To be absolutely fed up of toddler?

[fedupmomm]

I am so fed up of my toddler, I don’t know what else to do.

OH works 7 days a week and does not help me with anything apart from give me money.

Toddler will not eat unless he has something to play with.
Screams constantly all the time when in the high chair.

Refuses to sleep in his cot.
Brushing his teeth is a big battle.

I am just so fed up.
I don’t have any time for myself at all, the last time I went to the hair dressers was in 2023.

OH is just awful and says because I am a mother this is what I signed up for.

Because he has never looked after DC on his own he really does not know or understand how hard it is.

I regret having him so bad and I hate feeling like this.

I don’t have depression I am just fed up, I am tired, I am frustrated from the lack of help and support from OH.

Because I feel like this OH says “Wow you have a beautiful son and you feel like this?”
He just dosent understand.

His life has stayed the same, he works, he see’s his friends, he goes out, he goes on holiday.

Since DC was 8 months old I have asked him to do more, but to no avail.

I just don’t know what to do anymore.
My parents live close and they do see me but I don’t want to ask them for help as they have their own problems with health.

AIBU to feel like this?

Based on what? What a huge judgement you’ve made on the OP and not her husband who is neglecting his parental duty. Don’t have a pop at the mum - she’s the one doing it all and trying to survive! Such internalised sexism.

Did he agree to separate? Has he moved out?

I’m going to say - pick your battles with your toddler. If he hates the high chair try something else (small chair and table? Sit on your lap?). If he will eat when he has something to play with consider what might work for you to accommodate this. Teeth - non negotiable that they are done but something he enjoys to follow. Does he have to sleep in a cot? My granddaughter is 21 months. She has very strong ideas about what she wants and doesn’t want and has lots of big feelings (DD & granddaughter live with us). She also gets frustrated when she can’t explain to us what the issue is. She has words but not enough yet. If we can we accommodate her. Sometimes we can distract her. She is happier more of the time and so are the adults around her.

Not sure if there is one in your area but a charity called HOME-START helps to support families with children under 5. Volunteers come to your house and help once a week for a few hours. They are amazing, life changing some say! You can speak to your health visitor and can be referred through them.

I wasn’t having a pop. And if you read the OPs update, she admits her child is probably bored and has been much better today after attending a class with her.

Wind your neck in.

Your OH sounds horrible and controlling! Was he not like this before children? Men like this are misogynistic “women belong in the kitchen” types and he sounds like he is around a bad bunch that encourage this as a norm.

I would see it as a red flag if a man stopped me doing anything. And if he can’t take his own child for a few hours. I know there is a dark part in society that tells men that looking after their own kids isn’t their job, and sometimes as women we have to show then it is. I would definitely walk out and leave the baby with him.

Persoanlly when my toddler is going wild, I put him in the pushchair and we just go for a walk. It’s the only practical tip I can give you that works for me everytime. I’m glad you found some playgroups. Having a bunch of mumfriends that are real and that you can rant with are a God send during these times.

Please, please please keep your house, and take your parents help. Don’t give in to your partner who sounds selfish, controlling and abusive, or likely to become so shortly. And definitely don’t give him any money for this house he wants to buy, that you don’t want. If you are not married and it’s not his house you are in, you are in a good position. Don’t let this drag on until you are completely ground down. Chuck him out! If he works all the time, goes away by himself and doesn’t help when he’s at home it sounds like you won’t miss him.It may be hard at first anyway without his financial support but many women have managed with even less support, and still been happier. You should be able to get child support through www.gov.uk/child-maintenance-service
You and your son will get through this!

You aren't fed up with your toddler, you are fed up with your other half! He is ruining this experience for you. You should be enjoying it but you can't because he is being a lazy fucker. Put the toddlers food on the coffee table and let him run around while he eats. Bring toddler into bed with you, and kick OH out of bed (and house!) if you get him to leave he will have to pay maintenance and would get custody probably 1 day a week so at least you would get one day off. If he leaves you can get your parents to help. There is no coming back from this level of resentment. Nip it in the bud.

In what ways is being with this man making OP’s life better than it would be if she was a single parent?

That’s great - you just need to go to a class or group most mornings & then out for some air in the afternoon. At that age they just need wearing out with lots of chance to run about & get fresh air. I remember a colleague saying toddler boys are like Labrador dogs.

He will make some friends too if you go back to the same group regularly.

Can your parents take him an afternoon a week to help out? It’s good for him to spend time with them if they are interested in seeing him.

Good to hear things are better for today.
As the title of your thread is about the toddler, that is what people will keep replying to without reading your updates. You might want to start a new thread for advice about your partner.
I hope all goes well for you.

Bringing in money.

