To be absolutely fed up of toddler?

[fedupmomm]

I am so fed up of my toddler, I don’t know what else to do.

OH works 7 days a week and does not help me with anything apart from give me money.

Toddler will not eat unless he has something to play with.
Screams constantly all the time when in the high chair.

Refuses to sleep in his cot.
Brushing his teeth is a big battle.

I am just so fed up.
I don’t have any time for myself at all, the last time I went to the hair dressers was in 2023.

OH is just awful and says because I am a mother this is what I signed up for.

Because he has never looked after DC on his own he really does not know or understand how hard it is.

I regret having him so bad and I hate feeling like this.

I don’t have depression I am just fed up, I am tired, I am frustrated from the lack of help and support from OH.

Because I feel like this OH says “Wow you have a beautiful son and you feel like this?”
He just dosent understand.

His life has stayed the same, he works, he see’s his friends, he goes out, he goes on holiday.

Since DC was 8 months old I have asked him to do more, but to no avail.

I just don’t know what to do anymore.
My parents live close and they do see me but I don’t want to ask them for help as they have their own problems with health.

AIBU to feel like this?

Can you leave him? Even if he is still providing no childcare you'll be happier without the irritation of seeing him live his life exactly how he wants and telling you what to do. And that way you can choose to work and have your toddler attend nursery. Plus if OH does want to see him he can't demand you be there as well.

You’re burnt out and justifiably so, I’d concentrate on making your DH step up or shipping him out, getting your DC into nursery.

He useless as a parent.

This would be so unfair on the child.

No idea why people say this. If he's not interested in looking after the child now he certainly won't do ut if you diverce

If she wasn’t dealing with him, and just had herself and the toddler to consider life would be easier. She would be allowed to send him to nursery and have a job and a life of her own. Sometimes staying with a useless person is far worse than doing it alone.

It’s his child! Do you think it’s fair on the little one to have an exhausted fucked off mother? He needs to realise what she’s going through because otherwise nothing will change.

Hey op. If DH is preventing you from sending your child to nursery and preventing you from doing every day activities for yourself then it sounds like an abusive relationship to me. I hope you and your son are able to make a plan to leave.

OP reading this I think you may really want to consider getting out of this “relationship”.

It may force him to be a father if he has partial custody of his child as a single father - and you can have some time to rest and energise whilst your child stays with him.
But it may also mean that he may end up an absentee father if he decides it’s too difficult to have his child alone - this won’t help you but at least you won’t have a selfish man child living with you.

Take a look and see if there’s any organisations or schemes in your area that you could sign up for - for example in my area there’s a flying start scheme that children can attend for a few hours (without parents) from the age of two. Something like that would give you a break.

Go to your Health Visitor at your GP’s (UK) or your child’s health professional and tell them your struggles. They may be able to signpost you to organisations or schemes that can help and they can assess whether you toddler needs any assessments that could explain any specific behaviours.

Also reach out to your parents, even if they watched him whilst you napped or took bath etc, in the same house, so you’re there if they need you. It’s something to give a bit of space to recharge and rest.

You’re not alone in these feeling OP, and there are people out there who can help xx

Oh i fully agree. I did exactly that.

It's the attitude on here that if you divorce you get a break when the ex has the kids. Lovely if they do but no one can force them to.

My DDs dad hasn't seen her for night on 20 years now and they live 15 mins walk apart from each other.

Please leave your horrible oartner. He does not deserve you or your child.

Start saving money and make an exit plan. Do you have famiky support?

You have a DH problem. I guarantee if you get rid of him, most of your other problems will also disappear.

I’d suggest going back to work and putting him in childcare, even for part of the week. Having a child is a joint decision and your OH does not get to veto nursery when he is doing shit all to care for his own child.

OP only you can decide how long you are willing to put up with this. He is not going to change so you have to muster up the strength to change and push back and fight for your own autonomy. He is your partner not your parent.

Your feelings are normal given the circumstances. The problem is the lack of support from your partner.
He says you’re a mother so that’s what it entails. Well he’s a father, what does he think that entails?

You need to find a way to take back control over your life. As far as I can see you have 2 options:

1. have very stern words with your partner. You need time to yourself, like he has. Like for like - he gets an evening out, you get an evening out. He needs to step up- give him specific targets, like spending time one on one with toddler for x hours a week, having one afternoon a week family time etc.You have to be prepared to end the relationship if he doesn’t change. Otherwise there’s no way he will change. Set a timescale and stick to it no matter what he says. If you waver it will just go on the same forever.

2. just end the relationship. It seems like it could be easier in the long run. He doesn’t respect you. You’d have control over your own life and not have the same resentment. Your child has little/no interaction with his father as it is, so they would not miss out.

I'm really struggle to see why you are still with your OH. He literally brings nothing to the relationship. I assume he pays for most/everything and doesn't allow you to work? You need to get yourself a job sharpish (& yes that will mean using nursery and if he doesn't like it suggest he stays home & cares for DC!) and make a plan to leave this miserable situation before you child is old enough to be influenced by this pig of a man.

If you split there's also a vague chance he might actually step up to parent his child (although I wouldn't rely on that!)

Why are you with this man?

How old is your son. We're are your in laws in all this ? Would you consider going to work part time just for some adult interaction. Tell your husband he also signed up to be a parent .

Good on your mum!

Anyone would feel fed up with a 'partner' like this. He is a useless oaf, and he sounds abusive actually. There is nothing wrong at all with your toddler, you are focusing your frustration on your poor little boy when you should be directing it at his poor excuse for a father.

I think what your title should read is

to be absolutely fed up of DH

Toddler years are difficulty. I'm living them now as well. There are days that are so unbelievably hard and frustrating. But it's having a supportive and loving partner doing it with you that makes those difficult days manageable.

Your toddler is just being a toddler. Your DH is the problem.

OH is just awful and says because I am a mother this is what I signed up for.

Did OH not sign up to be a father, then?

Do give over. Being a single parent is ten times harder than anything OP is facing and will drive her to even more desperation. Rather than getting your entertainment encouraging people to end their relationships like it’s the answer for everything, perhaps offer some advice on how to be united and parent together as a team. Or just don’t say anything.

HTH.

It may not solve everything but I would leave too. There is zero love left between the two of you and he doesn't even seem to love his child.

I would get a job, send child to nursery (UC will help with childcare bills if your income is low) and try and get him to have the child at least some of the time. You need to have something and some time that is just yours. Even if you are at work during that time. It's a million times harder to live with a man who won't help and live with no man and no help.

I find this so difficult to picture. What's the cultural/class background of you and your partner?

This is a different thread to the one you started.

All this resentment is being directed at your DC. And he’ll feel it, believe me.

You sound like you’re really struggling and obviously need to find a resolution to your DH problems, but in the meantime you need shift your mindset to make sure you are taking good care, emotionally and physically, of your DS. You are all he has! And you’ve admitted here that you don’t like him and regret having him. Just think of the damage you are doing!

I don't think that is everyones experience. I have been a married parent with a useless H and a single parent and it was so much easier to go at it alone. Managing a disappointing adult man who is trying to work against you on top of trying to bring up children is much harder than not having them around.