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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Not to buy my brother's static caravan

223 replies

Ineedtocheckmylist · 18/05/2025 22:49

For context my DH & me are not wealthy, but we both have decent pensions (DH retired, me partially retired) & a fair bit in savings as when we got married we both sold our family-sized houses & bought a 2 bed bungalow.

My parents used to buy antique items at auction and, many years ago had some very nice pieces of furniture, antique rugs etc.

Brother lives about 2 hour's drive away. When my parents were alive I lived about 10 minute's walk away from them, but have since moved to somewhere close in the area.

My brother, although he earns a good salary, & owns a large house split into 2 flats (one rented out), but has a large mortgage as he had to buy his Xpartner out - twice as they got back together having split up.

I have a difficult relationship with my brother as I cared for my parents when they were sick, he did absolutely nothing until mum died & swept down, changed the locks & took anything of real value leaving me to clear the rest.

But, my parents have been dead for nearly 5 years now & we have started repairing our relationship meeting occasionally for lunch, email each other & I would like to continue that.

When my mother died (9 months after my father) he accused me of stealing things from the house that my parents got rid of many years ago. He was such a rare visitor that he didn't remember that they'd had to get rid of things like coffee tables & the nice rugs as they were a trip hazard for my father who had Parkinson's. He also accused me of stealing my mother's clothes (she was 2 sizes bigger than me), items of jewellery & of making a mess of the house in the process. He didn't understand that my parents were so ill that they never bothered to put anything away & the mess that the house was in was the mess that they lived in. When I said that he said that I should have cleared the house up for them. But when I visited (every morning & evening - whilst working full-time, to help get my father up, fed & then to get them their evening meal & help my father to bed, sometimes been called to them in the middle of the night when daddy had a fall) my mother would get very cross if I tried to tidy up saying that it was her house & I had no right to tidy after her - something that I respected. So I limited myself to making sure that everything in the fridge & kitchen cupboards was in date while I was cooking for them & keeping the kitchen & bathrooms clean.

My brother has a static caravan on the coast near where DH & me live. He's pressurising me to buy it from him. I've said that we have no need of it. Brother has provided evidence that it's giving a fairly good rental income & that it would be somewhere for DH's children & grandchildren to enjoy. I have no GC of my own, but regard DH's as mine.

I'm saying that I don't want the bother of it. Brother is pressurising me by saying that he's in financial straights & it would be a way of helping him out. I'm saying that he's an adult & his financial circumstances are his problem. Afterall he got a not-unsubstantial inheritance from our parents (as did I). Also if it's giving such a good rental income, he should hang on to it as it will give him the money that he says he needs.

DH is saying if I want to buy it from my personal money that's my choice. But I'm thinking if it's such a good deal why is my brother getting rid?

I think that I can guess what MN friends will say, but I don't want to put a further barrier between my brother & me.

So AIBU to tell my brother no thank you & risk deepening the rift? We're talking about him selling the caravan that is about 8 years old for £15K.

OP posts:
doodahdayy · 18/05/2025 22:51

Tell this awful man to fuck off.

Treviarpelli · 18/05/2025 22:53

Don’t do it, he can sell it to someone else if it’s that good. He sounds like an arse

SinnerBoy · 18/05/2025 22:54

You've answered your own question:

If it's such a money spinner, why does HD want to sell it? Because it's actually costing him money.

Don't give in, don't buy it.

Headabovetheparapets · 18/05/2025 22:56

Please do not be bullied into buying his van off him, it will not be in your best interests.
As you have said it will be an extra bother that you don’t want.
It is not your responsibility to sort out his finances.

Ineedtocheckmylist · 18/05/2025 22:57

SinnerBoy · 18/05/2025 22:54

You've answered your own question:

If it's such a money spinner, why does HD want to sell it? Because it's actually costing him money.

Don't give in, don't buy it.

This is exactly what DH has said - DH said if I have that kind of money going spare we can take GC on a Caribbean cruise. 😎

OP posts:
sesquipedalian · 18/05/2025 22:57

OP, don’t let your brother guilt you into buying a static caravan that you neither want nor need. Tell him if he wants to get rid of it to advertise it on the open market. If it’s bringing in as good a return as he says, he should have no problem selling it.

Cadenza12 · 18/05/2025 22:57

Don't do it, he's not out to do you any favours.

PhilomenaPunk · 18/05/2025 22:58

You are not the one putting a further barrier between your brother and yourself. He is.

You are trying to repair your relationship despite his awful treatment of you and want nothing from him but his company. He, meanwhile, is on the make, and is trying to bully you into buying something you don’t want or need so that he can make money off you, just like he did with your parents. Do not give him the satisfaction. Tell him he can sell it on the open market-why does he need you to buy it? Because he can bully you into accepting a higher price than it’s worth and you won’t say anything. You deserve better than that OP.

YearlySubscriptionRenewal · 18/05/2025 23:00

He's a user.