Apart from that he seems pretty useless

Great to see you’re feeling better today @fedupmomm

Im going to gently say, your dc might well be happier because your (ex?)dh isn’t there and everyone (you, your mum) is more relaxed too.

I haven’t read all the replies so I may be repeating what others have said.

I'm so glad you feel a little better, i have a just turned 2 year old and also a partner who was horrendous in the beginning, he’s better now but I will never feel the same for him.

The booster seat is a great idea, I did that with mine and he is so much better, although he still only sits for 5/10mins, I’ve found this stage just to give him constant snacks (real food) as he prefers that to full meals atm.

Also put him in a bed, and he sleeps better in that, than the cot.

You can use your free hours towards a childminder too.

Problem solving toys work well with my son, like padlocks and keys, or different cups and jugs etc he can pot water between, he may only sit for 10mins but it’s stimulation and a little quiet time for you.

Keep going you’re doing great, forget what ‘friends’ are saying, I doubt it’s all rainbows for them.

Well done for recognising the real problem - and the fact you feel trapped and exhausted will have an impact on your toddler.

You are entitled to also have a life. Nursery is a JOINT decision, so if he is not willing to allow your toddler to go to nursery, he will then need to reduce his own working days to do childcare so you can return to work.

You could put him in nursery for 3 mornings a week then get a job as a TA in a school? That way you can earn some money, have some freedom, and get all the school holidays free too.

My DS1 was a grumpy toddler! He just needed LOTS of stimulation and hated being at home for too long. He LOVED nursery as there were lots of other people to interact with.

I agree with you.

I always think two year olds come under the category of 'terrible twos' is because at that age they are learning about life, about how to stand their ground, how to measure the patience of the adults around them. Their brains are telling them to find out things.

They drive us mad making a noise, like banging on the upturned saucepan with a spoon. They already have learned that adults don't like it, and it is a very useful tool to use to see how far they can go before the adult says: 'enough is enough' and takes the object making the noise away. It isn't just the noisy things either. It is an age of experimenting.

Trying to be patient and letting them make that noise isn't always wise. They haven't learned what patience is, even though their crafty little minds can deduce other things.

The longer you tolerate it, the more you will suffer in the future. Let them know that your patience can run out, even when it isn't.

Your husband is the problem. Not your child. It’s tough and you do sound depressed. Rightly so! You deserve a life too. Give your husband an ultimatum

@fedupmommit’s lovely to hear you’re getting some help from your parents. I really hope you can get rid of your partner, who is frankly being abusive, emotionally and financially. Talking about reducing the money he makes available to you if your child goes to nursery is absolutely out of order. If he had real concerns about you as a parent, he would do more. But he doesn’t because he has none and he is an absolute dickhead.

Best of luck with your future.

Stte
Why is your partner working 7 days a weeks?
Why are you not working?
Surely he could cut down to 5 days and you could do 2?
Why put yourself in a position that could mean your totally dependant on him financially?

As others have said, this really does sound like coercive control complete with long term plan to increase the level of control by making you lose your current secure housing and going into a mortgage with no income if your own. Your parents sound great, the help will give you a bit of space think about your next steps really carefully.

Pick your battles with the toddler and dump the OH.

If they don’t like the high chair and like something to play with while eating is that really a problem? Get a small table and chair and let them sit like mummy.

My toddler moved to a standard single bed with a bed guard at 15 months old as she hated her cot. She also slept in our bed most nights after about 3am so we could all get some sleep.

She is now 17 and hasn’t slept in our bed since she was about 7/8.

When they are little forget about what everyone says you ‘should’ do and just do what keeps you all sane.

Toddlers are intense! I didn’t like the newborn stage myself but I am much more into the toddler bit because you get the interaction. With food, try mixing it up - have a picnic in the garden or on the lounge floor, go out for some lunch and if your child eats, they eat, if not then just try again later. Our little one will not eat well at all when she’s overtired so timing meals is crucial. She decided not to nap today 🫠 so dinner was bedlam. But tomorrow will be a new day.
Definitely investigate nursery/childminder/preschool to give you a break but also it’s great for your toddlers development. My little one has come on so well from seeing other children eat, use cutlery, talk etc

So why on earth are you with him? 🙄

Ditch this man. He’s no good for you and doesn’t have your best interests at heart. You are better than him! Get rid honestly you deserve an actual partner and he is holding you back and Is well on the path to emotionally and financially abusing you @fedupmomm . He knows you are at your weakest now with the least options- take the help from your parent and find a job you enjoy- do not give up your house or move for him; kick him out and stand strong!! X

Be aware that when you start making moves to leave or even talking about leaving, he will turn on the charm, suddenly become more available and willing to help. Don’t fall for it, he’s already shown you who he is and it’s all just tactics to control you. Good luck to you….remember it takes a village to raise a child, go out and find your village x