says “Wow you have a beautiful son and you feel like this?”
He just dosent understand.

His life has stayed the same, he works, he see’s his friends, he goes out, he goes on holiday.

Since DC was 8 months old I have asked him to do more, but to no avail.

I just don’t know what to do anymore.
My parents live close and they do see me but I don’t want to ask them for help as they have their own problems with health.

AIBU to feel like this?

OP posts:
HotDogKetchup · 19/05/2025 11:22

OP toddlers are hard work. It doesn’t sound like you get any sort of a break. Have you thought about a nanny, childminder, nursery. I think most of us would struggle if we were 24/7.

Caspianberg · 19/05/2025 11:22

how old is the Toddler? Doesn’t help that your dh is useless, but maybe toddler wants and needs more independence now?
You mention he hates highchair and cot etc, might would have just climbed out from between 18-24 Months. So at some point before 2 years he didn’t have sides on cot or straps on chair otherwise he screamed murder

They are like dogs. Need two runs a day. My Ds has only just started to calm down needing to be outside constantly and he’s 5 years

BertieBotts · 19/05/2025 11:22

You are burnt out because parenting a toddler is relentless and your partner is unsupportive and possibly emotionally/verbally abusive.

You need a break and some emotional support. Is there any way you can get either?

Gettingbysomehow · 19/05/2025 11:22

I think the toddler years are the absolute worst. After that it all gets better. The sheer tedium of it all. DSIS is going through it now later on in life and looks absolutely exhausted.

Endofyear · 19/05/2025 11:25

Toddlers can be full on and hard work but you should be having fun with him too! Can you get him into nursery part time and go back to work? You sound like you need something outside being a SAHM and there's nothing wrong with that. Your little one might benefit too from more routine and structure.

I would make sure that you leave your partner with his son a couple of nights a week and let him deal with the teeth brushing and bedtime stuff. Take yourself off for a few hours at the weekend too, you need a break and he needs to spend more time with his son!

WhiteCloudd · 19/05/2025 11:27

Does he go to a nursery for any days? If not could you start that? Give yourself a break.

Your OH sounds like an absolute dick for what it’s worth. I know you already know that but just adding to it!

Readytohealnow · 19/05/2025 11:30

Child in nursery, you back at work.
And OH does not need to work 7 days. That is ridiculous.

Tourmalines · 19/05/2025 11:32

What do you mean he goes on holiday ?

Whiteflowerscreed · 19/05/2025 11:32

Toddler sounds normal, and you would be able to cope better if you had breaks and me time. Then you would have more energy and patience for normal toddler behaviour.
give up on high chair - we did at 1 for all our children. And got a little ikea table and chairs.

this is a DH DP problem not a DC problem. He needs to help out or you need to get rid of him

Ophy83 · 19/05/2025 11:36

He's a father, what has he signed up for? It's 2025, most fathers have a hands on role.

It may be time to start handing over the reins as soon as he gets home from work. Book yourself that haircut. You should get equal time to socialise.

How would you feel about getting a job and little one going to nursery a few days a week?

99namechanges · 19/05/2025 11:40

Notanideafornow · 19/05/2025 11:20

There’s no legal obligation for a parent to see their child so OP may still end up with no help unfortunately

Show quote history

Well she does everything anyway, at least she won't have to deal with the husband everyday.

lovehearts88 · 19/05/2025 11:49

Why does your partner work 7 days a week? That is ridiculous, does he ever see or spend time with you both?

How old is your toddler? Does he go to nursery? If not, can you put him in nursery and go back to work if that might be easier?

I'm a SAHM to a toddler. It's hard but I personally love it. I like getting out and about most days otherwise it's a looong day at home. Soft play, swimming, messy play class, toddler group, role play center, library, long walks in the pram to local parks, play dates etc

Antibes1 · 19/05/2025 12:32

It is normal to be tired, frustrated and fed up with your toddler at times, but it's not normal to claim "I hate him" and "I regret that I had him".

My oldest one was full-on as a baby/toddler, always screaming, running and generally hyperactive and it was exhausting to look after him. I did 90% of childcare. DH changed an odd nappy and put him to bed from time to time. Mealtimes were a battle every time. I had very little sleep at that time, and I also worked as a freelancer, so it was very tough. I lost over 2 stone without trying, as frequently I didn't have time to cook or eat my lunch and usually spent whole day going for walks, as DS slept well in a pram/stroller. Mine didn't really like sleeping in their cots either, so we co-slept until they were 3-4 y.o. You have to reprogramme your mind - not everything goes with little kids the way it's described in the books/online. You have to find a way to muddle through and cope and stop fighting with the child and adjust your techniques to your child, especially as you don't get much help. So feed him, put him in a stroller when you know he will be sleepy and go for a long walk. Grab a coffee/lunch/ice-cream and sit down on a bench with a book. Enjoy little moments, because they grow so fast and - trust me - you will miss this time when they grow up.

