To be absolutely fed up of toddler?

[fedupmomm]

I am so fed up of my toddler, I don’t know what else to do.

OH works 7 days a week and does not help me with anything apart from give me money.

Toddler will not eat unless he has something to play with.
Screams constantly all the time when in the high chair.

Refuses to sleep in his cot.
Brushing his teeth is a big battle.

I am just so fed up.
I don’t have any time for myself at all, the last time I went to the hair dressers was in 2023.

OH is just awful and says because I am a mother this is what I signed up for.

Because he has never looked after DC on his own he really does not know or understand how hard it is.

I regret having him so bad and I hate feeling like this.

I don’t have depression I am just fed up, I am tired, I am frustrated from the lack of help and support from OH.

Because I feel like this OH says “Wow you have a beautiful son and you feel like this?”
He just dosent understand.

His life has stayed the same, he works, he see’s his friends, he goes out, he goes on holiday.

Since DC was 8 months old I have asked him to do more, but to no avail.

I just don’t know what to do anymore.
My parents live close and they do see me but I don’t want to ask them for help as they have their own problems with health.

AIBU to feel like this?

We live in a HA property, the house is in my name but he is listed as a “permitted occupier”.

He works 7 days a week as he wants to buy house for us and get a mortgage.

Im having family round this week to discuss my situation as it pointless speaking to him about it as he is just so narrow minded and selfish.

You are wrong.
the work load for the baby is identical as the op is doing everything.

then on top of that she is carrying the huge weight of resentment of having to live with a horrible useless man. She possibly does some stuff, like cooking or his laundry too, though I hope not.

the difference is HUGE.

my ex is not anywhere near as much of an arsehole as the ops is, but even so a simple job like loading the dishwasher I used to do seething with resentment that it really wasn’t my turn, and now I hum and dance with my music on.

do whatever you need to do to leave this relationship op.

You're fed up with the wrong person here. Your partner is a shit show who only cares about himself and you're blaming the inevitable frustration and exhaustion on your toddler, which is a pretty rubbish experience for the toddler. You would both be happier without the partner.

I agree with others that just having toys doesn’t mean they will be entertained. A lot of kids need someone else to play with/alongside. When DS was that age he would just trail about after me moaning until I either played with him or took him out somewhere. I think he needs nursery or toddler groups.

'H does not want DC to go nursery because he doesn’t want a random person changing his nappy and says “Until DC can talk properly and understand things, I don’t want him going nursery or having random people look after him.”'

Then he should look after the child some days

You and your child will both massively benefit from at least part time nursery. I used to think nursery was just because both parents have to work but both our children massively benefitted from going to nursery and both loved it

I don’t know how you don’t just walk out & close the door behind you once in a while. Phone on do not disturb and leave him to parent his child whilst you get a break. You can’t pour from an empty cup, and this is utterly unsustainable for you.
You’d be better off single, because at least then you wouldn’t have to put up with his abuse.

Your dh has no say in whether he goes to nursery or not since he’s not the one looking after him.
you could say -‘ I’m going to start work every Monday from now on. So either you look after ds or he’ll go to nursery, your choice.’

I'm seeing messages here saying he's probably bored and to send him nursery. I was very hands on until my extremely clingy second child came, and my lo started nursery and we go put and spend time playing together, doing whatever I'm doing together, sometimes he's in charge of play and I do whatever he wants, and it's made no change. Sorry, I think some ages just suck and you have to find ways that make it a little easier. Whatever that maybe, maybe its letting him sit on a chair for meals, maybe it's meals in the graden/Park, maybe its him wearing an apron and going crazy with paints so you have some down time, or water in the sink he's playing with whislt you sit in kitchen watching or working, maybe it's meeting others, maybe it's (sorry screen police) watching something you deem suitable together just for that break, maybe it sbatch cooling and easy meals. It's really hard and tough. I'm sorry about not getting that support from partner, see if you can find things to make your life easier.

Walk out for a couple of days. Longer if necessary. He needs to see what you're dealing with. It is worth it in the long run. No excuses. Just go.

Leave the bastard and get your child in nursery. You’ll feel like a new woman after a break and can find enjoyment in your child again.

This is a DH problem. Sorry he is being a prick.
I booked a weekend away when my first was 1. Dh was forced to step up and experience parenthood. It changed our dynamic quite a bit for the better
Nursery and a job for you is a must. Even if you just break even. You need that time away from being just mum 24/7 .

Your poor toddler is suffering, with you not liking him, because of his Dad being a dead beat twat, when are you going to leave and put him first?

No child deserves that resentment, because you're married to a prick.

I agree with this, we did similar, DH had to have the baby on his own, when he was 5 months old... he was a changed man when I returned from a hen party. They have to parent themselves.

Your OH is the problem, not your toddler!

Also OP you should 100% do this

Well whatever you do OP, DO NOT give up your HA property to move in with this man. Get yourself in a position where you can afford to live alone and remove him from the tenancy. He is a useless, selfish excuse for a dad and an arsehole of a partner.

