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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Not to buy my brother's static caravan

223 replies

Ineedtocheckmylist · 18/05/2025 22:49

For context my DH & me are not wealthy, but we both have decent pensions (DH retired, me partially retired) & a fair bit in savings as when we got married we both sold our family-sized houses & bought a 2 bed bungalow.

My parents used to buy antique items at auction and, many years ago had some very nice pieces of furniture, antique rugs etc.

Brother lives about 2 hour's drive away. When my parents were alive I lived about 10 minute's walk away from them, but have since moved to somewhere close in the area.

My brother, although he earns a good salary, & owns a large house split into 2 flats (one rented out), but has a large mortgage as he had to buy his Xpartner out - twice as they got back together having split up.

I have a difficult relationship with my brother as I cared for my parents when they were sick, he did absolutely nothing until mum died & swept down, changed the locks & took anything of real value leaving me to clear the rest.

But, my parents have been dead for nearly 5 years now & we have started repairing our relationship meeting occasionally for lunch, email each other & I would like to continue that.

When my mother died (9 months after my father) he accused me of stealing things from the house that my parents got rid of many years ago. He was such a rare visitor that he didn't remember that they'd had to get rid of things like coffee tables & the nice rugs as they were a trip hazard for my father who had Parkinson's. He also accused me of stealing my mother's clothes (she was 2 sizes bigger than me), items of jewellery & of making a mess of the house in the process. He didn't understand that my parents were so ill that they never bothered to put anything away & the mess that the house was in was the mess that they lived in. When I said that he said that I should have cleared the house up for them. But when I visited (every morning & evening - whilst working full-time, to help get my father up, fed & then to get them their evening meal & help my father to bed, sometimes been called to them in the middle of the night when daddy had a fall) my mother would get very cross if I tried to tidy up saying that it was her house & I had no right to tidy after her - something that I respected. So I limited myself to making sure that everything in the fridge & kitchen cupboards was in date while I was cooking for them & keeping the kitchen & bathrooms clean.

My brother has a static caravan on the coast near where DH & me live. He's pressurising me to buy it from him. I've said that we have no need of it. Brother has provided evidence that it's giving a fairly good rental income & that it would be somewhere for DH's children & grandchildren to enjoy. I have no GC of my own, but regard DH's as mine.

I'm saying that I don't want the bother of it. Brother is pressurising me by saying that he's in financial straights & it would be a way of helping him out. I'm saying that he's an adult & his financial circumstances are his problem. Afterall he got a not-unsubstantial inheritance from our parents (as did I). Also if it's giving such a good rental income, he should hang on to it as it will give him the money that he says he needs.

DH is saying if I want to buy it from my personal money that's my choice. But I'm thinking if it's such a good deal why is my brother getting rid?

I think that I can guess what MN friends will say, but I don't want to put a further barrier between my brother & me.

So AIBU to tell my brother no thank you & risk deepening the rift? We're talking about him selling the caravan that is about 8 years old for £15K.

OP posts:
rosiebl · 19/05/2025 07:22

Don’t buy it OP. If you do, he will no doubt be back soon asking to use it, then he will start letting others use it, then suddenly you will be paying ground rent for your brother to use his caravan because he’s forgotten he’s sold it to you.

MyDeftDuck · 19/05/2025 07:24

Considering the recent concerns regarding holiday homes and the devaluation of them etc I would refuse to buy it!
He is a bully who has made bad choices and wants your financial help to bail him out……..DO NOT DO IT!

NewsdeskJC · 19/05/2025 07:25

Just don't. Friends were pressured to buy the one owned by parents. It was a huge mistake. Everyone wanted to carry on using it for free, and it cost them money they didn't have in fees.
Ruined a number of previously sound relationships.

JustGoClickLikeALightSwitch · 19/05/2025 07:26

Send a very neutral and excuse-free "No thank you! Not something we're considering."

ChocolateCinderToffee · 19/05/2025 07:30

I live in an area where there are a lot of static caravan sites and believe me, they are not the answer to cheap holidays unless they are somewhere that you really love and not an easy way to make money. The service fees can be enormous.

SwanOfThoseThings · 19/05/2025 07:42

Heck, no. The caravan has clearly become a millstone round his neck - don't let it become your millstone.

MeridianB · 19/05/2025 07:49

He was vile to your parents when they were alive and vile to you before and after they passed away. Now still trying to guilt trip and manipulate you to his advantage. What possible benefit does this man bring to your life?

He has shown you who he is. No one would blame you for blocking and moving on.

Pickingdates · 19/05/2025 07:50

Stop trying to repair your relationships with a selfish cheeky fxxker user.

Thats all he is.
He is completely dishonest and dishonourable.

I wouldn't trust him as far as I'd throw him.

Be very wary of him OP.

Do not get involved with him in any way financially and I think you should step back and drop the rope with him.

Enthusiasticcarrotgrower · 19/05/2025 07:53

Not sure which way to vote as I think you’re being unreasonable to even consider this.

