To be absolutely fed up of toddler?

[fedupmomm]

I am so fed up of my toddler, I don’t know what else to do.

OH works 7 days a week and does not help me with anything apart from give me money.

Toddler will not eat unless he has something to play with.
Screams constantly all the time when in the high chair.

Refuses to sleep in his cot.
Brushing his teeth is a big battle.

I am just so fed up.
I don’t have any time for myself at all, the last time I went to the hair dressers was in 2023.

OH is just awful and says because I am a mother this is what I signed up for.

Because he has never looked after DC on his own he really does not know or understand how hard it is.

I regret having him so bad and I hate feeling like this.

I don’t have depression I am just fed up, I am tired, I am frustrated from the lack of help and support from OH.

Because I feel like this OH says “Wow you have a beautiful son and you feel like this?”
He just dosent understand.

His life has stayed the same, he works, he see’s his friends, he goes out, he goes on holiday.

Since DC was 8 months old I have asked him to do more, but to no avail.

I just don’t know what to do anymore.
My parents live close and they do see me but I don’t want to ask them for help as they have their own problems with health.

AIBU to feel like this?

Resentment is building and because you’re alone with your child it’s coming out wonky. You’re projecting.

The real problem is that you married a slip of man (not your fault, this is how we raise men in our society which is why women are opting out)

Bet he was a different man before you was trapped. None of this is accident, this is the real guy.

Won’t be this way forever, just start making moves to get out of there with your son. The man has no respect for you or your child.

put the toddler in part time nursery OP and get your life back a little. Better for the child as well, you will be more rested, child gets time with focused adults and other children.

Do you really mean it when you say you regret having him? That's quite concerning.

I don't understand why you are aiming this thread at your poor toddler and not the obvious problem.

Who would actually want to leave a child with this man? He could not safely look after the child. He’s obviously got mental health issues! He’s not a normal dad and I bet he was like this before baby too. He’s not going to change so op must leave. Definitely get her parents involved.

Geniune question: does your son look like your Dh and are you projecting?

Also how old?

With mealtimes i often just put a lunch plate on a stool or tge ground and let the kids potter and come back to it as and when.

YANBU, but I wonder how much of his behaviour is due to exhaustion? Until you get sleep sorted, it wouldn't surprise me if he will continue with some challenging behaviours. Some of what you describe is normal toddler stuff, but at the same time if he isn't sleeping well that will exacerbate EVERYTHING.

Not to mention getting you some space and rest to actually get proper sleep and have a bit of downtime. You said he doesn't sleep in his cot, where is he sleeping atm and what's his sleep pattern like?

Bedtime shouldn't need to be an awful battle. I highly recommend looking at sleep training so you can ensure he's getting good quality stretches of restful sleep. Then you can tackle everything else.

Caring for a baby is much easier than a toddler. That still wouldn't show them how difficult it is!

Let me guess, you are financially dependent on this useless "OH" ?

You need an exit strategy, as this is not going to get any better is it?

No it doesn't help does it.
OP is doing everything herself, her husband won't do ANYTHING, forbids her from using childcare for a break, she's said her next door neighbour is more use than him. She resents her husband, can't stand him and this is having an impact on her relationship with her DC as she is on her knees right now. So yes splitting from her husband and Becoming a single parent and using childcare for a break would be much better than how she's feeling right now.
And I was a single parent so I know it's not all fun and games but both mine and my kids lives improved when I split with their dad. Massively so.

you need to split up with him, get a job, put your child in nursery! put in a claim for maintenance from the dad! if you aren't together anymore then he has no say over whether your child goes to nursery during your time or not! hes a controlling arse

Personally I didn't find being a single parent harder ( slightly different scenerio) BUT my ex never paid child maintenance nor looked after the kids so that's not a guarantee

