To have reprimanded two adult volunteers for continuous talking ?

[WitheringHeights8]

For context, I run a local brownie unit, and was trying to get the girls to listen (which, to their credit, most of them did) while to of our adult volunteers continued to chat away loudly to themselves.

I told them assertively to stop talking as I was explaining something. They stopped sheepishly, then irritatingingly continued to chat slightly more quietly. I left it as I didn't want to create any sort of scene, but at the end of the night once the girls had left, made a point of telling them how difficult they'd made it for me when I was trying to set an example to the girls.

One of them retorted "We are adults though, not girls", which I just wryly smiled at and essentially ignored.

I'm actually really upset at thr disrespect and immaturity of the response (as I see it). Yes, they are volunteers, we all are, but when I'm trying to run unit they are not above basic respect for others.

I hope I make it very clearly every week how much I appreciate their help, but this has irked me.

Maybe it was unreasonable, but they do it every week and it was very distracting.

I'm a rainbow and brownie leader and I've had a few volunteers like this over the years. I had two volunteers once who would stand and chat whilst the rest of rushed around at the end of the meeting tidying up and cleaning. They can be harder work than the kids. If you need back up, you could also get your DC to do a general bit at the next district meeting about modelling behaviours, code of conduct, how can we all be a supportive team etc. Sometimes I find it helps to have someone outside the unit make the same point.

So you’d be as much use as a chocolate teapot, then, wouldn’t you?

Utterly infantile.

Oh and what does PSA mean?

Hey, thanks for the message and support. It really is seeming that way at some times during the meeting.

I think that's a fab idea about the DC. I was also thinking about possibly of talking to the Girls and leadership team at the start of a meeting, about the expected code of behaviour (mostly when I or someone else raises their hand, it's expected we all listen to said person) but I don't know if it would go down well.

Maybe I'm overthinking, but this woman seems like trouble. But I fear the worst a lot of the time.

Pubil support assistant in Scotland.

YANBU. I volunteer in schools. Sometimes there is a bit of waiting around for the kids while we set things up, especially if things aren't going to plan. They are always made to sit quietly. And sometimes volunteers speak loudly to one another. I always think that is a bit inappropriate. Poor kids have to sit in silence but the adults can just waffle innane shite!

Not even as bad as your example as you were trying to speak to the kids. Really rubbish and rude of them. And the response makes it even worse!

Yes, this is a good idea. We've also drawn up unit meeting guidelines as a group - we had everyone make a suggestion and then all signed our names, leaders included. It doesn't just have to be rules - we also had things like "remember the guide law" (or laws in the guides case), "be polite and respectful", "try every activity even if you don't like it at first". But you could put one in about talking. We then have them stuck on a wall.

This reminds me why I was glad when my DD left Brownies.
It should be a fun after school event but the leaders treat it so seriously. Our DC were even told to decline party invites as the meetings were too important to miss.
I did volunteer often, and personally wouldn’t talk over another adult, but I do think you need to lighten up and not be like their teacher, then maybe volunteers having a catch up wouldn’t bother you so much.

Tell them they need to model the behaviour you expect from the brownies.

If they cannot do that you need to look for different volunteers.

You're right; it's completely unfair to expect children to behave better than adults. It's such a poor example to set for developing people.

Do as we say, not as we do.

I remember it well from school.

And this is what this Pupil Support Assistant was saying, to my interpretation. We are the adults and the rules don't apply to us.

I did tell them they weren't setting a good example.

If only volunteers were easy to find. I appreciate the sentiment though.

I think that's pretty harsh. There's an unbelievable amount of work that goes into brownies behind the scenes. So much risk assessment, admin, dealing with safeguarding issues, chasing non payment of subs, planning the activities so that every girl gets a chance at the badge, buying the materials, before you even get to delivering the session. Often the parent / occasional helpers won't see any of this - they are expected just to turn up and support for ratio purposes / girl behaviour management / extra pair of hands in the session. It's very demoralising when the main leader spends hours a week on sorting stuff behind the scenes (usually on top of their own daytime job and family life) and an extra volunteer can't even be respectful enough not to talk over other adults during the 1hr meeting.

I volunteer a lot and you are absolutely not being unreasonable.

Declining party invites for meetings is madness. Our team never expect this.

I'm not begrudging a catch up at all. I do this myself when I can. This is not what I'm talking about, and if you'd read my post fully, you'd realise this.

There are ways of communicating if you want cooperation. Reprimand isn’t one of them.

Give her a role that involves speaking seeing as she is so good at it.

Whilst I don’t think you were wrong, it can be difficult to get enough volunteers to keep these things viable, so unless you’re drowning in offers of help I’d be careful what battles you pick.

Contrary to an earlier comment sometimes adults are just needed to be bodies in the room, unless you have a high enough ratio of adult presence you might struggle long term.

I'm thinking of asking her to run the next meeting's main activity. She's perfectly capable of it, and it would take some of the stress off of me. And of course I wouldn't be so petty as to talk loudly to another leader over her, but she might get more of an idea of what I'm up against.

I'm actually surprised as a PSA that she can't empathise with this. Her attitude was shocking. But maybe she felt she was above being told to respect when I was speaking as she's in a teaching role, and I am not.

I had to tell a group of trainee teachers to stop talking recently when they'd come to observe my lesson. My sixth formers couldn't quite believe that they were so rude and that I told off some adults...I'm not sure what shocked them the most 🤣 I did use my teacher voice and asked them to stop talking or take their conversation elsewhere.

I feel like it was a last resort. What's expected of the children in terms of behaviour, I also expect the adults to model.

They have been doing this for months, have been told gently before. To be honest, I've let them away with it and been very lax as I need the bodies there and it's not the same as a school environment. It should be fun.

I think I've been fair.

Delegate your role to her or ask them to complete a task which is out of the room at the relevant time. I sympathise.

I'm thinking of allowing her to take the lead next week, but she did only sign up as a unit helper.

Anyway, her partner in crime won't be there next week so the dynamic will be different.

I'd like to reiterate to anyone who thinks I'm running a militant operation, I have alot a lot of this gossiping slide. But this was complete disrespect to myself and the girls. I couldn't hear myself talk.

I don’t for a minute think that you are running a militant operation. This is a matter of respect for you and setting a good example. Next week should be better but you need a long term solution, perhaps gained by putting her in your shoes.

So why do you say you can’t afford to lose them if all they do is stand & talk to each other? They have no respect for you, & only disrupt the kids. Get rid of these rude bitches.

I’d guess because very few adults volunteer to help and they need to have a certain number of adults in the room in order to be allowed to run the session. If she “gets rid of these rude bitches” she would need someone else to take their place- and people aren’t queuing up to help out.