Not to buy my brother's static caravan

[Ineedtocheckmylist]

For context my DH & me are not wealthy, but we both have decent pensions (DH retired, me partially retired) & a fair bit in savings as when we got married we both sold our family-sized houses & bought a 2 bed bungalow.

My parents used to buy antique items at auction and, many years ago had some very nice pieces of furniture, antique rugs etc.

Brother lives about 2 hour's drive away. When my parents were alive I lived about 10 minute's walk away from them, but have since moved to somewhere close in the area.

My brother, although he earns a good salary, & owns a large house split into 2 flats (one rented out), but has a large mortgage as he had to buy his Xpartner out - twice as they got back together having split up.

I have a difficult relationship with my brother as I cared for my parents when they were sick, he did absolutely nothing until mum died & swept down, changed the locks & took anything of real value leaving me to clear the rest.

But, my parents have been dead for nearly 5 years now & we have started repairing our relationship meeting occasionally for lunch, email each other & I would like to continue that.

When my mother died (9 months after my father) he accused me of stealing things from the house that my parents got rid of many years ago. He was such a rare visitor that he didn't remember that they'd had to get rid of things like coffee tables & the nice rugs as they were a trip hazard for my father who had Parkinson's. He also accused me of stealing my mother's clothes (she was 2 sizes bigger than me), items of jewellery & of making a mess of the house in the process. He didn't understand that my parents were so ill that they never bothered to put anything away & the mess that the house was in was the mess that they lived in. When I said that he said that I should have cleared the house up for them. But when I visited (every morning & evening - whilst working full-time, to help get my father up, fed & then to get them their evening meal & help my father to bed, sometimes been called to them in the middle of the night when daddy had a fall) my mother would get very cross if I tried to tidy up saying that it was her house & I had no right to tidy after her - something that I respected. So I limited myself to making sure that everything in the fridge & kitchen cupboards was in date while I was cooking for them & keeping the kitchen & bathrooms clean.

My brother has a static caravan on the coast near where DH & me live. He's pressurising me to buy it from him. I've said that we have no need of it. Brother has provided evidence that it's giving a fairly good rental income & that it would be somewhere for DH's children & grandchildren to enjoy. I have no GC of my own, but regard DH's as mine.

I'm saying that I don't want the bother of it. Brother is pressurising me by saying that he's in financial straights & it would be a way of helping him out. I'm saying that he's an adult & his financial circumstances are his problem. Afterall he got a not-unsubstantial inheritance from our parents (as did I). Also if it's giving such a good rental income, he should hang on to it as it will give him the money that he says he needs.

DH is saying if I want to buy it from my personal money that's my choice. But I'm thinking if it's such a good deal why is my brother getting rid?

I think that I can guess what MN friends will say, but I don't want to put a further barrier between my brother & me.

So AIBU to tell my brother no thank you & risk deepening the rift? We're talking about him selling the caravan that is about 8 years old for £15K.

Honestly OP I'd tell him to FO then I'd absolutely go NC. He's a nasty piece of work and he certainly doesn't love you - he just wants your ££££££££ and he'll do just about any underhanded tactic to get it.

Your life would improve without him in it.

You don't want it, so of course you have to say no. Tell that you don't want it and won't be discussing it again.

If it's that great then somebody else will snap it up. Just stick to your guns and say no.

Thanks for offering us first refusal on the caravan. We have decided we wouldn’t use it enough and don’t want the hassle of renting it out. Given that it’s so profitable, is it not worth hanging on to? If not hopefully it will be a good investment for someone else. Best of luck with it.

then just stop engaging. If he brings it up again just repeat - thanks for the offer but we aren’t interested.

Glad you're going to say no.

Even if you did want a static caravan as an investment and/or place to take DGC, there'd be no reason to buy that particular one simply because it's from a relative. You would go and do your research, make sure you were getting the best option for the price.

As usual, first post nails it!

You did the right thing. I would love to know how he replied to your final message saying no.

What a ridiculous man your brother is. Does he take you for a moron?

His ex sounds a peach, too.

No is a full sentence!

Tell him that you are unable to buy the caravan and actually you'd like to discuss an interest free loan from HIM as you are in financial difficulty. You won't see him for dust.

It's a moot point because there is no planet on which I would consider buying this from him regardless but I wouldn't be so sure of any paperwork he has provided that this is some sort of profitable business. An ageing static caravan is not a good investment OP, more likely he wants rid of it and sees you as the best and easiest option (knows you have the money, knows he can probably guilt you into it, doesn't meaningfully care whether it's right for you).

As someone who also cared for two elderly grandparents (parents not in the picture) and can relate very well to a lot of what you said. I have no idea really how people who provided no care for their own family have the gall to comment on the care efforts of those who did step up, or to swoop in when they think there is someone that can be taken but it says everything you need to know, OP. What you did for your parents was a very very difficult responsibility, practically and emotionally, absolutely huge. Anyone who hasn't turned the other cheek and has cared for a family member knows the toll that it takes and how difficult and consuming it can be for any number of reasons.

