Loud DC and unhappy neighbour. Would you move?

[YourMintReader]

I moved in 6 weeks ago. Within a week, the neighbour had complained about noise levels from 4.30am in the morning. First with a note through the door, the second time I got a phone call from Housing Association. Quickly resolved when I explained why.

Understandable, but there’s nothing I can do. This is from loud shouting and vocal stims.

She has now complained to the Housing Association that I am letting my son play out for hours on end, screaming. And has added he screams foul language. Quickly proven otherwise by me by emailing over countless documents that mention he doesn’t speak a word.

He does scream, happy and sad screams and different times. But I am absolutely not allowing him out ‘all day’

He goes to school 8am to 4pm return.

His weekend schedule is 4/4.30am - Awake. Downstairs around 5.30am latest. We might leave the house for about 9am. Possibly 2 hours of respite carers out the house for a couple of hours with them.

He would spend about 2 or 3 hours max a day in the garden. Inside no later than 6pm.

My neighbour has also got 2 children, 12 and 15. I have never heard from them but they’re older.

It’s a really small new build development and I think I and one other house are the only housing association tenants.

Would you look to move? I would be against it but cannot see a solution if it doesn’t stop. I can’t feel so worried in my own home.

Bloody awkward as there just isn’t many houses so you can’t blend in at all

I'm the neighbour in this situation (without the complaints I haven't complained) but our neighbour has a non verbal young adult child.

Honestly, there are times when I am so frustrated. When its 1am and I've got work the next day, when my kids are coming in twice a night to tell me they have been woken up again but realistically, I don't think complaining will help the situation in any way...I don't think there is anything my neighbours can do. We try ear plugs and white noise but doesn't always work

I suppose what I'm saying is, I dont think there is an answer. Tell your neighbour you're doing your best and speak to ha about maybe sound proofing but other than that, I don't think anything can be done

4:30 is extremely early for noise to start. I know you can’t help it but that is very anti sociable.

Could you speak to the council and ask for sound proofing to be put in in your house and particularly in the adjoining walls?

Sorry you’re having a hard time. Really not your fault. I feel like if you move you’ll have the same issue…

Ensure she got soundproofing after moving in

just a thought but is your living room/dining joined to the neighbours or suitable for his bedroom? we moved my son into the dining room when he was younger and didn't sleep. He to non verbal and screamed/screeched luckily our neighbours hadn't complained but we thought at the time it would be a lot better for everyone all around (DCs and Dh) at least then the sound doesn't travel directly into someone's joined bedroom. Please don't feel like you have to move, this is not your fault and I truly understand what you are going through. its understanding your neighbours are tired and upset BUT it isn't your fault or your sons fault. people get cranky wjen they are running on empty.

You don't seem to understand that you are ruining their home, that they worked and saved for, also the education of their dcs who must be disturbed too.

Your son is not their problem. It's either tough for the two of you, or tough for a whole young family.

I think you should move. I really do. It's no ones fault, but either through harassment by your dc or exhaustion or just being half numb to what is going on, you seem to not realise what you are expecting people to deal with.

I do sympathise with your neighbour and it’s hard for both of you. I think she will get used to it. I do think we get immune to regular noise. My neighbour sits revving his motorcycle everyday at 5am for what seems like a ridiculous amount of time. It used to wake me up but I’m used to it now and don’t hear it. My other neighbours children are out playing football on our shared drive at 7am daily and again I have gotten used to it now and often forget they are out there,

I haven’t sent you a single DM, which @MNHQ can confirm. How pathetic to fabricate an accusation like that.

Can you really get used to constant screaming through the wall at 4am?

The 15 year old next door must be doing their GCSE's, I wonder if the woman is angry due to the teenager being sleep-deprived and concerned that this could impact on their academic performance? Being woken up at 4:30 by screams and shouts must be absolutely brutal, I have sympathy for both sides.

@YourMintReader there's no point for you to move unless you are guaranteed no neighbours. At least her family is old enough to be able to use earplugs, imagine it was exhausted mum with toddlers.

Maybe use her complaints to get yourself smth more isolated, and switch bedrooms for now.

Oh god I didn’t even read the neighbours child’s age. Yeah my son is doing his exams right now and I’d be even more fuming if his sleep was being disrupted because the op doesn’t want to start her day an hour earlier but expected me/my child to suffer.

This. Not sure where you go from here, it’s incredibly difficult for you both.

For those saying she ought to buy ear plugs, I can’t, they give me ear infections every time.

Tbf, no-one should have to wear ear plugs in their own home.

I can get why the neighbour isn’t happy but I wouldn’t move. You’d probably come across the same problem somewhere else, unless the housing association can give you a detached house with no neighbours.
The noises being made aren’t controllable, the neighbour will have to get some noise cancelling headphones.

Can you move him to a different room at 4:30 when he’s not in his bed? I appreciate you don’t want him in your room and the other room is small and used for carers, but I think you’re going to have to compromise here… I can absolutely appreciate not wanting to be awake at that hour, let alone downstairs if that increases the supervision he needs, but I think you need to do something.

It’s not going to be as easy as your neighbour just selling up. No one is going to be elated to move in next to you, so viewings would have to be carefully (and misleadingly) planned for when he’s not home, always, and now that she’s complained to the HA, she may well have to declare that to new buyers…

It’s going to be compromises on all sides, but sound proofing is definitely worth looking into, and doing anything you can to minimise the impact on the family next door.

I do really, really feel for you 💐

Only read OP's posts.
I think if I learnt that you were not able to move and that your opinion was that I just had to accept it because there is nothing you can do I would move myself.

Being sympathetic and understanding doesn't mean accepting being woken at 4.30am every day - not in my own home.

I was with you at first until you said you leave him to scream in his bedroom from 4:30am.

You know that’s not acceptable, hence why you’re thinking of moving. I have every sympathy I really do, I have severely autistic family members, it’s incredibly tough.

But this is not your neighbours problem and it sounds like she is at her wits end. I know you are too, but unfortunately this is your problem to solve. You can’t expect them to listen to him shout and scream at 4:30 because you don’t want to remove him from his room.

Speak to the HA about sound proofing, get him out of his room when he starts. If that fails I’d probably look at moving because you’ll never feel comfortable there whilst this is an issue, she has every right to complain about the noise.

if its housing association, then will you be able to just move?

I think id want to put up extra soundproofing, but also I think if she keeps on with false complaints which are demonstrably false such as the swearing, then I would not take kindly to her harrassment

Horrible selfish woman! Are you, to come over all MN, on glue? If I were constantly being woken at 4.30 I'd be feeling suicidal, if not homicidal. I can't even begin to imagine how that poor woman must be feeling.

You are so naive and uneducated in your response.
i have a very young autistic toddler who screams constantly, happy, sad, eating, reading, constantly screaming, that’s just his nature.

I have tried everything to stop the screaming, but some children with ASD just scream, they use it as a way of stimming.

I feel sorry for OP is it’s a difficult situation. Don’t be so quick to point the finger.

That is a complete and utter fabrication, and you know it. You are a very strange individual

@BeEagerEagleyes I think you can. I work nights and I am able to sleep through my very noisy children in the next room and running around the house. We have hard wood floors too so I could hear them running around. My dc can get a bit screechie when playing with each other (we are detached so no neighbours to worry about). It used to drive me mad and I’d tell them and dh to stop. I got used to it. I can sleep through it easily now.

@YourMintReader your life sounds so difficult. I’m so sorry.

How old is he? Sorry if I’ve missed it.