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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Not to buy my brother's static caravan

223 replies

Ineedtocheckmylist · 18/05/2025 22:49

For context my DH & me are not wealthy, but we both have decent pensions (DH retired, me partially retired) & a fair bit in savings as when we got married we both sold our family-sized houses & bought a 2 bed bungalow.

My parents used to buy antique items at auction and, many years ago had some very nice pieces of furniture, antique rugs etc.

Brother lives about 2 hour's drive away. When my parents were alive I lived about 10 minute's walk away from them, but have since moved to somewhere close in the area.

My brother, although he earns a good salary, & owns a large house split into 2 flats (one rented out), but has a large mortgage as he had to buy his Xpartner out - twice as they got back together having split up.

I have a difficult relationship with my brother as I cared for my parents when they were sick, he did absolutely nothing until mum died & swept down, changed the locks & took anything of real value leaving me to clear the rest.

But, my parents have been dead for nearly 5 years now & we have started repairing our relationship meeting occasionally for lunch, email each other & I would like to continue that.

When my mother died (9 months after my father) he accused me of stealing things from the house that my parents got rid of many years ago. He was such a rare visitor that he didn't remember that they'd had to get rid of things like coffee tables & the nice rugs as they were a trip hazard for my father who had Parkinson's. He also accused me of stealing my mother's clothes (she was 2 sizes bigger than me), items of jewellery & of making a mess of the house in the process. He didn't understand that my parents were so ill that they never bothered to put anything away & the mess that the house was in was the mess that they lived in. When I said that he said that I should have cleared the house up for them. But when I visited (every morning & evening - whilst working full-time, to help get my father up, fed & then to get them their evening meal & help my father to bed, sometimes been called to them in the middle of the night when daddy had a fall) my mother would get very cross if I tried to tidy up saying that it was her house & I had no right to tidy after her - something that I respected. So I limited myself to making sure that everything in the fridge & kitchen cupboards was in date while I was cooking for them & keeping the kitchen & bathrooms clean.

My brother has a static caravan on the coast near where DH & me live. He's pressurising me to buy it from him. I've said that we have no need of it. Brother has provided evidence that it's giving a fairly good rental income & that it would be somewhere for DH's children & grandchildren to enjoy. I have no GC of my own, but regard DH's as mine.

I'm saying that I don't want the bother of it. Brother is pressurising me by saying that he's in financial straights & it would be a way of helping him out. I'm saying that he's an adult & his financial circumstances are his problem. Afterall he got a not-unsubstantial inheritance from our parents (as did I). Also if it's giving such a good rental income, he should hang on to it as it will give him the money that he says he needs.

DH is saying if I want to buy it from my personal money that's my choice. But I'm thinking if it's such a good deal why is my brother getting rid?

I think that I can guess what MN friends will say, but I don't want to put a further barrier between my brother & me.

So AIBU to tell my brother no thank you & risk deepening the rift? We're talking about him selling the caravan that is about 8 years old for £15K.

OP posts:
Ineedtocheckmylist · 19/05/2025 19:28

dsWhat happened to the proceeds of your parents' estate? Was it split before or after he filched the good stuff?l

Yup he filched the good stuff - talking paintings by some well-known artists,, valuable books, & Art Deco pottery, the 'good' Staff & other figurines etc. But I spotted my father's signet ring which was covered in Haribo sweets (my late DF was rather obsessed with them laterally when he developed dementia) & I found it when tipping a drawer into a black bag from his beside cabinet that my brother must have searched though as was in the part of the house that he locked me out of. I don't dare to tell DB that I have it as am sure he will accuse me of stealing it before he got into the house. Am keeping it safe for my DS.

OP posts:
grumpygrape · 19/05/2025 19:36

OP, I guess if you had wanted a caravan to either use yourself or to rent out you would have bought one yourself/yourselves before now so maybe that could be the response to your brother.

'Thanks for thinking of us though' 😉 (Sickly smile and fingers crossed behind back)

TeapotCollection · 19/05/2025 19:42

You have told him no haven’t you?

Ineedtocheckmylist · 19/05/2025 19:46

Thank you for all your valuable advice. I've sent DB a nice email thanking him for giving me first refusal, but saying that I'm not interested.

Thank you MNs for your good sensible help. As I originally said, I knew that my DB was a CF, but, as his older sister I've always looked out for him & was conflicted;

Good night to you all & God bless you all for being so supportive. 😘

OP posts:
BakelikeBertha · 19/05/2025 19:56

TiswasPhantomFlanFlinger · 18/05/2025 23:04

Do not buy this caravan off him.
Is it on a park? If it is you need to be aware that some holiday parks only let you keep a caravan on their park until it is a certain age and then they try to make you sell it, remove it and buy a new one. Also some of the service charges can be very high.

I was just about to come on and say this, and I bet it's why he's trying to offload it on the OP.