What did he believe he was signing up for when he chose to have a child? Did he honestly believe it involved no input from him whatsoever? If so, what does he believe a family looks like? Working 7 days a week is probably only necessary because he doesn't want to be a family on any downtime and because financially he needs to work more hours to support you all as he refuses to let you child go into childcare. I do understand people who believe that childcare isnt necessary for the child before age 3, but in your case it is necessary because you are not even getting a break outside of working hours. If all of his friends are the same then they share his views on family and parenthood, perhaps he needs to look at people who do things differently to his friends. If he expects you to take your toddler to any social event you're invited to and refuses to parent them whilst you go and get your hair done, it's really not ok. I agree with pp that you need to sit him down and be firm with him, highlighting how you are feeling but also the huge impact on your child of having a completely uninvolved dad who never spends time with him. You need to make clear requests eg 1 evening a week to spend as you want (social, gym, hair, doing nothing) and that he reduces his hours to allow for family time and a break for you. If that is not financially feasible you should return to work and arrange childcare or him to plug the gap. Yes plenty of single parents have it this hard but the point is you are not a single parent and there is no excuse for his selfishness. If he refuses then I would personally want to leave but appreciate it isn't all that easy. I also agree that you need to split up your day and direct your toddlers energy for at least some of it, freeplay with toys 24/7 will lead to boredom.

I think the problem is your OH and lack of support sadly- so no wonder you feel like you do.

Your toddler sounds completely normal...

In the first instance, send your DC to nursery. Tell your OH that unless he is planning to get off his arse, he has precisely zero say in who looks after your child. Tbh this sounds a bit like a controlling tactic.

What is your job/money/housing situation?

I get that it's easier to direct your problems towards your toddler, rather than face the real issue, which is your husband/relationship. You won't solve anything if you keep trying to fix the wrong problem. Its unfair on your child who is effectively being blamed for the fact that they have a shit dad, and a mum who is not holding him accountable.

She is obviously depressed. Leave her alone.

@OhCalmTheFuckDownMargaret OP may as well be a single parent. She would be entitled to free childcare too if she lives in England.

Op hugs to you. Baby and toddler years are the worst, shittiest, relentless ones. I loathed it and just counted down to age 4 when life became bearable again.
I’m a sahm and my toddler goes to nursery half days every day. I would not cope otherwise. I don’t feel an ounce of guilt and love my time on my own. It makes me a better mother to have that break before the kids are home.
your dp is pathetic and a poor excuse for a partner and father: don’t worry what he says, nursery will do your child a world of good.

My kids were the same. Would not play with a thing on their own for a second, constantly all over me, no amount of days out or activities would keep them stimulated enough as when they got home it was relentless. Because they knew it was me, they could just make everything a battle.

school got them into a good routine, they ate much better, formed friends who they actually recognise instead of random kids at play groups etc. our school has themes every week and my toddler has learnt SO much, I could never do that at home. Neither do I want to. Nursery saved me both times with my kids.

do yourself a favour and put your child in nursery even for a part time week and you will be much happier.

Your op is awful. He is controlling you and I'd suggest his behaviour is emotional abuse. He is the issue not a completely normal toddler.

Book your dc into nursery, your partner doesn't need fo agree. Won't you get free sessions?

Plan to leave. Your life may be more difficult financially but 100% better in every other respect.

Put him in nursery and go back to work.
And make sure your contraception is watertight.

could you move in with your parents and then use child support to pay for childcare while you also work?

As others have said, your issue is two-pronged.
Your OHs is a useless baggage, He needs to step up to look after toddler and you need time back for yourself. He can't live like he was pre-kids, it just doesn't work that way. Everyone can have a night out now and again with their mates but that applies to both, the other stays in or you get a babysitter if out together.

Re the toddler, they need more stimulation. When mine were that age we did soft play, met up with friends with children (for both our sanity), went to playground, did music classes and playgroups etc. My DS in particular was not an easy toddler at all, ie, my DD I could take to music groups and she'd sit nicely, DS would run around like a maniac but he was better outside when he could run off energy and playgroup suited him more as it was free play and he was more sociable in general.

They both did a couple of long mornings in nursery by the time they were 18 months- 2 years (my memory is a bit hazy as they are now in their early 20s). That's when I got all my shit done! DH was good but he's always had a full-on job and we didn't really have daytime family help (GPs would help babysit ).

Echo pp. If he is self employed start gaining evidence of income and plan to leave. Then you can get child into nursery and get some independence back. See citizens advice bureau about what you're entitled to to support you back to independence. Good luck.

Chuck him out. An empty space would have more use.