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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Not to buy my brother's static caravan

223 replies

Ineedtocheckmylist · 18/05/2025 22:49

For context my DH & me are not wealthy, but we both have decent pensions (DH retired, me partially retired) & a fair bit in savings as when we got married we both sold our family-sized houses & bought a 2 bed bungalow.

My parents used to buy antique items at auction and, many years ago had some very nice pieces of furniture, antique rugs etc.

Brother lives about 2 hour's drive away. When my parents were alive I lived about 10 minute's walk away from them, but have since moved to somewhere close in the area.

My brother, although he earns a good salary, & owns a large house split into 2 flats (one rented out), but has a large mortgage as he had to buy his Xpartner out - twice as they got back together having split up.

I have a difficult relationship with my brother as I cared for my parents when they were sick, he did absolutely nothing until mum died & swept down, changed the locks & took anything of real value leaving me to clear the rest.

But, my parents have been dead for nearly 5 years now & we have started repairing our relationship meeting occasionally for lunch, email each other & I would like to continue that.

When my mother died (9 months after my father) he accused me of stealing things from the house that my parents got rid of many years ago. He was such a rare visitor that he didn't remember that they'd had to get rid of things like coffee tables & the nice rugs as they were a trip hazard for my father who had Parkinson's. He also accused me of stealing my mother's clothes (she was 2 sizes bigger than me), items of jewellery & of making a mess of the house in the process. He didn't understand that my parents were so ill that they never bothered to put anything away & the mess that the house was in was the mess that they lived in. When I said that he said that I should have cleared the house up for them. But when I visited (every morning & evening - whilst working full-time, to help get my father up, fed & then to get them their evening meal & help my father to bed, sometimes been called to them in the middle of the night when daddy had a fall) my mother would get very cross if I tried to tidy up saying that it was her house & I had no right to tidy after her - something that I respected. So I limited myself to making sure that everything in the fridge & kitchen cupboards was in date while I was cooking for them & keeping the kitchen & bathrooms clean.

My brother has a static caravan on the coast near where DH & me live. He's pressurising me to buy it from him. I've said that we have no need of it. Brother has provided evidence that it's giving a fairly good rental income & that it would be somewhere for DH's children & grandchildren to enjoy. I have no GC of my own, but regard DH's as mine.

I'm saying that I don't want the bother of it. Brother is pressurising me by saying that he's in financial straights & it would be a way of helping him out. I'm saying that he's an adult & his financial circumstances are his problem. Afterall he got a not-unsubstantial inheritance from our parents (as did I). Also if it's giving such a good rental income, he should hang on to it as it will give him the money that he says he needs.

DH is saying if I want to buy it from my personal money that's my choice. But I'm thinking if it's such a good deal why is my brother getting rid?

I think that I can guess what MN friends will say, but I don't want to put a further barrier between my brother & me.

So AIBU to tell my brother no thank you & risk deepening the rift? We're talking about him selling the caravan that is about 8 years old for £15K.

OP posts:
Arlingtonchase · 19/05/2025 08:59

When you were children you looked after him and protected him, and somehow you still feel that responsibility, even though logically you know he’s an adult, responsible for his own actions, and actually a pretty unpleasant adult by the sounds of it. You need to rethink your relationship. You don’t need to make allowances for him, as your DP did because they were so grateful for every tiny piece of attention he deigned to show them.

Re-read your original post, imagining someone else had written it and was asking for your advice. You know what you would advise them to do!

DeathNote11 · 19/05/2025 09:00

Why on earth do people cling on to shitty people because they're 'family'? I've never understood it. Familial abuse is just as bad as abuse from other sources, & the way to stop it is exactly the same - cut contact.

myheadsjustmush · 19/05/2025 09:03

I wouldn't buy it either.

As others have rightly said, if this caravan is such a good money maker, why on earth would he sell it?!

Stick to your guns OP. It is your money and your decision when to spend it, and on what.

You could always add in your email

"As you seem to be having a difficult time financially, it might be worth considering selling the figures etc you acquired from mum and dad's house, as I am sure they would have increased in value"

He is a CF.