As others have said, I can see that you are hoping to keep your last family member close OP, but he's a user, and sadly, you will NEVER benefit from your relationship with him. In your shoes, I'd tell him, 'sorry, I'm not interested in the caravan', and if he continues to try and put pressure on you to buy it, point out that if it's such a great deal, he would be mad to get rid of it, but if he really needs to, then someone else is bound to come along and snap it up, but it won't be you!' I bet the minute he hears this, you won't hear from him again, which is sad, but better than being in the clutches of a user.

Yolo12345 · 19/05/2025 20:14

Do not touch this with a barge pole!

nomas · 19/05/2025 20:37

I’m kind of glad he sunk his ill gotten gains on an albatross that’s now stuck around his neck.

Pickingdates · 19/05/2025 21:35

He's thieving scum OP.
Time to accept that.

Canboota · 19/05/2025 21:59

ANYONE even half considering buying a static caravan on a holiday park needs to join the FB group - Holiday Park Action Group.

The whole industry is seriously unregulated and people are regularly scammed out of tens of thousands of pounds.

Theoldbird · 20/05/2025 00:14

nomas · 19/05/2025 20:37

I’m kind of glad he sunk his ill gotten gains on an albatross that’s now stuck around his neck.

haha same here! He cheated the op out of heirlooms and valuables, and now is looking to scam her again by saddling her with this piece of junk. I have in my head the imagery of a caravan hanging round the brother's neck as he drags himself around a trailer park forlornly.

MarxistMags · 20/05/2025 00:17

@Ineedtocheckmylist That's really interesting.
Both versions are to be honest.

FloofyKat · 22/05/2025 11:41

I’m sorry you have such a greedy, dishonest piece of work for a brother. Well done on sending him the ‘no’ email. Stick to your guns and remind yourself he doesn’t need you looking out for him any more. He’s not 12!

Ineedtocheckmylist · 02/06/2025 16:50

As an update. I sent the 'thanks, but no thanks' email to my brother.

After some time I got a response from him complaining about all the work that he needs to do on the flat that he rents out. It seems that he needs to put a new boiler in, the kitchen is falling apart & needs to be replaced (didn't he have it checked regularly? I thought LLs were obliged to) some doors are coming off their hinges, carpets throughout need to be replaced, the whole place needs redecorating & the bathroom has black mould so needs to be re-tiled & generally replaced. I responded that the landlord <eg: HIM> should've kept a better eye on the place &, that when I rented a flat out, I would redecorate, replace carpets & flooring every 3 years (more often if necessary) & would do a walk-around with tenants every 6 months checking off any issues that I would deal with immediately.

I suspect that his ex has taken him to the cleaners & that he needs some money - he's 59 years old & his problem not mine.

I'm afraid that my brother is an entitled CF & will not change.

OP posts:
nomas · 02/06/2025 17:05

Well done, OP!

Do you think he was just moaning or was he hinting for money?

Splain · 02/06/2025 17:22

Well done OP. If he needs to sell the caravan he can do so at market rates. Someone will be happy to buy it at a fair price.

BakelikeBertha · 02/06/2025 18:01

That's BRILLIANT news OP! I'm so pleased you stood up to him, well done you!

deeahgwitch · 02/06/2025 18:18

AnneLovesGilbert · 18/05/2025 23:00

I can’t believe you’ve been making an effort to be closer to such a horrible person. He’s awful! If the relationship can’t withstand you declining his shite offer/request it’s worth nothing.

Come on, you know he’s a dick, cut the selfish arsehole off.

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Your brother is a nasty self centred bully @Ineedtocheckmylist
Drop any contact with him. He only upsets you.

Rosings25 · 03/06/2025 08:36

If the flat is in disrepair what will be the underlying issues in the mobile home? You have made the correct response and do not be blackmailed into helping him.

Pickingdates · 03/06/2025 08:50

Well done OP, keep your distance.
He's a thieving user that will bring you nothing but grief.
Unfortunately some relationships are not worth the effort.
Protect yourself.

Ellie56 · 03/06/2025 09:31

If the flat is falling apart, the mobile home is probably in a similar condition or not far off.

You do well to keep your distance @Ineedtocheckmylist

Your brother is a self centred freeloading CF arsehole. Sadly, he isn't interested in a sibling relationship with you. He's only looking to see what he can get out of you.

Enjoy your life without this user in it.

FloofyKat · 03/06/2025 20:09

Well done for standing your ground, OP. Don’t be drawn into any of his dramas - keep your distance!

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 03/06/2025 22:23

Well done for standing your ground. You are absolutely right, this is his problem not yours.

BusyMum47 · 03/06/2025 22:37

doodahdayy · 18/05/2025 22:51

Tell this awful man to fuck off.

@Ineedtocheckmylist 100% this! ⬆️

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