To have reprimanded two adult volunteers for continuous talking ?

[WitheringHeights8]

For context, I run a local brownie unit, and was trying to get the girls to listen (which, to their credit, most of them did) while to of our adult volunteers continued to chat away loudly to themselves.

I told them assertively to stop talking as I was explaining something. They stopped sheepishly, then irritatingingly continued to chat slightly more quietly. I left it as I didn't want to create any sort of scene, but at the end of the night once the girls had left, made a point of telling them how difficult they'd made it for me when I was trying to set an example to the girls.

One of them retorted "We are adults though, not girls", which I just wryly smiled at and essentially ignored.

I'm actually really upset at thr disrespect and immaturity of the response (as I see it). Yes, they are volunteers, we all are, but when I'm trying to run unit they are not above basic respect for others.

I hope I make it very clearly every week how much I appreciate their help, but this has irked me.

Maybe it was unreasonable, but they do it every week and it was very distracting.

Are they actually helpful as volunteers?

I'd be very cross too.

Adults behaving like children. Give them jobs to do while you need to talk.

Volunteering is is more than just being a warm body in the room. In this case the volunteers should be modelling the behaviour they want from the girls. I’d have been miffed too.

The talking is rude but if you had 'reprimanded' me the way you have described then I wouldn't be volunteering again. You sound like the authority has gone to your head if I am being perfectly honest.

So, they do get involved with thr activities and engage with the girls.

One is a PSA, the one who made the hurtful and frankly entitled remark about "being an adult".

We can't afford to lose them, but their behavior is very distracting at times and sets a bad example.

I have no issue with them talking when it's noisey, but they sometimes treat it like a social occasion.

In guides troops I've been involved in when the leader wants to talk she puts her hand in the air and waits til everyone also puts their hands in the air including any adults. Once all hands are in the air she starts talking. Would something like that work.

As an aside if there are volunteers they are thier to help the group disrupting by talking isn't helpful. If they need to talk they could leave the room. Managing volunteers is hard.

Yeah, I think I'll try that but try and make it subtle or it will be taken thr wrong way maybe. Like I'm treating them like children 😂I'm kidding, kind of.

So we do the hand in the air signal, and I did that at this point. These women put their hands in the air but continued gassing like it meant nothing.

I mean, I told them this which I think is what prompted the remark.

Ask them to come on different weeks or keep them busy in different tasks.
Explicitly ask them not to talk while you're speaking with the Brownies as it's setting a rubbish example to the children.

Do you think they misunderstood your point? You meant that they should not have been standing chattering away in the vicinity of the girls who were required to be quiet and pay attention. It might be more effective to ask them to go to another area/take a break if they want to chat, making it clear that it's because their chat is distracting and confusing to the girls, rather than that you want them to behave as you expect and require the girls to behave.

If you can get them to understand the impact - after all, I assume they have the best interests of the girls at heart or they wouldn't be volunteering - perhaps you could work out some "sign" to let them know they're being too loud, so you're not having to shush them in front of the girls?

I once taught in a school where adults would chat away all of the time when the children were on the carpet. Including the head. They would just stand right there and talk about cats or whatever. It drove me completely mad.

As long as you asked them politely and with warmth, possibly a little humour even, I can’t see the issue.

I mean, that's a lot of efforts to get 2 adults not to talk over someone speaking to a group...

Yanbu to be annoyed, but if you actually want them to carry on volunteering, I think there would have been better ways of handling the situation.

We can't afford to lose them

Better stop reprimanding them then because they’ll walk if you carry on like this. I would.

Good for you, a lot of people have forgotten how to behave! I was in a kids music competition recently and adults in the audience were whispering during the performances - so rude

Better stop reprimanding them then because they’ll walk if you carry on like this. I would.

Would you be behaving in such a way that you needed to be reprimanded?

It's sheer bad manners to be talking while the leader of the activity, whatever it is, is speaking to the group.

Our venue has terrible accoustics so sometimes we do have to tell each other to be quiet because of the way sound carries and amplifies. We're all friends and often the conversation is important such as unit admin, sometimes it is just social catch-up if we haven't had chance in recent weeks. It's done in a friendly way and we all value each other, take turns and are a mutually helpful team that rotates around fairly.

It could be more awkward if the leadership dynamic is different or if the "reprimand" wasn't done in a respectful peer to peer way.

Very difficult. Volunteer give their time for free...and just leave but you want them in this situation to model good behaviour to the girls

One of them retorted "We are adults though, not girls

"Which is exactly why you should know better" is what I would have said.

I was so tempted to say this, but I'm not her mother, they're volunteers, and it actually shook me a bit.

I didn't want to make any impulsive comments and needed to regulate myself.

I tried. I even thought about joking "we will have to separate you two next" I'd never say this in front of the girls, obviously.

But what I said hit a nerve with the PSA, who I personally saw as taking it as an attack on her ego.

I actually liked this woman. She has a lot of empathy. But when you see this side of how someone who can't handle criticism reacts, it's so disappointing.

Thankfully, one of them is a casual volunteer, and won't be there next week.

This is the exact conversation I had with them after the end of the night.