Ireallycantthinkofagoodone · 19/05/2025 09:03

I have heard that some holiday parks would only allow you to sell it back to them, and it would probably be for just a fraction of what was paid. So, selling it ‘on the open market’ would not be allowed.

Trying to get you to take it off his hands may get around the rules. Also, don’t forget that one would have to pay tax on the rental income, and pay out for site fees/insurance/repairs etc. I don’t think it’s the money spinner that your DB is making it out to be.

It’s common for holiday parks to only allow caravans up to a certain age. Then you are left with a worthless lump of metal, and would probably have to pay for the ‘vans removal. They are worth very little when unsited.

DON’T DO IT!

Redburnett · 19/05/2025 09:07

No backstory necessary. Just tell him no, you do not want a static caravan. Ignore his calls and messages until he gets it.

76s · 19/05/2025 09:10

doodahdayy · 18/05/2025 22:51

Tell this awful man to fuck off.

This..he’s has treated you abysmally. I’d lessen/ stop contact with him

dottyaboutstripes · 19/05/2025 09:21

Argh I accidentally clicked YABU when you are absolutely NOT! I know he’s your brother but doesn’t sound like a relationship with him brings anything good to your life. You’re not responsible for him

abricotine · 19/05/2025 09:28

OP he sounds awful. Keep your relationship distant and polite if you want to maintain it. He is out for what he can get. Definitely no caravan!!

Lastgig · 19/05/2025 09:28

My retired parents bought a static caravan. The site fees were £5k a year twenty years ago. They could only 'own it' for ten years I think.
They paid £36k for it and got less than £10k back five years later when my mum developed terminal cancer.
Of course my siblings wanted them to keep it. However they wouldn't contribute to the fees. I had only visited once so I put my foot down. It was a first for me to not pick up the tab. My parents lived with me out of season and I did pay for that in more ways than I care to remember.

Your brother op has worked out you have downsized and have savings. Fwiw after spending mine giving up my career to nurse my parents my sister acussed me of theft from my father. It had cost me £300k in lost wages to nurse him. I proved it and we don't speak. We were on the bones of our arse when he died.

VickyEadieofThigh · 19/05/2025 09:29

Treviarpelli · 18/05/2025 22:53

Don’t do it, he can sell it to someone else if it’s that good. He sounds like an arse

This. Why the fuck SHOULD you buy it?

Lunabearz · 19/05/2025 09:31

He is a bully, he knows if he sells it back to the site he has it on he will get nothing for it!
Don’t buy it! The site fees will cost a thousands of pounds every year!
You do not make much money hiring a caravan out and it just gets older and extra scruffy each year and devalues!

BustingBaoBun · 19/05/2025 09:33

@Ineedtocheckmylist

Don't do it. We had a static caravan when the DCs were little. It was great fun but they are quite a lot of work. They have to be drained down for winter so the pipes don't freeze and reverse of that in Spring.

We actually got an offer on ours for it to be removed and sent to some caravan park in France, and pay us for it, we jumped at it, as it had become quite a millstone round our necks being hours away.

As for your brother, words fail me.
You need to say "STOP asking me. I. Am. Not. Buying. Your. Caravan"

p.s. Your brother sounds horrible.

Hankunamatata · 19/05/2025 09:36

My dad's brother did similar. He cut him off without a backwards glance and hasn't spoken of him in since.

Cut this man out of your lives

SlightlyJaded · 19/05/2025 09:47

OP - prepare yourself for another rift because you won't buy his caravan.

BUT hold this thought. Imagine you'd bought it, a and realised - surprise, surprise - it wasn't the 'money spinner' he'd alluded to. Then what? You would have fallen out anyway or you'd be bitter, resentful and feel like a fool.

From the minute he asked you, there was no winning this one.

At least this way, it's on HIM to be gracious and you don't throw money away.

madamegazelle1 · 19/05/2025 09:49

If it was that good a financial proposition he would be keeping it! And his finances are his issue not yours to bail him out…

Ilady · 19/05/2025 09:55

Being honest he left you to deal with your parents poor health on your own. That required you to give up a lot of the free time you had. You may have worked less hours due to this. It effected the time you could spend with your husband and friends.
Then he took valuable things that he could carry out of there house and never gave you any of the money he raised from this.

