To have reprimanded two adult volunteers for continuous talking ?

[WitheringHeights8]

For context, I run a local brownie unit, and was trying to get the girls to listen (which, to their credit, most of them did) while to of our adult volunteers continued to chat away loudly to themselves.

I told them assertively to stop talking as I was explaining something. They stopped sheepishly, then irritatingingly continued to chat slightly more quietly. I left it as I didn't want to create any sort of scene, but at the end of the night once the girls had left, made a point of telling them how difficult they'd made it for me when I was trying to set an example to the girls.

One of them retorted "We are adults though, not girls", which I just wryly smiled at and essentially ignored.

I'm actually really upset at thr disrespect and immaturity of the response (as I see it). Yes, they are volunteers, we all are, but when I'm trying to run unit they are not above basic respect for others.

I hope I make it very clearly every week how much I appreciate their help, but this has irked me.

Maybe it was unreasonable, but they do it every week and it was very distracting.

I’m not saying let them continue talking? I am saying she needs to handle it tactfully. She has already spoken to them about this incident twice!

You were asking why people were saying she needs to handle this carefully? Rather than giving them the good telling off they deserve. And people are saying that purely because the OP said that she needs them.

Spot on, I do not understand what people are finding so hard to comprehend about this.

Update: The woman who made the comment about being an "adult not a girl" has quit after I put out a message in the group chat about the behaviour I expected from both adults and volunteers, and how undermined I felt as a leader.

How I hoped we could move forward on the same page.

It was to be expected, but honestly, it's a weight off my back as I don't want to work with someone with like that anyway.

And now after the third telling off for the same incident she has quit. That was predictable.

Good for you OP, it's a shame she couldn't see sense but you couldn't force her to, she's an adult...

Are you a 'goader' ? 😂

Oh dear, you really don't have a clue about dealing with people. Try to remember too, that this is not your business, your actions reflect on, and impact the Scout group which does not belong to you!

No, just giving my honest opinion.

Not surprised! Some people expect you to worship the ground they walk on because they volunteer, forgetting that you're a volunteer too.

You've done the right thing.

My daughter left a guide unit where all the leaders treated it as a social and the girls were basically in the way. It was awful. Fortunately I came across a unit in a nearby town where they actually have a proper programme, do outdoor activities and badges. It's been brilliant. I think you were absolutely right to speak to the volunteers because they were undermining the whole ethos of the group.

@WitheringHeights8 You were right to ask them to be quiet. As they continued to talk, you were right in telling them to be quiet whilst you are talking to the group. They showed a lack of respect for the group, a lack of respect for the volunteering role and a lack of respect to you. What a poor example they were demonstrating. They were rude!

As adults they should have the ability to reflect on their behaviour and empathise with the challenges of keeping the attention of 'the room'. The person who made the snarky comment, probably did so out of embarrassment, but should have been mature enough to own their unhelpful attitude. The fact they have now resigned says more about them, than you. When she said she's an adult, not a girl, the thought in my head may have made its way out of my mouth to say 'well act your age then, not your shoe size!'

Carry on being a brilliant Brownie leader and setting a great example in politeness and manners and respect to those in your charge.

‘Reprimanded’ YABU especially in front of the girls - they are adults

Having a word to explain why it’s important that they don’t chat and don’t cause a disturbance would have been the appropriate action

I wouldn’t volunteer anywhere that someone reprimanded’ me.

(I’m a scout leader so I do understand the set up)

I'd say good riddance. She sounds rude and immature. Talking is not only rude, but is disruptive to everyone. I can't believe anyone would even defend her.

So you reprimanded (boak) two adults in front of a group of kids, then again privately and then again in a group chat? Completely over the top. The talking over you was rude but there were far better ways of handling it.

Don't you think an adult shouldn't need to be explained the very basics of manners? They were already told to be quiet and didn't. Don't act like a child and you won't be treated as one

It was the remark about being an adult and not a girl which sealed the deal for me. Whether it was embarrassment at being called out on setting a bad example, defensiveness or a genuine lack of understanding that her behaviour wasn't appropriate, I don't know.

I know I don't need that stress in my life or in our unit. She accused me of overreacting and not dealing with the situation well in her departing message.

The girls need positive role models, not people who can't take accountability.

I think it's important for me more than anyone to remember that subtle undermining, and disrespect in work and life can lead to worsening of behaviour down the line. I'm not ending up in another bullying situation at work for example.

I'm not saying this is where it was heading, but this may well have been a bit of self-preservation, too.

I commend you for taking a stand for the children. I would be very annoyed if I sent my children to an activity and some of the adults were behaving like this. She probably was embarrassed but its ironic she saw the fault in how you dealt with it, rather than her own continuous disrespectful behaviour

They wouldn't have needed to be reprimanded if they weren't being rude and ignorant....

As adults.... they shouldn't need that explaining.

So many comments about how the volunteers 'should' behave.

Obviously people should be polite and respectful, but the fact remains that speaking to them as if they were a child won't make them come to a sudden realisation of this.

Google Transactional Analysis (about communication styles) - adult to adult vs adult to child.

As I said,if you had read my post properly, they were being rude, but OP (and you from the sounds of it) need to learn some people skills if they think ‘reprimanding’ people is the way to deal with a situation like this.

So what would you have done to such obnoxious people who needed to be told multiple times and still argued? And would you treat or expect different treatment if it was you and you were in a paid job? Or do you think they deserved more leeway as this was volunteer work?

Sometimes people need reprimanding. IN fact... there's not enough reprimanding these days.
Thats why people are rude and entitled... and patronising.

How do you suggest OP should have dealt with them?!

they were acting like children; she treated them like children

Hey, thanks for the message.

I don't think I was patronising, but I'm open to having come across like that.

This whole thing feels like a relief I can move on from now, though!