AIBU to stop my partner from forcing our daughter into more sports?

[Opalskies]

In my family we have a rule that our kids need to do an athletic activity outside of school. Just one, to keep them active and healthy.

My DH is very athletic, and enjoys a wide range of sports, which is a hobby that he shares with our son. My daughter on the other hand, only enjoys playing tennis, but would much rather be reading or drawing.

The problem is that DH wants our daughter to stop doing the activities she loves and replace them with more sports, something she doesn't want to do.

I don't want to force my daughter into playing additional sports she doesn't want to do, and so I put my foot down, saying no, but my DH keeps insisting.

Am I being unreasonable though?

The more I read of your posts the more I just want to say "lighten up".

Let me guess, perhaps you have a strict timetable for your children about what things are done when?
.

"We are a family of readers, even with full time school (finishing at 3pm!) and full time job, there's more than enough time to do sport AND reading."

I'm confused about what you mean when you say "... even with full time school". Aren't most children in "full time school"? Very few children indeed are home schooled.

I don't think you should encourage them to do even more tennis together. That reinforces the idea that he's right about more sport.

You should turn it around.

He thinks she should do more sport because he like sport. Why doesn't it work the other way?

He should do more reading because she likes reading. Every time he brings up your DD doing more sport, tell him to join a book club.

Why not let her get on with her Saturday afternoon reading?

Blimey, the standards are low for some. Poor kids.

She chose tennis because she had to choose one sport though, yes? So “nothing” wasn’t an option, and it’s entirely likely that tennis was the best of the bunch but not necessarily something she was passionate about. Are you being deliberately obtuse, OP?

I've clarified my original post so many times now, and still people are insisting on their own narrative. Stop with the ignorance and read my posts for what I've said including any additional information, and stop relying on others.

She does.

Sorry, I meant full time school here, when they finish at 3pm.

As opposed to other schools or countries, where kids don't finish until 5 or 6, which makes it tricky to add clubs on top of homework every evening.

I am not even replying to your comment about "strict timetable" because it makes no sense.

"I wouldn't leave my kids just reading every Saturday afternoon either."

Seriously? Just what is wrong is you?

You object to your children spending time reading books or comics etc (I bet that you really hate your DC reading comics)?

Perhaps it's a sign of my age (I'm one of the very first of Gen X) but if my DC had wanted to stay in and read or play games then I was quite happy for them to do that.

Likewise, if they wanted to go out and play with their friends all day then that was fine as well (as long as they were back home in time for tea).

You do come across to me as being overly controlling of your DC.

And presumably wants to please her dad/parents.

OP you have painted a shy self conscious child who wants to dance but doesn’t feel comfortable doing it in a group. Likes reading and chess.

Yet wants to play Tennis 4 times a week. I am not so sure she does and isn’t wanting to please you and her Dad

Have you thought why this is the sport because Tennis is a more solitary sport.

talk to her, and I mean talk to her and find out what she likes and what she wants to do and how to build her confidence because is what you need to do as a parent.

Not expect her to like the things you do

She chose Tennis because she likes Tennis. She tried dozens of sports and activities before tennis. Would you like a list?

Of course she's not passionate about tennis, she only chose to play it several days a weeks, joined a club, and plays with her friends at home as well.🙄

I too am getting the impression that a whole afternoon reading is seen as excessive or detrimental in some way, and should be curtailed. I don’t get it.

She goes to school, she has an active hobby (taking up a lot of time imo, which is of course great if her choice) and she presumably does activities with the family, sees friends and so on. Why on earth can she not fill every last spare minute drawing and reading if that’s what she feels like doing? Even some posters on here seem to be fretting that she could ‘still’ read while fitting in another sport. Sure - but why?

(I also think there’s a time and place for doing nothing at all / watching rubbish on tv if that’s what you want, which some posters’ schedules wouldn’t appear to allow for!)

Another2Cats

It's called being a parent. I don't leave my kids live on McDonald food either. So I guess that makes me overly controlling.

And you are completely twisting my words, I did say we are a family of readers, their bedrooms are crammed with books, comics, screen plays and lords knows what.

Why would you say this? The OP isn’t the one trying to push extra sport on her child. She’s keen for her to keep active and healthy but feels like if daughter is playing that much tennis and the op says repeatedly that she likes it, why disbelieve her?? My son only likes cricket as a sport, he disliked most other sports but loves cricket because it’s not pushy and it has organised calm rules. Tennis sounds a perfect more solitary/small group sport for her, like reading or chess. Hence why OP is pushing back on her husband wanting daughter to try other things. She’s found something she likes and is happy with it. Why all the no-evidence diagnostics?

I've never said she was shy, just self conscious about dancing in group or a club.

I've said countless times now what she likes and does, and that she chose how often to play and who with, and I'm honestly fed up of repeating myself for those who can't be bothered to read my posts but still reply with a false narative.

"And you are completely twisting my words,"

Sorry, I didn't intend to do that. That's just the impression I got from your earlier posts.

"It's called being a parent."

But, if you are implying that any way of parenting that is different from yours is "wrong" or "inferior" in some way then you are very much mistaken.

[EDIT]

If you are going to reference another user at least use @Another2Cats so that the other person gets the notification.

Your daughter’s choice of activities are really good for mental health. Plus she has abided by the “rule” by taking up tennis. You are going to cause resentment forcing this on her if you go with what your husband is saying. A forced effort and paying out would equal poor results and wasted money surely? Surely the children you see taking part in activities outside school should be having fun and choosing to do them.

Your DH is being a dick.

Exactly tennis is a small group sport.

the OP already stated she loves dance and but was too self conscious to try it

Having a real chat with her daughter and figuring out if they can help her over coming her self consciousness and figure out what she likes and dislikes and if she really likes tennis

rather than potentially creating a people pleaser.

she could really like tennis but they need to ask her

Thank you for those with genuine advice who replied to my post! Some of your are great, most of you - wow. Just wow.

I'm not going to reply anymore as I'm fed up of those of you who are making up a false narrative. I was expecting helpful advice, but I see now that MN is not the place for it.

I'm going to ask the mods to close the thread.

For God's sake! Why are people being so wilfully ignorant on this thread? That is not what the poster is saying! Please read the thread and her comments!!

Fuck me. Thats plenty sport for a 10 year old. My DD10 does 1.5hrs of musical theatre a week term time. And a monthly 2 hrs with her archaeology group which is often just sitting doing activities.

Its post SATs so shes spent most of the weekend in Pjs reading, drawing comics and working out the staging of a musical she has written (Jurassic World, the musical ).

Your DH is an idiot if he thinks forcing his interests onto your DD will help her in anyway. Let her be.

Just to be clear DH you are not unreasonable - your husband is a dick.

I think your rule is a great rule (I WISH my parents had done similar) and your daughter has found her sporting passion. But she has other non sporting passions and he needs to accept that.

you can't accuse me of being over-controlling, and then say I am implying everyone else is wrong when I am defending myself.

No one in my house would even consider spending an entire day without eating (especially not my kids😁), I am raising them to make sure they wouldn't even consider spending an entire day in bed doing nothing because I don't believe that's healthy, physically or mentally.

My younger ones would not sleep let alone accept to go to bed in the evening if they had spend a day without being active.

I am the same and its totally not sad for me.....leaves me all the more time to garden.