For me, the real game-changer was a childminder I employed when DS was 18 months old. He went there 3x/week for 4 hours. Why don't you try this and start some freelancing/part-time work until your toddler goes to school? If your DH doesn't help with childcare, but you have the money, that's the best solution to keep your sanity.

Pickingdates · 19/05/2025 12:34

Go back to work full-time asap.
Toddler goes in nursery.
Don't have another child with that waster.

SunshineIdiot789 · 19/05/2025 12:39

Toddler needs to go to nursery. Most of us would be exhausted caring for a toddler 24/7, they are intense and relentless.

Original poster
fedupmomm · 19/05/2025 12:51

I absolutely hate my OH so much, he just dosent understand that I need to have a break and ME time.
Because all of his mates partners look after the kids 24/7 he believes I should as well as this is what I signed up for.

He is extremely selfish and I hate him, all he does when he is here is complain and moan I am so sick of him. He is useless.

I actually find my next door neighbour more helpful.

When DC was 8 months old he went away on holiday with his siblings and mates.

He goes for birthday dinners but I can’t do that as he expects me to take DC with me.

It is so one sided but any time I speak up “I am telling him what to do and controlling his life”.

OH does not want DC to go nursery because he doesn’t want a random person changing his nappy and says “Until DC can talk properly and understand things, I don’t want him going nursery or having random people look after him.”

OH doesent have a clue how to look after DC other than playing with him and changing his nappy.

He never cooks for DC, washes his clothes, absolutely nothing.

OP posts:
SeventeenClovesOfGarlic · 19/05/2025 13:00

Plan for your future, are you dependent on this boyfriend for money or housing?

It's never a good idea to not be in employment and depending on some man, especially being legally single.

Once you secure a job and housing, the man can choose whether or not the child attends nursery during his own contact time. (Which will presumably continue to be zero percent)

rainbowstardrops · 19/05/2025 13:04

Why is he working 7 days a week? Could that change?

Failing that, I agree with the posters who have said to hand over the child and bugger off for a couple of days. See how he likes it.

You’re exhausted. So take an enforced break

outerspacepotato · 19/05/2025 13:06

It doesn't sound like your marriage/relationship is going to last so maybe it's time for you to go back to work and put your child in daycare and get your ducks lined up for splitting up.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 19/05/2025 13:08

Are you married, OP?

theotherplace · 19/05/2025 13:08

How many months is he? People use toddler for such an age range but if he’s only just turned one that would be different advice to a 3 year old

Didimum · 19/05/2025 13:11

Toddlers are almost always a-holes. What you have here is a distinct partner problem. You need relationship counselling asap and if he won't engage or take you seriously, then I don't see what else you can do other than leave and claim maintenance and get a study agreement drawn up.

Unless he engages, this won't get better. You will grow more bitter, resentful and unhappy and be a poor parent to your child. Your child deserves at least one parents happy to be with him, and that can be you if get away from his useless excuse of a father.

Balloonhearts · 19/05/2025 13:12

Shed the 15 stone of dead weight and you'll feel better.

He's a useless, controlling, selfish lump. What good is he really? I'd split from him personally.

Singlemomofthree · 19/05/2025 13:13

Get rid of the ‘father’. He’s your problem not your little one. As someone who understands exactly how you feel regarding your little one, the world changed once i removed that problem from my life. look at getting him into nursery even if it’s just a few hours a day, is he old enough for the free 15hrs yet? . It will all seem even harder to start with but 3-6 months down line you will be smashing it! Take back control of your life for you and the little one!

MyPurpleHeart · 19/05/2025 13:16

One Saturday morning, you need to hand over DC to your OH, and just walk out the door. Take your headphones, or a book, or a coffee and go for a walk or lay in the sun somewhere. Don't ask, just do.

In the beginning my DH was very much like this until i forced him to get involved. Some men are raised to think that its all our job to look after the kids. When i explained to him that you either help out and give me a break sometimes, or i lose all respect for you and make you take 50/50 custody and you see me 0% of the time, he started taking charge.

Do you rely on him financially? IF not then what are you actually losing other than a grown man to look after