To have reprimanded two adult volunteers for continuous talking ?

[WitheringHeights8]

For context, I run a local brownie unit, and was trying to get the girls to listen (which, to their credit, most of them did) while to of our adult volunteers continued to chat away loudly to themselves.

I told them assertively to stop talking as I was explaining something. They stopped sheepishly, then irritatingingly continued to chat slightly more quietly. I left it as I didn't want to create any sort of scene, but at the end of the night once the girls had left, made a point of telling them how difficult they'd made it for me when I was trying to set an example to the girls.

One of them retorted "We are adults though, not girls", which I just wryly smiled at and essentially ignored.

I'm actually really upset at thr disrespect and immaturity of the response (as I see it). Yes, they are volunteers, we all are, but when I'm trying to run unit they are not above basic respect for others.

I hope I make it very clearly every week how much I appreciate their help, but this has irked me.

Maybe it was unreasonable, but they do it every week and it was very distracting.

I'm wondering why some people on here are finding this so hard to grasp. Maybe they're guilty of such behaviours and don't respect others in a way they would like to be respected. Just a thought...

I’m very easily distracted by people whispering especially if I’m in a learning environment- I cannot switch off, so I don't think you were being unreasonable at all.

I'm really glad you mentioned sensory processing. We have girls in the unit with these issues. I'm sure I'm neirodivergent myself, which is potentially why I struggle more with multiple conversational input.

Also, the woman who made the comment's child is autistic. She should know better.

I highly doubt they volunteer, and if they do, it's for the optics rather than to actually help the people they're volunteering with.

I volunteered with girlguiding to make a difference for girls in my area, to offer them fun activities and experiences they wouldn't normally get. If my behaviour was impeding that I would absolutely expect to be told about it, and sharply too, because it's rude.

If someone would quit volunteering because they were told that their behaviour was damaging the experience of the people they're volunteering to help, they're doing it for the wrong reasons.

It think it was the attitude and tone you probably used that lost you their respect…..watch your tone / attitude in future, you are not their employer, they are volunteers, you need to demonstrate politeness / respect and be in control of your anger then you might be shown respect
Are there other reasons why you think they may not have respect for you

Well that's a dire way to look at volunteering as lesser than and quite frankly an absolutely ridiculous take. Just because it's unpaid, respect and boundaries can be overridden, or scoffed it.

That thought process is just baffling.

This happens in schools all the time.
They’re treating it like downtime because they have nothing to do. You need to involve them in whatever it is you are doing, give them a role.
Or if there’s genuinely nothing for them to do, have them up at the front sitting next to you, facing the children. They won’t chat then.

You have no idea as you weren't there so everything you have said is pure speculation.

They, however, have consistently shown a lack of respect for the unit and themselves by behaving in a disrespectful manner. And I've let this go on for over two terms now unchallenged.

I don’t think volunteering is lesser than, and I would never speak over someone else. It is very rude. I’m just emotionally intelligent enough to understand that people respond better to a polite nudge than being publicly and privately reprimanded.

You say this triggered you and you want to avoid snarky responses. Throwing your weight around is not going to help you, as you should have already picked up by their response.

You should have spoken to them privately and raised the issue then if it has been going on for a while!!!

Sounds like you knew they were going to do it and waited until you could demonstrate your assertiveness in front of others to humiliate them…..bad leadership skills, and they can probably see that

Sounds like you knew they were going to do it and waited until you could demonstrate your assertiveness in front of others to humiliate them…..bad leadership skills, and they can probably see that

That's quite some imagining going on in your head.

There are ways of speaking to people respectfully and tactfully

Unfortunately, people Projecting is not unusual for mumsnet.

Do you often make up scenarios in your head and speak about them like they're reality, or is this a new development?

And where did I indicate that I did not.

So many presumptions on your part.

Your initial post insinuated exactly that. Gaslighting is cruel and certainly not a sign of emotional intelligence.

She right and clearly has more emotional intelligence that you are demonstrating….

You only wrote this post to seek validation and try and get suggestions from commenters on how you should control the volunteers, you didn’t come here to hear honest criticism of your behaviour and possibly learn something from it

It insinuated nothing of the sort. My reference to this not being within paid employment is in recognition of the fact that generally, an adult’s tolerance level for being reprimanded by another adult is lower when the person doing the reprimanding isn’t responsible for their bills being paid.

If you think you handled it perfectly then brilliant, carry on, but I don’t think you’re going to like the response (based on what you have already received).

By your choice of words and actions.

There is a time and a place to express your frustration and that certainly wasn’t it, you’ve had ample time to speak to them regarding their talkative behaviours however you choose to humiliate them in front of an audience.

The Op ( @WitheringHeights8) can’t take criticism, I ( and others) have said something similar and she just reacted with a laughing emoji, as the thread develops it is becoming more and more evident why some volunteers are not showing her respect …..or the respect that she thinks she deserves,

How ridiculous and infuriating. So sorry you have to deal with such childish adults. :(

They’re treating it like downtime because they have nothing to do.

They do have something to do - listen to what the op is saying so they know what's happening in the meeting and how to assist with the activity.

Just stop.

Your posts are obnoxious and ridiculous. You're probably exactly the type who shows up to "help" and just causes problems.

Sorry, not read the full thread but this struck me.

Why not stop as soon as you hear voices, and do it again. Do it every single time they talk.

Not only will they know that they are being heard by you but that the girls will all know who is disturbing the session.