AIBU to stop my partner from forcing our daughter into more sports?

[Opalskies]

In my family we have a rule that our kids need to do an athletic activity outside of school. Just one, to keep them active and healthy.

My DH is very athletic, and enjoys a wide range of sports, which is a hobby that he shares with our son. My daughter on the other hand, only enjoys playing tennis, but would much rather be reading or drawing.

The problem is that DH wants our daughter to stop doing the activities she loves and replace them with more sports, something she doesn't want to do.

I don't want to force my daughter into playing additional sports she doesn't want to do, and so I put my foot down, saying no, but my DH keeps insisting.

Am I being unreasonable though?

No

she plays tennis

the rule was one sports

This it is a absolutely awful rule because sports and sport activity isn’t for everyone.

I would sit him down and tell him very clearly that his DD isn’t him, all the activities he loves aren’t for her and making her do them is going to make her unhappy, drive a wedge between them and cause issues. He is trying to parent a child that doesn’t exist, one that is as sporty as him rather than accepting his daughter for who she is.

and he needs to do the latter fast, accept his child for who she is and what she likes before their relationship becomes strained

So she plays tennis every weekend as per the “rule”?

@Rumbley I mean they don't have to join an after school sport club. Of course they have to do PE which is part of the curriculum anyway.

Your husband is setting your child up for a life of feeling resentful of associating exercise with being unhappy, and feeling that her interests are silly and trivial and not good enough to gain her father’s respect. Leave the poor kid alone.

Out of my 4 only one was interested in 1 sporting activity that they wanted to do. Having a rule that they have to do one sporting activity is ridiculous. Put your foot down and say she doesn't want to do one. Doesn't she tell her dad herself. It is horrible to force someone to do something they don't want to do and have no interest in. He sound awful.

how often does she play tennis?

What does she do Saturday mornings, Sunday mornings and Sunday afternoons?

I wouldn't leave my kids just reading every Saturday afternoon either. Again, family of readers here, but there's enough time between 12 and say 9pm on Saturday to read and have an activity.

Tbh when you have one dictator-ship style rule it shouldnt be a surprise when one of the supporters of if it try to expand on it.

Yanbu to put your foot down, bit seriously WTAF with having this "rule" in the first place!

What does "play tennis" mean?

Is she playing tennis every single day of the week? Then frankly at 10 it wouldn't hurt to try something else and alternate.

Is she playing ONCE a week for 1 hour? Then that's obviously not enough for a 10 year old. That's not even enough for a middle-age woman like me!

Ok so to be clear (because you’re being a touch… vague)

you had a rule. One sports club.

She does tennis club (weekly?) in compliance with the rule.

correct?

Not if the children didn't want to do it in the first place

Having rules that your kids have to do SOMETHING is pretty standard. Kids don't all naturally decide that they will do sport/ music and clubs. They are only kids, they need the push, it doesn't mean they don't enjoy it.

Borderline abusive to not do a structured activity? Seriously? Some kids and adults don't like organised activities. It's also not fair on the other kids enjoying themselves to have a miserable child messing up the training or whatever because they don't want to be there. Many of these activities involve more standing around waiting their turn than moving. Humans have been on this earth for many generations and they did fine without a weekly activity. What they should be doing is playing and enjoying themselves, ideally outside running around.

I would be seriously worried that a 10 year old would not want to do ONE THING a week, that's not normal.

I don't even know any kids who don't like activities. It goes from football to horse riding but it's very uncommon for children not to have an interest in anything at all. All the more reasons to encourage them to find one frankly.

Reading and drawing aren’t ’doing nothing’. They’re not an inferior waste of time. And she already does PE at school and plays tennis.

Also, there are more ways to be physically active than having to attend organised sports clubs. I did precisely zero sports as a kid but I certainly a lot of running around, walking, climbing trees, bike riding, kicking a ball around, helping with gardening, playfighting, playing with and walking the dogs etc.

My comment was re: ops specific situation and "rule" of "must do one sporting activity"

Do you take them swimming? Would that count, she shouldn’t be discouraged from reading though.

you like SHOUTING don’t you @YearlySubscriptionRenewal

maybe a breath of fresh air?

This is probably the perfect way to make her hate any kind of organised sport for life.

I don't like hard rules on this stuff. All my children do activities that keep them fit, but they don't do it because it keeps them fit. They do them because they enjoy them.

Could you perhaps take her swimming as a family? We have a local roller skating club and go together sometimes, I do no skating but I make videos and get to watch tricks from right there, not be told about them afterwards. Boulders? Or Clip n Climb type places? The thing is, sports clubs are sometimes a bit too formal and perhaps she'll respond better to family time exercise instead?

I think encouraging exercise is great, but being strict is counterproductive.

Our daughter plays Tennis 4 times per week, Monday/Wednesday/Friday/Sunday, Usually for 1 1/2 hours. She plays at our local gym with other kids, our son does too.

Our son and daughter are twins, and my husband's children. Husband doesn't hate or dislike our daughter, he just wants her to play more sports. Both Kids have tried plenty of sporty activities to find the ones they like, for our daughter it was Tennis, like I've said. They are not forced into any sport or activity they don't like or enjoy.

He's trying to force a square peg into a round hole and that's not going to work.

He's being irrational and overbearing and ignoring her personal preferences and autonomy. She gets activity in PE and she takes a sport, tennis.

He wants to mold a child into his image whether she likes it or not.

Forcing her to sacrifice what she loves doing for things she doesn't is not going to turn out a sporty adult, it's going to turn out a woman whose wants are ignored and sacrificed to please an overbearing man. That's what you guys are modeling for her here. Or, she's going to leave as soon as she can and distance herself from a home where her wishes don't matter.

Is that what you want?

Seriously worried about what? And why?

My two didn't do any organised activities at that age, they didn't want to, no way would I have pushed them.

They played footy outside, walked the dog, walked to friends, ran about, walked 3 miles to/from school every day.

They both go to the gym now they are older.

Theres really no need to be seriously worried about other parents children not doing extracurricular stuff.

did I touch a nerve with you? 😉
You might try to start a fight, but I am not the one needing fresh air.

Which is why it’s great that the dd is playing tennis every week right?
Or are you saying we should Akso push children to do some sports 3~4x a week, Regardiess of whether they enjoy it or not?

If the aim is to give them the live of moving their body so they can sustain that as adults, that’s the wrong way to go.
They need to first find something they enjoy. That’s tennis for her. Why pushing her into doing something she doesn’t enjoy? Encouraging her to play more tennis would be very different imo.

EDIT as I missed the dd is playing 4x a week already!!

@Opalskies your dh needs to give his head a wobble.
your dd is active, doing something she enjoys.
Forcing her to do something she does NOT enjoy, esp at that age, is a recipe for disaster. If he wanted her to stop everything and dig his heels in, he wouldnt do it any other way. It’s just a controlling, paternalistic view that doesn’t see his dd as a person in her own right, with her own likes. It’s not going to work.