Loud DC and unhappy neighbour. Would you move?

[YourMintReader]

I moved in 6 weeks ago. Within a week, the neighbour had complained about noise levels from 4.30am in the morning. First with a note through the door, the second time I got a phone call from Housing Association. Quickly resolved when I explained why.

Understandable, but there’s nothing I can do. This is from loud shouting and vocal stims.

She has now complained to the Housing Association that I am letting my son play out for hours on end, screaming. And has added he screams foul language. Quickly proven otherwise by me by emailing over countless documents that mention he doesn’t speak a word.

He does scream, happy and sad screams and different times. But I am absolutely not allowing him out ‘all day’

He goes to school 8am to 4pm return.

His weekend schedule is 4/4.30am - Awake. Downstairs around 5.30am latest. We might leave the house for about 9am. Possibly 2 hours of respite carers out the house for a couple of hours with them.

He would spend about 2 or 3 hours max a day in the garden. Inside no later than 6pm.

My neighbour has also got 2 children, 12 and 15. I have never heard from them but they’re older.

It’s a really small new build development and I think I and one other house are the only housing association tenants.

Would you look to move? I would be against it but cannot see a solution if it doesn’t stop. I can’t feel so worried in my own home.

Bloody awkward as there just isn’t many houses so you can’t blend in at all

There’s no winners in this. Ideally the council would pay to soundproof the walls for tenants with autistic children who are very loud but they’re doing their best to spend less not more on social care. Could you put up some soundproofing?

But surely it’s better to give him some food and supervise him than wake the poor neighbour up at 4.30am??!

I’m not sure what you’re suggesting? Detached houses really aren’t available like you’re suggesting

This is a semi detached, attached with just one other house (not end of terrace) and no immediate neighbours next to me

As you are autistic, you must be aware that not all autistic people are exactly the same?

If I take him down at 4.30am straight away, like I say, food and extreme hyperactivity begin. That also includes having to de escalate and avoid being bitten and bruised, whilst half asleep.

I’m aware but this woman is allowing her son to scream and yell including from 4:30 AM when people will be sleeping. It’s not a suitable long term solution to just leave him doing this.

Well as another has said speaking to housing about soundproofing as a halfway measure may be a good idea. At least for your sons bedroom.

I understand that, but kindly that isn’t your neighbours problem. She has every right to not be woken at 4.30 am every morning.

The extreme hyperactivity and running/bouncing, shouting, thumping, will probably make a lot more noise though, in addition to what I’ve said up thread

Sorry but there’s a massive spectrum of autism and your situation is completely different to the OPs son who is non verbal with extensive high needs. What a mean, silly, short sighted post. Where to you propose she moves to, the fucking moon?

OP I really feel for you. What an awful situation. I don’t really have any useful advice, I just wanted to say you seem like a lovely considerate person and I hope you come to a resolution. X

I presume you’ve tried soundproofing? I think it’s worth trying this before moving if you haven’t already.

i sympathise from both sides of this tbh. I appreciate you can’t help some of the noise but it must be awful to be in your neighbours position too. This can’t be a barrel of laughs for anyone.

Horrible selfish woman? The son is screaming his head off including from 4:30 in the morning. To the neighbour it probably looks like OP is just letting them gett away with this even though that’s not exactly the case. Would you be happy being kept awake by screaming?

And I have every right not to have a chunk taken out of my arm at 4.30am because I am so sleep deprived, it is ten times more difficult to bring him into that area

I propose she asks or installs some soundproofing herself.

Would the housing association help with soundproofing given his needs? I understand he can't help it but your neighbours being woken at 4am everyday to shouting, happy or not, isn't ok.
I also think you need to move him to a bedroom that is the opposite side of the house to the neighbour even if it's not the ideal room, there's got to be some compromise

No actually, you’re implying she’s not even trying to keep him quiet. Honestly youve nothing kind or helpful to say, why don’t you just go away.

This is a great idea actually, I wonder if the HA would be able to help with this?

I can’t. As I say, his stuff is what’s in that room and will only fit in that room - Main thing being a specialist bed that costs 7k a pop and wouldn’t fit properly in another room

The sound proofing might be an idea. I am going to have a chat with my Occupational Therapist on Monday about raising that

Can you spend the money on putting a bathroom in to soundproof his room? I have a ND child so I sympathise, however if I was woken up at 0430 every day I would be at my wits end.

I am guessing that he is being woken up by the dawn sun - can you totally blackout his room so he sleeps a lot later?

With all due respect your son’s special needs are not your neighbours problem, and if her and her kids are struggling to sleep every single day due to your son waking them up every morning at 4:30am then reporting may be the last resort for them.

I mean I’m sorry but if your child was waking me at 4:30am every day and you left them to make that noise I’d be on at the council every bloody day too.

You either take them somewhere not likely to affect a bedroom or have his bedroom on a non joining wall. Thats the compromise to being good neighbours not robbing someone of sleep at 4:30am every and leaving him for an hour till you decide to take him down.

OP says she does not disturb him when he starts at 4,30 and leaves him to scream for an hour.

So are you saying that if you would the neighbour, you would happily be woken up at 0430 every single day?

Could you speak to an OT/social services and see if a dfg could be made available for any soundproofing? The HA won’t do this as they won’t have a budget to.