To accuse you of theft from your parents estate is no small thing, nor is to critique the care you provided while he turned the other cheek. We can have a care for our family (eg your brother) but we must prioritise ourselves and evaluate honestly what these people add to our lives and whether they are friends to us. To me is sounds as though your welfare and your parents welfare aren't of much interest to him, he sounds selfish and resentful because he has a belief you have had more from your parents than him (by the insult of stealing their stuff, essentially) and that now he will use that to pressurise you into paying for his caravan.

He's an adult man, he has had an inheritance already and not managed to secure his finances. I wouldn't bother sending any long emails about this or justifying what you do with your money. I would simply say "I've discussed it with DH and we've decided we aren't interested" and consider reducing your contact with him.

I am sorry your brother remains a self interested manipulative man.

Don't be bullied. If it's on a site, they have rules about replacing vans - so you could end up having to replace it with a new one at full cost at your own expense. Also there are annual fees etc. You'll probably find the papers he gets you to sign include this legal commitment if you buy the static van.

You don’t need to explain yourself, with some long winded e-mail. You owe him nothing.

All the e-mail needs to say is ‘I’m not interested in buying the caravan, regards (name)’ If the entitled arse comes back with lots of reason why you should or another sob story about being skint - just repeat ‘I’m not interested in buying the caravan’.

It sounds like you will lose very little if he decides to be off with you about it. Sounds like you will gain an awful lot - peace and quiet from his antics and sob stories.

You should be hiring a digger to turn that rift into a crevice so deep it reaches the earths core. Your brother is trash.
Sharing genes doesn't matter.

Virtually exactly the same thing happened to us, many years ago. We had a static caravan on a beautiful small, privately owned site in West Wales, 350 miles from us. The lovely husband and wife site owners said that if we told them our arrival date, they would turn the water on and generally get the van ready for us. As we usually travelled overnight, we were more than grateful for this. We quite often found our tiny lawn mown when we arrived too. It was bliss.
Then, unfortunately, the owner/husband died and the site was sold. The new owners, a very unpleasant woman and her father, (I think), promptly doubled the site fees. They refused to turn the water and heating on prior to our arrival, even though we offered to pay for this. To make matters worse, the woman actually decided to move into the van next door to us when that van’s owners moved away and she was extremely unfriendly when we were there. To this day, I have no idea why she took such a dislike to us as we had done nothing to cause it. It was a nightmare, so we put the van up for sale. The site owners said we couldn’t do this and had to sell it to them, but we refused, after finding out that legally, they couldn’t enforce this as it wasn’t in the original contract. Phew!
A very nice man came to view it and offered us a good price for it. It turned out it owned a caravan park about three miles away and he offered to move the van onto his site, which we accepted. We then had to come home so we left it in his hands. He later contacted us to say the van was now safely on his park. He said the site owners had been very difficult about him moving the van, and, in fact had parked a vehicle in such a way that he couldn’t move it out. They wouldn’t answer the door when he tried to speak to them and put the phone down on him. He then found out when they would be out, and had whipped it away while they weren’t there to stop him! He didn’t charge us for moving it either. That man saved our bacon!

Are you building bridges with your brother or being groomed though?

He won’t selL it on the open market as he thinks if he sells it to you he can still use it and benefit from it.

he just needs the cash and he wants the use. CF of the highest order!

He might be trying to offload it due to issues like this
https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/c4gmy7xjewko

That's a good point actually. Probably thinks he can still grab a break here and there, and get paid 15 grand too.

we have started repairing our relationship meeting occasionally for lunch, email each other & I would like to continue that.

Only read a few replies..but all of the OPer's posts...

If your DB wants you to buy the caravan could this be the reason he's started to rebuild the relationship?

It really is of no use to you and as said if it's a money maker why does he want to sell.
He could sell to the site but I suspected he'd lose a fair chunk of the value.

Also is it as simple as buying the caravan and done and dusted or is their maintenance/site fees to be paid on a regular/yearly basis?

The real question is not whether you should buy the caravan but why you continue to have this terrible person in your life.

I think you absoultey need to tell him where to go, and to stop bullying you. It's sad that you might lose your brother again in doing so, but it sounds like he doesn't deserve you in his life.

OP

This man was horrible to your parents.
His behaviour is inconsiderate and self absorbed. He sounds selfish and moody
He didn't help look after your parents when they needed it
He stole valuables from their estate
He accused you of stealing
He is pestering you to invest in something that you have no interest in

He sounds...just horrible. I think you need to take a step back and ask yourself why you're actually even wanting to rebuild a relationship with him at all. He sounds untrustworthy and entitled and not actually nice to be around. What does having a relationship with him, bring to your life?

Dear brother I don’t want your poxy static

Ha, it's probably just about to go out of date, and he needs to replace or leave the site altogether. Cheeky git.

Dont buy it. It sounds like hes trying to manipulate you by making you feel like you robbed him when you very clearly did not.

He sees you as an easy target as you inherited some money from your parents. Hes probably trying to sell you the caravan for much more than its worth.

He may well just be fraternizing with you just so he can get rid of the caravan. Often, some people just see how they can benefit from a personal relationship and it sounds like he is one of these people.

You should safeguard your own family's finances before his.

Of course you shouldn't, especially as he is trying to bully you into it. He is obviously not being honest with you either, as PPs have said if it was such a great deal he could easily sell it to someone else.

If this is going to put a barrier between you it's him who is building it, not you.