To have reprimanded two adult volunteers for continuous talking ?

[WitheringHeights8]

For context, I run a local brownie unit, and was trying to get the girls to listen (which, to their credit, most of them did) while to of our adult volunteers continued to chat away loudly to themselves.

I told them assertively to stop talking as I was explaining something. They stopped sheepishly, then irritatingingly continued to chat slightly more quietly. I left it as I didn't want to create any sort of scene, but at the end of the night once the girls had left, made a point of telling them how difficult they'd made it for me when I was trying to set an example to the girls.

One of them retorted "We are adults though, not girls", which I just wryly smiled at and essentially ignored.

I'm actually really upset at thr disrespect and immaturity of the response (as I see it). Yes, they are volunteers, we all are, but when I'm trying to run unit they are not above basic respect for others.

I hope I make it very clearly every week how much I appreciate their help, but this has irked me.

Maybe it was unreasonable, but they do it every week and it was very distracting.

I honestly think this would be the best way forward. That and maybe getting my other old-timer leader (haha I'm sure she won't mind me saying that) to say something to the group. Not directly, or maybe that would be more effective.

It hurts when someone disrespects you when you're trying to do a good job and be fair.

Totally agree with you. Best of luck in the future.

This happens alot in my work place which I find very rude and disrespectful.

They were being rude by talking whilst you were talking, however you’re all volunteers and you aren’t their boss. It isn’t your place to reprimand them.

Saying something at the end of the meeting like “hey you know how much I appreciate the support you both give, but if I could ask a favour, please could you keep the chat to a minimum while I’m speaking to the group because I find it hard to concentrate?” would probably go down better.

You catch more flies with honey and all that.

This ☝🏼

Keeping "the chat to a minimum" means carry on chatting.

I am a leader and a DC. I'm not above standing with my hand in the air and pointing out that it's always the leaders/oldest in the unit that take the longest to be quiet! I regularly say "when everyone is quiet and listening, then I'll explain what we're doing" and the girls in both my units know I mean it!

Agree, you need to have a chat with your DC and ask her to visit.

Are these two leaders or unit helpers? Could you give them activities to run so they are actively involved rather that stood behind you chatting? Even if a UH, there's no reason why one can't run a game or craft.

I'm actually a megalomaniac. You got me

God I wouldn’t be able to keep a straight face 😂

could you keep the chat to a minimum while I’m speaking to the group

They shouldn't be talking AT ALL when the leader is speaking. It's rude and disruptive.

I haven't been volunteering for a while because of poor health but our unit leader was flipping amazing at handling this. We had a few leaders and volunteers who would set terrible examples for the girls, and she would speak to them the exact same way she'd speak to the girls - she'd make comments about separating them, she'd tell them to be quiet, she'd ask them if they understood what the hands up signal meant.

They complained that it was patronising and infantilising but the girls responded so well to it because they felt respected and knew it wasn't "do as I say, not as I do" - they bought in to the rules of the unit more because they knew we were all held to the same standards. It also worked and they stopped pronto.

It’s poor behaviour and sends mixed messages to the children.

Thanks for the advice and empathy.

They're unit helpers, and perhaps I've underestimated what they could do/lead.

This could definitely help.

I'm still concerned about the lack of model behaviour, though. Maybe a politely worded email about expectations could help. Or they could take offence and just walk away...beacuse they can.

YANBU. They're in a position of trust and authority and should behave as teachers would. If they want to gossip, they can go for a coffee instead of running a brownie pack.

Oh I'm tempted by this.

I said in an earlier post I did want to joke that I would separate them if they weren't quiet, but something from this woman's infantile response tells me it would not have landed well.

I've been bullied in paid work before, and I think this is why I'm so triggered at the moment. The worry it will escalate to snide remarks and blatant disrespect.

She seems to have a limited grasp on her role as a role model and how children mimic adult behaviour which is worrying for someone who works in a school.

I think they were rude but your tone sounds off in dealing with it. You need to ask yourself how many volunteers you can afford to lose. And yes, they’ll talk to each other out in the community , so take care of your reputation.

How so?

My tone, I mean.

I would ask an adultier adult like a DC to ask her whether she chats like that in the classroom at work, or how she'd react if she was trying to assist a pupil and the other teachers/support assistants in the class were talking over her?

It's all well and good for her to say "well we're adults not girls", that's fine if you're chatting at the supermarket or the pub, but at the meeting place during meeting hours you're a unit helper and you have responsibilities to the girls.

My daughter is a Guide and struggles to process information when there are multiple people talking at once; as a parent I'd want the behaviour challenged because it's making the activities inaccessible to my daughter.

Good luck, I hope you manage to get it sorted with minimal drama and conflict!

I volunteer in a hospital and the man on the same shift as me never shuts up, even when I am explaining something to a patient he is butting in, so I understand why you are so annoyed.
I think you did the right thing in telling them off.

@WitheringHeights8 talk of reprimanding, as a start. These days, nobody in any workplace would use such language about interactions with others, including juniors.

You said you assertively told them, and then followed up with them again at the end of the night.

IME adults don’t tend to appreciate being assertively told anything when they are giving up their time and aren’t in their paid employment. Of course they will respond, and it will probably be in a way that you don’t like, because they don’t respect your “authority” and possibly find it a bit ridiculous.

Those adults should behave appropriately for the role they're volunteering for, then.

If OP is the leader in charge for that meeting, she does have authority - even ignoring the rudeness of the unit helpers, there are safeguarding and meeting safety guidelines that the leader in charge is responsible for, and if their behaviour is preventing the girls from being able to focus on any safety information being relayed, they're jeopardising the safety of the girls and the OP is absolutely right to tell them to stop.

OK, so we're talking about semantics here. I agree the word can be archaic. They did not get a formal telling off, it was just my use of language.

I had similar, but it was a different set up where we all led sections. There were two other leaders who always talked through the bits I led. I got fed up and left.

I didn't want to make any impulsive comments and needed to regulate myself

Yes you do, Telling volunteers off in front of the kids in a very assertive way to demonstrate your dominance is probably not going to go down well…..control yourself…..you could have done it in a more polite way, you are running a brownie unit, you are not CEO of a multinational company, don’t let it go to your head or people will quickly be putting you in your place and there will be no volunteers