To have reprimanded two adult volunteers for continuous talking ?

[WitheringHeights8]

For context, I run a local brownie unit, and was trying to get the girls to listen (which, to their credit, most of them did) while to of our adult volunteers continued to chat away loudly to themselves.

I told them assertively to stop talking as I was explaining something. They stopped sheepishly, then irritatingingly continued to chat slightly more quietly. I left it as I didn't want to create any sort of scene, but at the end of the night once the girls had left, made a point of telling them how difficult they'd made it for me when I was trying to set an example to the girls.

One of them retorted "We are adults though, not girls", which I just wryly smiled at and essentially ignored.

I'm actually really upset at thr disrespect and immaturity of the response (as I see it). Yes, they are volunteers, we all are, but when I'm trying to run unit they are not above basic respect for others.

I hope I make it very clearly every week how much I appreciate their help, but this has irked me.

Maybe it was unreasonable, but they do it every week and it was very distracting.

I would find this talking distracting too but, perhaps this is a social occasion for them?

I think you might need to both lighten up and engage them a bit more.

You're absolutely right to voice your concerns. I admire your determination to expose such impolite and disrespectful behaviour. Yours respectfully- S. Farrimond, Gtr Manchester

People have no sense. I used to do a storytime for babies at my job, and I would have mums who chatted right through me singing songs and doing finger rhymes and such. It was incredibly distracting and very difficult to keep singing like an idiot while half the adults were behaving like I wasn't there.

I think multiple things can be simultaneously true.

The two women were being rude and acting like dicks.

But maybe you took a bit of a tone with them and didn’t deal with it well? We weren’t there, we don’t know you, but it’s possible.

Also, if you’ve let this behaviour slide for two terms, as you say you have, they probably don’t understand why there’s a sudden change. Trying to reverse undesirable behaviour that’s had time to become established is much harder. From their perspective it’s been fine before, so what has suddenly changed?!

Volunteers need careful handling - you used the word “reprimand” which suggests how you view volunteers. I actually think you’d get further by talking to them privately and trying to get them onside rather than reading the riot act.

The phrase “you’ll catch more flies with sugar than shit” applies here I think.

This

You could simply split them up occasionally before you start talking e.g. pixies and elves gather over here with ‘Angela’ and gnomes and imps go and gather over that side with ‘Sarah’. It also gets everyone’s attention as there is an instruction to follow.

Such as ?

You sound very fair and like you handled it perfectly. You say they have been carrying on like this for a while. Very rude and disrespectful and to then answer you back like that. She's a moron with no basic manners

What’s her age and sex got to do with it?

Just say something like ‘ladies, do you mind pausing your conversation so everyone can listen to the instructions’.

WHat does PSA mean??

I have been a unit helper at Brownies and Rainbows and would never talk after the hand raise thing. Its meant for everyone in the room. How are the children supposed to know that if the adults continue talking! It's confusing for them. Maybe a refresher on that from the DC would be a good idea. With emphasis on how it's for the children.

I think this needs careful handling. If the OP told them off at the time, had a word after and then followed that up with a rules session, the volunteers are likely to be embarrassed and annoyed.

It’s all well and good people talking about how they “should” behave, but the OP needs volunteers, people aren’t beating down the door to do this job.

I do wonder how many people on this thread commenting that they should be setting and example, should be told off, or aren’t actually bringing much value, volunteer themselves?

When I volunteered at a guide group (4 years), we had three parents in that time who would help us outside of trips. It was really difficult. When I left they had to set up a parent rota to keep the group running, and even then there was much chuntering.

It's really difficult and happens a lot in schools, it's the bane of my life!! I think you handled it brilliantly and professionally.

I go into schools to teach MFL and staff are always standing around chatting when I'm trying to tell the children to be listening. It drives me mad.

Get over yourself OP - the language you’re using is very dominant and most people wouldn’t want to be spoken to like it.

A simple “sorry about telling you to be quiet guys, only if you could quieten when the kids do that would be great otherwise I find it too distracting “ would be fine.

Definitely give them more to do. If one is an assistant in school, not only is she capable, it'll give her additional skills for her day job.

It's hard work running a unit and even harder running it with other people!

Is it worth visiting one or two of the UMAs about unit rules? Because my Brownies would definitely point out the helpers chatting when they're all quiet! Maybe have the UHs in the circle as they share ideas 😉

Do you understand what volunteering with girlguiding involves? It's not a social occasion. It's a lot of hard work, and when there's one person doing all the hard work and two people making it harder, something has to be said. If the OP was to "lighten up", she'd be letting down the girls who attend.

"sorry about telling you to be quiet"

I feel like Mumsnet is in some parallel dimension at the moment, why are we advocating for essentially permissive parenting two rude adults?!

I pay £60 a term for my daughter to go to Guides; if she can't process instructions because two adults who should know better are treating it like a social, I wouldn't be happy in the slightest.

YOU are a volunteer and they are undermining what you do.

They are there to support the activities and purpose of the group. That isn’t compatible with talking all the way through instructions.

And the PSA especially should behave professionally.

So what? £6 a session? This is why they can’t afford staff and need to rely on volunteers. The key the here is rely. If these women weren’t there then it couldn’t run at all.

The adults may be rude, but at least they are there. People are just saying that this requires careful handling and that the OP can’t just tell them off, or put them in their place because she NEEDS them.

If more parents were prepared to volunteer then maybe she could tell them off, or tell them not to treat it like a social but in reality if she pushes them too hard then they might walk. You might think that’s fine, but there will be a certain number of adults needed to run the session.

People volunteer for many reasons- and unfortunately social occasions are one of them.

£60 might be nothing to you; it certainly isn't to me or the other parents of girls in our unit in a deprived area. Your privilege is showing.

The OP is also a volunteer, and ok, say she gets sick of being spoken over and decides actually this isn't worth my time because these other adults have no idea how to behave professionally as volunteers, so I'm out. Do you think these two will magically step up to the plate? Or will they continue to treat it as a social? The unit falls apart and all of those girls lose out.

There are plenty of places you can volunteer so that you can chat throughout your shift and socialise; girlguiding isn't one of them. If they're such good friends through girlguiding, they can go to the pub afterwards and have a social there.

Girls and other leaders shouldn't have to put up with meetings being disrupted and activities being delayed because some of the volunteers want to treat it like a social. Simple as.

It’s not privilege, it’s saying at £6 they can’t afford to pay staff.

All I have been saying is this takes careful handling. Calling them out in front of the girls, then talking to them about it afterwards and then doing a follow up rules session like some have suggested is too much.

You mentioned why are we advocating permissive parenting? Because these women hold more cards than the OP. The OP is in the position of power- she has told them off twice- one of the women didn’t take it well, which is what happens when people are embarrassed or upset. If OP pushes it more then potentially she loses a volunteer- and by her own admission that is a problem.

So she lets them continue talking and the parents all take their girls out and move them to different units, because that's what I'd be doing if volunteers were continuously talking over the activities and instructions without being dealt with.

I'm saying this as a guide parent and a GG volunteer.

It's not just about modelling, they are also making your job harder to do and making it harder for the girls. I would focus on that - the practical impact it has on the session.

Whatever the situation, work or hobby or holiday there are times when people need to be quiet so that everyone can hear what is being communicated. Being an adult doesn't excuse you from that. It's a complete red herring. There isn't a rule that children must be quiet through theatre performances but the adults are allowed to chat away, because that would ruin it for everyone.