AIBU to stop my partner from forcing our daughter into more sports?

[Opalskies]

In my family we have a rule that our kids need to do an athletic activity outside of school. Just one, to keep them active and healthy.

My DH is very athletic, and enjoys a wide range of sports, which is a hobby that he shares with our son. My daughter on the other hand, only enjoys playing tennis, but would much rather be reading or drawing.

The problem is that DH wants our daughter to stop doing the activities she loves and replace them with more sports, something she doesn't want to do.

I don't want to force my daughter into playing additional sports she doesn't want to do, and so I put my foot down, saying no, but my DH keeps insisting.

Am I being unreasonable though?

You’re getting pissy with us for misunderstanding
can I just remind you Op what YOU wrote I. Your op

The problem is that DH wants our daughter to stop doing the activities she loves and replace them with more sports, something she doesn't want to do.

It'6 hours a week. The contracted working hours for many office jobs are 7 hours per day- so almost a full working day of sport.

Of course he shouldn’t be forcing her, why would he want to?! Just because he values sports, doesn’t mean he can expect her to or for her to value it more than art or reading. He may place more value on sport but it doesn’t mean that everyone will.

But reading all afternoon is absolutely fine. There’s no need to shoehorn more sport in- it’s not inherently more worthy than reading. She’s not hanging about in underpasses spraying graffiti and in need of an intervention to avoid an ASBO- she’s reading!

Your daughter is happy with the level of sport she’s already doing. Your husband should stop being so judgmental.

You’ve spent the afternoon on mumsnet op

has your dh been throwing daggers at you?

She's active enough - he needs to leave her be - just because HES into fitness doesn't mean we all should be - perhaps suggest he stays at home and reads more and see if he likes that idea!!!!

Our daughter plays Tennis 4 times per week, Monday/Wednesday/Friday/Sunday, Usually for 1 1/2 hours.

That's more than enough surely! Even for a sporty child.

As a child with a pushy mother. I did endless sport and dance sometimes 2 a night. Ballet then straight to swimming in one night etc. Weekends, holidays the lot.
I hit mid teens and stopped every sport then never did any again. I grew to hate dance with a passion, would secretly cry in my room about going. Pulled my hair out before auditions. Swimming club was torture and made me physically sick before comps, gymnastics became stressful and upsetting.
I never even told my mum it was this bad, she still doesnt know. She was so pushy if I said I didnt want to go she would drive me anyway. I couldnt stop any of these sports and I grew to hate them all.
Being pushy won't achieve anything at all in terms of your daughters life.
I am now not pushy with my sons. They can try a sport if they want, continue ones they like, have breaks and go back to them or do none at all.

If she loves dancing then there are lots of online dancing activities that she can do which don’t involve other people looking at her. If your husband doesn’t think this is exercise then he can try joining in, if he doesn’t think it is “healthy” exercise he can open the window so she gets fresh air!

If I knew, I wouldn't have subjected myself to this torture of made up narratives. 😒

I haven't made my daughter do anything she didn't want to do. My husband and I both agreed that our kids, should do one sport or physical activity. It doesn't have to be an organised sport, but something they need to do every week. Daughter tried lots of activities before she fell in love with tennis. Husband wants daughter to do more, that doesn't mean that he doesn't value her as a person or dislike her in any way, shape or form, or wants her to stop any other activity she likes completely.

I'm not misunderstanding anything.

No, some people can multi-task.

And has your husband agreed that he is being unrealistic and not listening to his child?

She plays tennis, draws and reads. Hardly sitting at home doing nothing.

@Opalskies I think people are either wilfully misunderstanding your posts or they're just plain stupid.

I agree your husband is being unreasonable by demanding your daughter should do more sports. She is already doing enough with tennis and it's something she enjoys.

What is the reason he wants to push her to do more?

Which I later clarified.

I think the rule about one extra curricula which is a physical activity is a good one, but not fine to push more if that is not her thing and definitely not fine to suggest it replaces activities that she does love.

I think so too. Either way I know not to bother again in the future.

He just wants her to enjoy more sports because he does, I believe. He's never been a big reader, but has always loved sports. I think I should encourage them to watch or play tennis together at home.

Why can’t he try something she likes out of his comfort zone - chess for example.

As I have said the only way their relationship is going to grow is for him to recognise she isn’t an extension of him and just because she shares 1/2 DNA sports are not the centre of her world like they are his.

She has tried and found one she finds ok to do (and that as she gets older may also change) and that is ok people are different and enjoying or not enjoying sports are both valid.

OP you’re making perfect sense. I think some people are reading and responding to others who have got a skewed impression of what you’re saying, rather than reading just your posts!

Your husband is being unreasonable and you are not. It’s great you encourage your kids to do some sport and excellent she enjoys tennis and plays it so much. That feels like plenty for me. If she finds another sport she likes, or wants to join in with something her friends are doing or whatever, great. But she shouldn’t be told to reduce her nice Saturday afternoons reading etc, to go and do more sports. That sounds like your husband really sees sport as way better than anything else and is a bit unbalanced. There’s no health concerns, she’s fit and healthy, and reading is great, even if it’s not something your DH sees as so much of a valuable hobby. Everyone is different!

I'm sorry, but are you really suggesting that if parents do not regulate or mandate their children's activities outside of school then that is either "neglectful" or "borderline abusive"?

You really do come across as the archetypal "helicopter parent".

I'm really grateful that my parents were never anything like you.

I don't know why I'm bothering but you quite literally said 'stop doing the activities she loves and REPLACE them'. As I said, if that's not what you meant that's one thing, but it is quite literally what you wrote so can we stop with telling people you didn't say what you said.

From what I can see, OP, your DD has a healthy balance with the tennis and school sports and then she has her own other interests.

Leave her to crack on doing what she does now - sounds like she enjoys tennis and has tried other sports and this is the one for her.

Your DH should accept this with good grace; not every child does as much sport as your DD.

I would ignore the goady posters frankly, this doesn' t even make any sense