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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to stop my partner from forcing our daughter into more sports?

293 replies

Opalskies · 18/05/2025 15:13

In my family we have a rule that our kids need to do an athletic activity outside of school. Just one, to keep them active and healthy.

My DH is very athletic, and enjoys a wide range of sports, which is a hobby that he shares with our son. My daughter on the other hand, only enjoys playing tennis, but would much rather be reading or drawing.

The problem is that DH wants our daughter to stop doing the activities she loves and replace them with more sports, something she doesn't want to do.

I don't want to force my daughter into playing additional sports she doesn't want to do, and so I put my foot down, saying no, but my DH keeps insisting.

Am I being unreasonable though?

OP posts:
Rumbley · 18/05/2025 15:14

So this “rule” you mention…. He is changing?

either way, like fuck anyone would force my child to stop drawing or reading. She does tennis. That is complying with your “rule”

Rumbley · 18/05/2025 15:15

Presuming the drip isn’t that your daughter is morbidly obese

Rumbley · 18/05/2025 15:16

How old is she?

is your husband her father?

WhateverMate · 18/05/2025 15:16

YANBU

But YABU for going along with this 'rule' in the first place.

It can be bad enough being forced to do sports at school without your parents forcing you to do it as well.

I love sports but if my parents invented this family 'rule', it'd probably have put me right off.

TheaBrandt1 · 18/05/2025 15:16

What have I just read?

Thistooshallpass. · 18/05/2025 15:17

Ask him to drop one of the activities he likes doing and replace it with knitting

Rumbley · 18/05/2025 15:17

TheaBrandt1 · 18/05/2025 15:16

What have I just read?

Another parent asking mumsnet if it’s ok for the other parent to behave unfashionably unreasonably towards their child.

Two-a-penny on mumsnet

pikkumyy77 · 18/05/2025 15:18

Your dh “keeps insisting?” What an arrogant thing to do.

I don’t know how you handle this because he doesn’t seem to understand things like consent and autonomy. He likes sports but she doesn’t. Does he not grasp that, as they are distinct people, his desires don’t trump hers? How do you explain this obvious fact to him if he is determined not to respect it?

Original poster
Opalskies · 18/05/2025 15:19

@Rumbley No, she's not overweight.

OP posts:
Rumbley · 18/05/2025 15:19

How old is your daughter?

Seriously though op, parent the heck up

Readytohealnow · 18/05/2025 15:20

This is ridiculous. We are the same. We want the kids to do one sport at least but we also encourage activities which are not exertion (Brownies, choir, art club). We don’t care as long as it doesn’t involve a screen.

Picklechicken · 18/05/2025 15:21

Your dh is a dick. But then your whole rule about doing one sport / athletic activity etc is unreasonable too. Not everyone is sporty / athletic. I was picked last for every team in school, I was purposefully sick for every sports day and spent my entire childhood with my head in a book, I’m very academic and now as an adult I do enjoy a walk but I’d rather stick pins in my eyes than do any sort of organised exercise. Your one activity a week rule would have made me resentful and utterly miserable.

Daisydiary · 18/05/2025 15:21

I don’t think the premise of one sport is bad in terms of health. I do think being forced to play rugby/hockey/go mountain biking against your will is ridiculous though and will likely backfire. Mine have done loads of different things over the years. I’d always expect them to give it a decent go, but I wouldn’t make them stay if it wasn’t for them. So long as she is fit and healthy, he needs to wind his neck in!

YearlySubscriptionRenewal · 18/05/2025 15:23

YABU!

The problem is that DH wants our daughter to stop doing the activities she loves
do you genuinely mean he wants her to STOP reading? Seriously, or are you being disingenuous...

Encouraging your children to discover different activities and that way find things they like is being a responsible parents.

It's not healthy for children to have no physical activities, they should be doing something every single day as part of their daily routine. It could be anything, cycling, dancing, swimming to add to proper hobbies like clubs tennis, martial arts, football. The list is endless. You wouldn't leave a dog without daily physical activities, why should it be acceptable for our own children!

We are a family of readers, even with full time school (finishing at 3pm!) and full time job, there's more than enough time to do sport AND reading.