Nice that the relationship has rekindled if that’s what you want, although I’m amazed you’ve forgiven him for accusing you of stealing. But you can’t have a relationship with him at all costs, that will only continue if you give him absolutely everything he wants including buying something from him you don’t want for a huge sum of money. He will only end up wanting something else from you.

It sounds like you’re scared of him. Just say no. A polite no. If that’s the end of the relationship it’s not worth having.

YourSignalFadedIntoAnotherWorld · 19/05/2025 08:06

Snugglemonkey · 18/05/2025 23:23

I picked YABU. For having the obnoxious fucker in your life at all.

This. 100%.

Just refuse to discuss it further. If there are 'consequences' for that for you, go NC. They are nothing but trouble and he is trying to shift it for that reason.

IsItSnowing · 19/05/2025 08:17

Don't buy it. You already know really that you shouldn't. Those static caravans never make any money and can become a money drain.
But regardless of that, you owe your brother nothing. His behaviour has been appalling. I wouldn't worry about repairing your relationship, I'd cut him out of your life completely.

AthWat · 19/05/2025 08:22

If it's such a good deal, then anybody looking for an investment will give him more for it than he's asking you, so he'd have no need to pressure you.
I mean it's plainly not a good deal. Tell him to fuck off. He is trying to rob you, and he knows he's trying to rob you. Being nice about it simply gives him the impression that you don't know. Don't react angrily but say "you're trying to take advantage of me and I know that, so stop" and if he pretends to get angry, then simply dismiss it. It's just another part of the con trick.

Chicken5ausage · 19/05/2025 08:31

Surely anyone can buy it, it sure why it needs to be you. Tell him to buy a breast augmentation. He doesn’t want one, he doesn’t need one, so presumably his answer is no. Same for you with the poxy caravan.

NiceoneSonny · 19/05/2025 08:31

Of course you shouldn't be pressurised into buying a caravan from your "D"B. But the main issue is, why do you want to have a relationship with someone who has ripped you off and treated you with contempt? Why are you trying to build bridges with such a man? You do know that the only reason he wants a bridge to you is so that he can cross it, trample all over your boundaries and metaphorically (if not actually) steal your silver?

WhyamIinahandcartandwherearewegoing · 19/05/2025 08:33

doodahdayy · 18/05/2025 22:51

Tell this awful man to fuck off.

Yes. He can sell it to someone else. What a dick.

NiceoneSonny · 19/05/2025 08:35

Oh, and for sure, if you did buy the caravan, he'd be demanding to still use it; and, given past form, I have no doubt pressurising you to let his acquaintances use it while he pockets a rental fee from them.

Toootss · 19/05/2025 08:35

Noooooo - you’re retired do NOT lumber yourself with anything that needs, maintenance, supervision, extra tax declarations, is used by strangers who might trash it etc etc etc
Noooooo

caringcarer · 19/05/2025 08:40

OP static caravan owners have to pay sight fees every year and they are often £3k pounds a year. They also lose valuue far faster than cars. Tell your brother you don't want a static caravan. He'll be able to sell it without too much trouble if he's kept it in good condition. He won't get back what he wants though. He could always sell back to site owner. It's not your problem. Your brother sounds vile and I can't understand why you want a relationship with him. Don't let him bully you I to buying it.

TesChique · 19/05/2025 08:42

This is why Rita didn't buy the rovers for Bet if I recall. If it was such a good money spinner why was she in such financial straits

She was right then, and you're right now.

hididdlyho · 19/05/2025 08:43

YANBU I imagine he's struggling to find a buyer for a 8 year old van on a site. It's probably reached it's shelf life and he has to find a new buyer or pay someone to collect it for scrap. I don't believe for a second it's a good investment, otherwise he'd have people queuing up to buy it wouldn't he?! We looked at buying one on a site a few years ago and the cost and site stipulations were ridiculous; it would basically feel like burning money.

If you've already told him no you don't want to buy it, I would just ignore any other messages he sends about it. Otherwise he'll see any further interaction as an opportunity to try to change your mind.

Circular00Route · 19/05/2025 08:44

Do not buy

katepilar · 19/05/2025 08:49

Sorry you have to deal with such behaviour from your brother. He is manipulating you, not considering you at all, just himself. Please dont give in. I understand you are trying to save the relationship with the only family member you have got left, its tough. What could easily happen is that you accommodate him this time but than he comes with another thing that you cant accommodate are back to square one. Or he just drifts further away without you doing anything.
Kindly, do you have this pattern of giving in to please people with others too, or is it just with your brother, because he is family?
Sending hugs.

Hoppinggreen · 19/05/2025 08:50

Breaking it down into very basic terms - you would be paying £15k to stay on good terms with your (arsehole) brother, do you want to do that?
Even if you did what would his next demand be?

zeibesaffron · 19/05/2025 08:56

Why on earth do you want a relationship with his man - he is vile. Tell him straight you don’t want his caravan !!!

ThatCyanCat · 19/05/2025 08:56

Of course you shouldn't buy it. If he refuses to have a relationship with you because you didn't buy his money pit then that's on him; hardly a relationship worth saving, in fact it's no relationship at all.

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