It was his choice not to check on your parents and not to be aware of their situations.

You don't have to kill yourself for him!

The rift is because of HIM. He will always find you when he needs you, and there will be a rift when you are of no use to him

AnneLovesGilbert · 18/05/2025 23:00

I can’t believe you’ve been making an effort to be closer to such a horrible person. He’s awful! If the relationship can’t withstand you declining his shite offer/request it’s worth nothing.

Come on, you know he’s a dick, cut the selfish arsehole off.

TwentyKittens · 18/05/2025 23:01

Why on earth do you want a relationship with this vile man?

He hasn't changed any since he did you over when your parents died. He's just trying to do it again.

JacquesHarlow · 18/05/2025 23:01

I have never ever seen see such unanimous decision after so many votes but here you are OP… you are NOT being unreasonable. He 100% is!

NotMe1981 · 18/05/2025 23:02

Dear (Arsehole) Brother,

I’ve thought about it and would not get enough use out of the caravan to be interested in buying it, and I much prefer to holiday abroad. I’m sure you’ll sell it no problem though, as it’s clearly profitable to own.

Yours,

Ineed

He can’t really argue with that without admitting that it isn’t profitable, which I’m sure is the reality. My mum owns one and it’s a money pit, even renting out pretty much all year there’s no money to be made from owning it.

JacquesHarlow · 18/05/2025 23:02

The image I forgot to post

Not to buy my brother's static caravan
ICouldHaveCheckedFirst · 18/05/2025 23:02

My DDad was self-employed.
When my DB set up as self-employed in a trade, DDad gave him one piece of advice: Beware friends and relatives.

I think that holds here. Buying the caravan will only complicate your relationship with your DB. Tell him you don't want to mix business and pleasure/family.

I wish you luck.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 18/05/2025 23:03

Why are you so worried about deepening the rift when he clearly doesn’t give a shit about you? You don’t mention any other siblings so I’m guessing he is your last living blood relative, so I do understand why you feel the need for a connection, but try to take a step back and look at the situation objectively. Do you honestly believe he’d do the same for you? He appears to only care about you in the respect of what use you are to him. Put simply, he’s not a nice person. I get that he’s your brother, but he’s just not a nice person. Has he always bullied you like this?

InterestedDad37 · 18/05/2025 23:04

If you don't want it, don't buy it. Sounds like he doesn't want it ... not sure why he would pressure you to buy it unless he's trying to rip you off ... which isn't nice to think about, I realise, but ...
Hope your relationship continues to mend (but it sounds like it's you who is doing the work).

TiswasPhantomFlanFlinger · 18/05/2025 23:04

Do not buy this caravan off him.
Is it on a park? If it is you need to be aware that some holiday parks only let you keep a caravan on their park until it is a certain age and then they try to make you sell it, remove it and buy a new one. Also some of the service charges can be very high.

GenerousGardener · 18/05/2025 23:04

First post nailed it.

Fruitbat99 · 18/05/2025 23:05

If it's so good, someone else will snap it up.

My family have owned statics and they are a nightmare. The fees are ridiculous these days and holiday makers wreck them.

Also not sure why anyone would buy a holiday home near ro where they live.

Ineedtocheckmylist · 18/05/2025 23:05

Thank you MNers. I needed a reality check & I got one. I guess that I have to accept that my brother is a CF & maybe I don't need that. He's my younger brother & when we were younger I always looked out for him. Time for him to grow up.

I'm drafting an email to tell him thanks, but no I won't be buying his caravan. God only knows what he did with all the money that he made from the pictures, antique books, Staffordshire figures, Clarice Cliff sets etc that he took from our parent's house. I suspect that his ex benefited as she stuck around for just long enough before she left him for the second time.

OP posts:
ButterCrackers · 18/05/2025 23:06

Tell him no you won’t buy it from him. Tell him to sell it by advertising it. He’s trying to rip you off. There could be an undisclosed problem. Don’t get involved. Be ready for his rants and demands. Ignore.

pinkdelight · 18/05/2025 23:06

Obviously don’t buy it. Dont even have to conversation about it. You’ve said no and it’s beyond rude that he’s ignoring that and telling you what to do. You owe him nothing and he has no right to try to manipulate and undermine you. Just cut that subject dead if he brings it up again. “I’m not buying the caravan.” On repeat, till it gets into his thick/sly head.

AdoraBell · 18/05/2025 23:08

YANBU. Don’t be pushed to buy it. He can sell it to anyone who would buy it.

Createausername1970 · 18/05/2025 23:09

TiswasPhantomFlanFlinger · 18/05/2025 23:04

Do not buy this caravan off him.
Is it on a park? If it is you need to be aware that some holiday parks only let you keep a caravan on their park until it is a certain age and then they try to make you sell it, remove it and buy a new one. Also some of the service charges can be very high.

This was what I was going to say. If it's on a holiday camp they usually have an age limit on privately owned mobile homes.

I wouldn't buy it anyway.