YearlySubscriptionRenewal · 18/05/2025 15:24

Your one activity a week rule would have made me resentful and utterly miserable.

the standards are so low it's shockingly depressing. One activity A WEEK is too much for you? Bloody hell, that would be borderline abusive for children, at the very neglectful.

Original poster
Opalskies · 18/05/2025 15:27

Both Kids are 10 years old and not overweight in the slightest. They don't have to do a sport at school, and can just do one at the weekend if they prefer.

They chose the sport/s that they wanted to do, and weren't forced into any particular activity.

OP posts:
VeryBrightLight · 18/05/2025 15:28

How old is she? Does she meet the recommended exercise amounts for her age? What is his reason for her doing this? Also, does she only play tennis in summer? Could she play more tennis as a compromise? I do think, in general encouraging kids to have physical activities that they enjoy is a positive thing and trying to find a range of things that she can enjoy is a good thing. Drawing and reading can fit round more than one sport

Rumbley · 18/05/2025 15:29

Opalskies · 18/05/2025 15:27

Both Kids are 10 years old and not overweight in the slightest. They don't have to do a sport at school, and can just do one at the weekend if they prefer.

They chose the sport/s that they wanted to do, and weren't forced into any particular activity.

Come again?

if they don’t want to do sport at school they can opt out?

Rumbley · 18/05/2025 15:30

Seriously OP, buck up!!

I am guessing your dh is a bit of a twat generally and unhappy marriage. Yes?

YearlySubscriptionRenewal · 18/05/2025 15:31

Opalskies · 18/05/2025 15:27

Both Kids are 10 years old and not overweight in the slightest. They don't have to do a sport at school, and can just do one at the weekend if they prefer.

They chose the sport/s that they wanted to do, and weren't forced into any particular activity.

to be fair, it's not about "weight" and it shouldn't be.

It's about health! Physical and mental, and give them good healthy habits for now and their future.

Medical professionals have been banging on the benefits of physical activities at all age for decade, it's been more than proven how necessary it is to be and stay active.

Fantailsflitting · 18/05/2025 15:32

My mother came from a family of extremely gifted athletes. One of my sporty cousins was and is called legendary by the media. In retrospect, my mother must have been dismayed she produced a bookish child with no discernable sporting aptitude and an almost complete inability to catch a ball. If she was disappointed she never let on about it. She bought me loads of books and supported me in my interests. I think your husband sounds like an insensitive boor. I suspect your daughter will choose a far away university and/or leave home as soon as she can.

YearlySubscriptionRenewal · 18/05/2025 15:33

Rumbley · 18/05/2025 15:30

Seriously OP, buck up!!

I am guessing your dh is a bit of a twat generally and unhappy marriage. Yes?

Encouraging your 10 year old to be active instead of staying home doing nothing, what a twat indeed.

Original poster
Opalskies · 18/05/2025 15:33

YearlySubscriptionRenewal · 18/05/2025 15:23

YABU!

The problem is that DH wants our daughter to stop doing the activities she loves
do you genuinely mean he wants her to STOP reading? Seriously, or are you being disingenuous...

Encouraging your children to discover different activities and that way find things they like is being a responsible parents.

It's not healthy for children to have no physical activities, they should be doing something every single day as part of their daily routine. It could be anything, cycling, dancing, swimming to add to proper hobbies like clubs tennis, martial arts, football. The list is endless. You wouldn't leave a dog without daily physical activities, why should it be acceptable for our own children!

We are a family of readers, even with full time school (finishing at 3pm!) and full time job, there's more than enough time to do sport AND reading.

Not stop completely, but say instead of spending Saturday afternoon reading, replace it with a sport. Sorry I should of been clearer.

OP posts:
MayaPinion · 18/05/2025 15:34

No, if she just enjoys tennis then let her play tennis. If you (both of you, not just him) and her agree that she should do another activity something more creative like dance or rhythmic gymnastics might suit better that mountain biking or boxing.

jeaux90 · 18/05/2025 15:35

Tennis is a great sport and one of the great social sports that can take her through life. He is an idiot.