My feeling is that for years your parents could have been helping him out financially before they got sick. He has made some bad financial decisions like that static caravan. If it as valuable as he thinks he should have no problem selling it on the open market but I feel it's a money trap and he wants to get rid of it.

In retirement you don't need to take on a total money trap. Your better off spending your money on home improvements or moving to a more suitable house.
Tell him that your not buying it and after years of minding your parents your planning several trips abroad.

If he is unhappy with your response let him get lost and have far less contact with him. He deserves to deal with his own mess now and can't expect you to financial help him out. That money could give you and your husband some great holidays abroad.

Lobelia123 · 19/05/2025 10:00

The best way to deal with this is to disabuse him of this lovely fantasy he has that you are loaded. Flip the script, jump in with complaints about how times are so tough, you are in straightened circumstances yourselves and in fact were hoping he might be able to help you out with a loan etc etc. he will back off and run for the hills. Or better yet, just tell him to take his dishonest, thieving, manipulative arse and bugger off on it.

CombatBarbie · 19/05/2025 10:00

He knows the caravan is coming to the end of its life and it's not worth £15k. Most sites are 10yrs. My in-laws bought one 5yrs ago for £35k. They have just sold it to move into rented accommodation and they got £12k. It was immaculate (it was sited on my land). They don't hold value.

Escapingafter50years · 19/05/2025 10:01

Please, instead of spending anything on this crazy notion, spend it on therapy to help you work out why you want to maintain a relationship with this self-centred user who has no respect for you, no appreciation of what you did for your parents while he not only did nothing, but accused you of theft. He is now trying to scam you.
Kindly, you need to examine why your standards for yourself are so low that you would allow his abuse of you to continue. You deserve better.

DonttouchthatLarry · 19/05/2025 10:02

Sorry OP, I'd have gone NC with him at this point 'he did absolutely nothing until mum died & swept down, changed the locks & took anything of real value leaving me to clear the rest.'

If he needs money he can sell the caravan to someone else. We're currently staying on a site where the fees are £3600 a year so it could end up costing you a fortune to help out someone who's never helped you.

WaltzingWaters · 19/05/2025 10:03

What a selfish dickhead. Absolutely do not waste your money buying his static home. You have answered your own question in saying if it provides a good income why would he be selling it/why is it so difficult to sell that he’s begging you to buy it.
stand firm. He sounds like a bully.

WheresthesaladTheresthesalad · 19/05/2025 10:08

doodahdayy · 18/05/2025 22:51

Tell this awful man to fuck off.

This. First post nails it.

Don't buy his caravan. It won't repair anything as he will just continue to have further utterly unreasonable demands of you. Your savings are yours to enjoy as you wish with no explanation owed to him. He can sell his caravan to someone else.

Wishing you well OP. I know from experience that dealing with a close family member who behaves like this is exhausting and makes you doubt yourself and every interaction with them. 💐

Hif · 19/05/2025 10:11

He is a spoilt, selfish, rude cheeky fucker. You know this.

You do need to examine what is compelling you to see him for lunches. You did all the caring. He criticized and accused you of not doing enough and stealing. He is a monstrous piece of shit. Being a blood relative seems to be a licence to treat you as a punching bag/cash machine.

You just need to message and say: the caravan purchase isn’t for me, thanks. No justification, no alternative courses of action. NO!

Velmy · 19/05/2025 10:14

I don't buy things I don't want or need every day, it's easy!

Joking aside, these things are absolute money pits and a nightmare to get rid of. Your brother knows this, which is why he's pressuring you, rather that selling this supposedly bountiful asset on the open market.

Cardiganwearer · 19/05/2025 10:15

If he’s really in the hole financially, 15k will go nowhere anyway. What will he want off you even after buying his money pit van? Best put your foot down firmly now. He might have been a nice kid that you looked after when you were both young but he’s light years away from that now. He’s shown you many, many times what he is. Believe him.