Loud DC and unhappy neighbour. Would you move?

[YourMintReader]

I moved in 6 weeks ago. Within a week, the neighbour had complained about noise levels from 4.30am in the morning. First with a note through the door, the second time I got a phone call from Housing Association. Quickly resolved when I explained why.

Understandable, but there’s nothing I can do. This is from loud shouting and vocal stims.

She has now complained to the Housing Association that I am letting my son play out for hours on end, screaming. And has added he screams foul language. Quickly proven otherwise by me by emailing over countless documents that mention he doesn’t speak a word.

He does scream, happy and sad screams and different times. But I am absolutely not allowing him out ‘all day’

He goes to school 8am to 4pm return.

His weekend schedule is 4/4.30am - Awake. Downstairs around 5.30am latest. We might leave the house for about 9am. Possibly 2 hours of respite carers out the house for a couple of hours with them.

He would spend about 2 or 3 hours max a day in the garden. Inside no later than 6pm.

My neighbour has also got 2 children, 12 and 15. I have never heard from them but they’re older.

It’s a really small new build development and I think I and one other house are the only housing association tenants.

Would you look to move? I would be against it but cannot see a solution if it doesn’t stop. I can’t feel so worried in my own home.

Bloody awkward as there just isn’t many houses so you can’t blend in at all

Sorry, the AIBU is would I be unreasonable not to consider moving and hope she does?

You never know who the new neighbour will be, admittedly. It’s hard. The feeling of walking of eggshells is awful.

I forgot to add that I spoke to her when I moved in. Explained that she may hear additional noise, and sincere apologises but it can’t be helped. I explained my son is autistic. She looked really spaced out and not at all happy to see me move in! She was good neighbours with the woman I swapped homes with so probably misses her

I have seen her children before, one is sort of friend’s with a friend’s daughter. Same school. They always smile and wave at me, and looked embarrassed when their mum doesn’t say hello when I do

Gosh what a tough situation. I assume you have a joining wall with them?

appreciate you’re in a hard spot, but I can also sympathise with them, if loud noise is starting from 4.30am that must be unbearable.

can you put any sound proofing up in your house? Are there any rooms further away from your adjoining walls?

If you like the house stay. You may move and be unhappy. Your child will grow and be more able to play quieter. You’re doing a good job with him.

Don’t move if you like the house. She can get earplugs. It’s not you or your son’s fault.

Yes, I really do get it but I don’t know what else I can do

It is attached to hers, they’re semi detached as a 2 and other direct neighbour is in front with a big detached

His room is the biggest and he has to have that one for his stuff. I don’t want him to frolic in mine sadly as he will likely break things and it’s my own space

We also have a third bedroom used for overnight respite care but it’s a box room and not really suitable for him to spend time in

I think her master bedroom is next to our bathroom and her own room opposite his maybe

Not sure which way voting should be. I don't think you would be unreasonable to stay. And the fact that you are a housing association tenant should be irrelevant.

Neither of you are being unreasonable.

Of course it’s not unreasonable if your autistic child stuns.

But equally I would not be overjoyed by being woken up by loud child noises at 5am for any reason.

Its not your fault, but the neighbour is not unreasonable.

I will also need to make a decision soon. Plans to put in a new bathroom that’s floor level shower only are being measured up soon.

It’s a beautiful village nearby a larger town where his special school is. So the area is ideal, quiet, low key.

Other neighbours extremely friendly and kind.

Slightly derail of my own making but the lady I swapped with mentioned that this friend is in privately owned, which must grate

Usually, in new build estates, social housing is often together but it doesn’t seem to case on this small estate for sizing reasons I suppose

Why can’t you keep your son quiet when he’s screaming? I’m guessing he’s autistic/neurodiverse as you say he stims. I am autistic and no way would my mum have let me get away with screaming my head off if we lived in a semi detached or flat or mid terrace. You need to get help for his behaviour or move somewhere detached with a large garden.

I don’t approve of her lying but it doesnt really matter if it’s foul language or not, he’s still making a racket. The neighbour is probably at the end of their rope.

also your so needs supervised in the garden if he’s screaming his head off at random points.

I would suggest moving.

I also need to just add that I’ve taken in multiple parcels for her whilst she’s been out/work. And they’re always, always collected by her eldest, never her

It appears she is happy for me to take in her things (prior to the latest complaint), since I have a clear memory of her not so long ago asking the delivery guy to knock for next door! Ring door bell

No winners here. I'm so sorry for the awful situation you are in with a disabled child but I also feel very sorry for your neighbour. She must be desperate for sleep and peace.

How do you propose I stop him then? He is always with me - He can’t be left alone so he isn’t unsupervised.

I could be wrong, but I assume since you’re posting on MN you didn’t need overnight carers at times or regular respite breaks?

It just isn’t comparable.

Whilst I empathise it's not nice having the additional noise, I have a child with disabilities so understand that you can't help it and neither can your child. Your neighbour will either have to get used to it or move herself if she doesn't like it that much. By sounds of it she hasn't an ounce of understanding for you from look of her face and fact she's lying about your child to housing association to try get you kicked out. Unfortunately some people aren't very tolerant of people with learning/ neurodevelopmental disabilities, I've had a run in with a few. Just remember you've got this.

It’s hard. I know she must be really annoyed at it all.

If I didn’t have my son, maybe I’d want to move too. Can’t say I’d make the other person feel bad though, or lie to their HA. But I cannot do anymore than I already am. And him accessing the garden for some hours of the day is reasonable, happy shouting or not!

If you knew your son behaved like this and it’s not a new thing, you shouldn’t have considered moving into flats or terraced housing to begin with.

if you don’t want to take in her parcels anymore you aren’t obliged to.

I can’t think of anyone who would enjoy being woken up at 4.30 by the neighbours

He is screaming at 4.30 but you are leaving it til 5.30am to bring him downstairs, you need to take him down when he starts and try and calm him. Will he watch tv etc?

Eh? It isn’t a flat. It’s a semi detached, quite large, property.

How many people do you think can hop on by and move into a detached house? It simply doesn’t work

I have a lot of sympathy with your neighbour if they are seriously being woken up at 4.30 /5 am however I can’t see what you can do about it and there is no point in you moving as you could get the same issue elsewhere and you can’t keep moving .

Please don’t move because of this horrible selfish women, sounds like you’ve got a great spot for your family. I completely get that you are doing everything you can and that you can’t just ask your son to be quiet. Maybe housing association can help with some sound proofing. Maybe she’ll move!

Because he is extremely hyperactive and downstairs means food and a new level of activity and extreme supervision that is that much more challenging outside of his bedroom and the upstairs area

I am functioning on about 3 or 4 hours sleep at the very best.

A house attached to another house. So a flat, a terrace or a semi detached. Are you housed by council? It’s maybe worth getting in touch and explaining that it’s unsuitable accommodation with your child’s condition. I honestly dont blame the neighbour for reporting, I’m sure if you lived next door to someone who’s child screamed and disturbed your kids you would do the same.

Also as another poster has said you cannot just leave your child screaming from 4.30 to 5:30 when most people will be asleep still

This is the issue. You never know who your neighbour will act, whoever you go. The same way that you can’t guarantee you’ll always have the same neighbour either