Loud DC and unhappy neighbour. Would you move?

[YourMintReader]

I moved in 6 weeks ago. Within a week, the neighbour had complained about noise levels from 4.30am in the morning. First with a note through the door, the second time I got a phone call from Housing Association. Quickly resolved when I explained why.

Understandable, but there’s nothing I can do. This is from loud shouting and vocal stims.

She has now complained to the Housing Association that I am letting my son play out for hours on end, screaming. And has added he screams foul language. Quickly proven otherwise by me by emailing over countless documents that mention he doesn’t speak a word.

He does scream, happy and sad screams and different times. But I am absolutely not allowing him out ‘all day’

He goes to school 8am to 4pm return.

His weekend schedule is 4/4.30am - Awake. Downstairs around 5.30am latest. We might leave the house for about 9am. Possibly 2 hours of respite carers out the house for a couple of hours with them.

He would spend about 2 or 3 hours max a day in the garden. Inside no later than 6pm.

My neighbour has also got 2 children, 12 and 15. I have never heard from them but they’re older.

It’s a really small new build development and I think I and one other house are the only housing association tenants.

Would you look to move? I would be against it but cannot see a solution if it doesn’t stop. I can’t feel so worried in my own home.

Bloody awkward as there just isn’t many houses so you can’t blend in at all

Bit weird to use your own MN name to send nasty messages - surely whoever it is would make another name up

They might use a little punctuation while they were about it!

It’s evidently a new burner account, it doesn’t have any followers or followings or photos posted. I’ve now put mine on private

I do think it's easier when it's your own/your family's noise though, rather than someone else's.

Well, quite. I couldn’t and wouldn’t tolerate it my own home day in and day out from 4.30am onwards. I also wouldn’t be wearing ear plugs or noise cancelling headphones, or submitting my children to all of that either. I have my own problems e.g. a chronic condition that is exacerbated by poor sleep and stress. It’s already tricky enough for me working and caring for my children. The person making the noise needs to do the soundproofing as there’s obviously associated costs

Yes,‘completely different. Been woken up at 4.30 by screaming day in day out by next door is something most people couldn’t just get used to and be fine with. Feel sorry for the neighbour and her poor kids.

I feel for you OP and I also feel for your neighbour who is getting woken up at 4.30am. That's horrendous. I have no ideas to add but I think you have to do something.

Totally agree. I realise it’s a tough situation and not intentional, however it’s not the neighbours problem to manage. The op has a three bedroom house - move him farthest away, pay for soundproofing if HA won’t and if you get bitten from taking him downstairs, unfortunately that’s a better option than your current set up. You have to make every effort to minimise the disruption op, no matter if that makes your life more difficult, 4.30 every day in not on.

Maybe Reversetail could go and live next to OP.

I salute you for bringing up an autistic child I could not do it -

Horrible, selfish woman? What, because she doesn't like being woken up by a screaming neighbour at 4.30am?
I know posters like virtue signalling on this site but that is taking it to extremes.

People have a right to quiet enjoyment of their homes. Sleep deprivation and frequent unpleasant noise is well known to cause harm. Why doesn't this neighbour's well-being matter at all?

It is absolutely not the OP's fault, but neither is it the fault of the neighbour. She is suffering due to something she has no control over. It was wrong for the OP and her son to be housed here.

And as for moving. Why the bloody hell should she? This is her home and she's not the one causing the disturbance. If she owns, instead of renting, it could easily cost her £15k plus to move due to stamp duty. Are you @Reversetail offering to pay that for her? Then there's the issue of the next neighbour, would it be fair to allow anyone else to move into the neighbour's property?

Yes, move. You’re in an awful situation having to deal with that as a parent. However, the council can just move you. She privately owns which makes it much harder and it would cost her thousands. You’ll never relax in that house and neither will she. I feel sorry for her tbh, I would find it unbearable living next to you by what you describe.

I don’t think anyone’s unreasonable here - you can’t force your son to be silent but she’s within her rights to want to sleep past 4.30am undisturbed. The swearing allegation could be because she’s half awake and confused when she hears the noise.

Given there’s no easy solution, this tension is likely to be ongoing. She probably won’t want to move because, like you, she likes the area and it’s a big upheaval moving especially when you own your house.

Can you be really explicit with your HA about the situation? E.g. there is no way for me to change the time or level of noise my son makes due to his autism and his room, which is the only suitable one in the house, is on the adjoining wall. I expect my neighbour to continue to be upset and complain whilst I live here.

You could also ask the HA for permission to attach acoustic foam to the adjoining wall if you can afford to. If there’s any furniture like a wardrobe, shelves, etc in that room, maybe you could move it against the wall to muffle the noise if the layout allows?

Not all autistic children are like OP’s.

What was your previous living situation? I think you need to tell the HA they need to help you with a solution- either move you to a more suitable house or else help you soundproof. Subjecting your neighbour to this noise, even saying you can’t help it is not on. I know you didn’t choose this but he is your responsibility and you can’t inflict the pain on others just because you can’t help it. Sorry this sounds harsh.

so selfish not to be all sweetness and light when she is woken by screaming at 4:30?

There are no winners here but it is utterly shit for the neighbour. Utter unadulterated shit. And of course it is not a barrel of laughs for OP either.

Can you buy the soundproofing?

your son is your issue, and him biting you as your problem. However the noise of screaming and being woken up is not your neighbours problem. It's yours. It's a legal right to have quiet and peaceful enjoyment of a home and your son is taking that from next door.

I feel for you OP and I know it must be so difficult but I’d also hate to live next door to you.

Absolutely agree 👍 - what’s breaking items got to do with it? Move the items elsewhere and do all in your power to minimise the disruption.

I have sympathy for you both. I have an autistic child though much easier than yours. But I used to live next to someone with mental health issues who would make really loud noises at weird times like 4.30am and weeks of broken sleep were awful. Your neighbour has the right to quiet enjoyment of their own home and doesn't sound like they get that at the moment

Gosh OP. I have every sympathy for you. It's not fair for you to be sleeping deprived and also bitten and hit.

However, it's also not fair for your neighbour to be woken at 4.30am every day.

It's shit all around.

I'm pretty sure you would if your child has autism.

How is what I said spiteful? I think who I replied to was giving you a very backhanded compliment and it was worded quite offensively towards anyone on here with autistic children or who was autistic themselves.

its simply to educate them so they don’t make the same judgement and assumptions about every single autistic adult or child.

None of my other replies were spiteful and most of them have thanks/agreements so report away.

If you are so adamant that yanbu, why post for an opinion?