So stuff and doorstep and tell him to leave

He is probably making extra work for u

Please ignore all the judgey comments here. This is MN, after all. I completely see why you're so overwhelmed and probably overstimulated. It is tough to fulfill every, single need of a toddler, with absolutely no time and support to fulfill your own.

I don't have any answers, just wanted to point out not to let the all singing, all dancing brigade on here drag you down even further than you already feel. Unfortunately, this is not the place to come for empty. Even though that's partly what it was designed for. To support, not criticise. Big hug x

Same. Sometimes being a single mum feels relentless, but I don't have a shitty useless lump of a twat cluttering up the place and ordering me around. I might have got lucky, but seeing what the specimen I procreated with is up to now because I dared apply to the CMS for child maintenance (😱 the audacity!) I'm glad I don't live with him.

Sometimes we don't like our children, babies and toddlers can be very very annoying! We still love them though.

Absoutely this! As long as you are not married he can kick you out of the house he has bought at any moment and he is the kind of person who would because he doesn't care about anyone but himself. Whatever you do, do not give up your HA place.

Okay.
This is going to be tough, but you CAN get free of him.

First, squirrel away some cash savings if you can, and stock up on food shopping, make sure toddler has clothes in the next size up, make sure your phone has lots of credit.

Then, tell him the relationship is over and ask him to move out.
He won't move out, but that is beside the point at this stage. (If he does go, great, change the locks and don't let him back).

Then, move into your toddlers room to sleep, or onto the sofa, if there is no spare bedroom.
Stop doing anything for him - no cooking, laundry, shopping. Shop only for yourself and toddler.
If you think there is any chance of him getting violent, or if he start to show signs of losing his temper, phone the police immediately. If you already know he is violent, phone them in advance as a first step to give them a head's up.

He will try to engage you in talking about it all, reconciliation, promising you the earth, promising it will all change - don't believe a word of it. He won't change. Stay strong and don't talk to him until he has moved out.

Next:
If you have joint bank accounts, contact the bank to get your name taken off, so they become just his accounts - you might want to take out half the money first. (If the accounts are overdrawn, you may have to pay money IN to get your name taken off, so ignore this step for now).
Get yourself a current bank account in your name if you don't already have one.

Then - tell the HA you have asked him to move out but he is refusing, and ask for their advice.
Then - put in a claim for Universal Credit as a single parent, and housing benefit for the rent and council tax (assuming you don't have over £16k saving in your name).
The UC may take a while to come through, so be prepared - hopefully you got some cash put aside at the start and stocked up. Can you use supermarket points for shopping? Can your family help out with shopping?

Then, put in a claim for child maintenance from him with the CMS - you can do this even if he is refusing to move out.

When you get some CM or UC coming in your name, then contact the utility companies, TV licence, Water, etc. and get it all put in your name, with Direct Debits coming from your bank account. Cancel anything you can do without, such as TV subscriptions. Change the Wi-Fi password.

Then, look at a long term plan - which will be you working while DC is in nursery then school. Look at childcare options ready for when you get a job.
He gets NO say in this.

Eventually, he will see the writing on the wall and move out. If he still doesn't, ask the HA and police for advice.
(Where he goes is really not your problem, so don't let it be an excuse that he has nowhere to go).

Best of luck.

Yes he expects me to give up this brand new build HA property to contribute towards a deposit for a house despite me not working.

I live in a very very nice area with a very low crime rate, good schools etc and he wants us to move to a city which has one of the most highest crime rates in the UK.

I love my DC to bits, but I am just exhausted and the constant screaming gives me a head ache.

I have had the same cold since April now as I don’t get any rest.

I am looking at nursery’s as well this week, I want DC to be happy, thriving and to have fun.

I think I am eligible for free 15 hours so I will look into applying for that once I find a suitable nursery place.

OH is always comparing me to his friends partners.

He rings up his mates and put there partner on loud speaker and asks them if “do you find it easy looking after a baby?”

Despite their babies being under a year old they reply “yes” which makes me feel like a complete failure.

Looking back now it was actually easier when DC was under 1 as he wasn’t mobile, didn’t have tantrums, didn’t resist to brush his teeth, wasn’t as mischievous.

These people just make it seem so easy.

I just told OH I want a break as I have had enough and to not bother coming back as my mum is going to stay over and help.
Now all of a sudden he wants to leave work early and come and help, I really don’t get him.

A master in manipulation OP.
This relationship is unhealthy. And for the love of God, do not give up your HA property to live with this man.

Now all of a sudden he wants to leave work early and come and help, I really don’t get him.

He is sensing that you are taking action, and he is determined to reel you back in to a position of dependency.
So he will do just enough to make sure you give up any ideas of getting regular help elsewhere, let alone actually ending the relationship.

If he does start helping, it won't last. He won't change. He will do just enough to keep you in your place.